Transgender Transition's Slippery Slope

I have been going back to 2013 and examining my old posts here in Cyrsti's Condo from the period.

The theme which seems to come through loud and clear, is 2013 was the time I was living an estimated two to three days a week as a cross dresser and thinking seriously of going 24/7. Of course the ramifications were huge.

Back in those days, I had three friends who ended up supporting me and they indirectly pushed me along. I did feel as if I was sliding down a slippery gender slope to a transgender life.

The difference to me from crossing the frontier from cross dresser to transgender woman was simply one of acceptance.

At the time, comments to the blog hinted I was no more than a full time cross dresser, since I had not always considered I was trans. It is a good argument, except when you consider I was easily into my 40's when the transgender term/life was even being explored for the first time. Also I need to point out I was running as fast as I could from the concept in my high heeled shoes.

Leaving my safe male background and all it represented was indeed a scary proposition.

The turning point? No matter how far or fast I was slipping down the slope towards the point of no return, the more natural I felt.

As it turned out, the fear of the fall was far worse than the landing. Little did I know I was headed towards a happiness I felt I would never know.

Yay or Nay

This archive post goes back a couple of years here in Cyrsti's Condo but it is still relevant for me today:

"Back in the day" when I was cross dressing and beginning to explore the feminine world, I constantly thought would I - could I ever "go full time."  Obviously (for any number of reasons) I took my time almost to the point of suicide. 

During that period of time a couple things stood out in my mind. One of which was a "documentary" of sorts about a person who was shown picking out a wardrobe ahead of her trip to Thailand for her SRS.  Afterwards, the story skipped ahead to a welcome home party of sorts to her home town. I thought at the time, wasn't that all a bit too easy? What did walking around in her new "little black dress" at the party have to do with her reestablishing a new life?

Then, there was the guy who went through sex reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for a few years and wanted no part of it. I remember thinking Wow - shouldn't a person be sure? Would I ever be? What if I went the distance and could never go back.

Well, I have never "gone the distance" as far as SRS was concerned and at the age of 66, I wonder about the health concerns of doing so. As it turned out, I learned the hard way what was between my ears defined me. Not what is between my legs.

I'm no expert but, over the years people have asked me what questions (and answers) which brought me to where I am today.  My best advice is very simple. There are two ways NOT to find out if you can OR if you want to live as a trans woman. No matter how much time anybody says you should live a feminine life, that does not mean walking the mall day after day or hanging out in gay venues. It means doing decidedly unfeminine things (which women have to do) like going to an auto parts store-etc. 

Plus, recently, Connie and I have have been discussing another level of acceptance in the world-as yourself as a transgender woman. In nearly polar opposites in the country we both became members of "Meet Up" Groups. In doing so, we have discovered total strangers like us for our feminine selves. Not a small deal of course. 

So, of course, if one rushes into this gender change thing at any age, it's tough. It just could be tougher the older you get and the extra baggage (not under my eyes!) which comes with age. I can only say, as I MtF transitioned, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was doing the right thing. I can also understand why many would call me all too timid also!!!"

It's Time

It's been a week or two since my "trans-dar" has gone off at the regular mega grocery store we shop at.

I have grown accustomed to seeing a highly possible transgender woman spotting. After seeing a few dressed in heels and hose, the most recent trans women (I think) were dressed more to blend. With jeans, tennis shoes and or boots.

I also try now to at least position myself to smile and speak, if I am not off in my own little world (it's a nice place!) I also figure it's a good bet I will run into them again. Seeing as how many times we visit the same store.

It's almost time to start planning too for Liz and I's New Years Eve gala. As I have written before, the evening is extra special because it marks the anniversary of when I began my MtF transgender transition in earnest by starting HRT. Connie, leave "Earnest" out of it! :)

I am thinking of wearing my black, brown and gold ruffled sleeveless top with my black dress gaucho pants. Like any trans woman, I enjoy getting dressed up for an occasion!

Since now we have passed Thanksgiving and Christmas isn't far away, it's almost time for New Years Eve!