Dream...or Nightmare

Following up on my Cyrsti's Condo post from yesterday, if I had the dream of living as a woman for so long, was I living a nightmare as a guy?

As I look back on it, much of forcing myself to live a macho existence was a nightmare. Especially the closer I got to actual attempting a male to female gender transformation. I wouldn't wish the time on anyone when I was living three days a week as a girl and four as a guy. All of it culminated in a very active suicide attempt.

The whole problem was I refused to accept my true self.  When I did, the pressure was off. Off course I made quite a few mistakes as I was learning how to live on the other side of the gender fence but going through the learning curve was worth it.

As often is the case, Connie has another look on the gender nightmare issue which I would like to share:

"If living a life as a woman is the dream, living the lie has to be the nightmare. It's often the nightmare, though, that causes one to wake up and start living the dream.

I've known you since we were both having our own nightmares. In retrospect, yes, we both could have awakened earlier, but we can only go forward, being happy that our nightmares are over.

From that old song:

Oh, what can it mean,
To a daydream believer,
And a homecoming queen?"

Quoting the Monkee's too, I was the "daydream believer " but never made the homecoming queen! 

Blog Comment

I follow a non transgender based blog on Word Press called Lifes Fine Whine. Today she posted she wanted comments about childhood dreams and how they came out. I decided to provide a comment about mine. The comment was designed to explain some of the angst of being transgender without getting too in depth. Here it is:

All through my childhood, I wanted desperately to be just like the girl next door. Unfortunately I was a boy born into a male dominated family.
So, I played football when I wanted to be a cheerleader. Went to the prom in a tux instead of the beautiful dress my date wore.

After college, I was drafted into the military during the Vietnam War. I served my time but never lost the idea I was somehow living a lie. I cross-dressed every time I had the chance to relieve the pressure and explored the idea of living a feminine life.

Along the way, I went through two marriages to women who knew of my "secret." The second passed away quite unexpectedly leaving me free to make a decision in my life.

Finally, at the age of 60, I came out as transgender and started hormone replacement therapy to feminize my body as much as possible.
I began to live my life as a transgender woman. Found an incredibly accepting partner and settled into living my dream.

It took me awhile but now I feel blessed to have lived on both sides of the gender fence.
I have also benefited from my daughter and three grand kids who also are extremely accepting.
In many ways I feel I should come out sooner.
However the wait was worth it. 

From India...Transgender Success

These posts come from a site called Trending and feature several successful transgender stories. The first of which is "Nazz Joshi" trans model and winner of the Miss World Diversity 2019:


The second is Anjali Ameer, the first transsexual to play a lead role in an Indian Movie:


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For more, go here To the Indian Times..