Cyrsti's Condo Weekend "Archive Post"

Thursday, September 25, 2014

It's All in the Eyes?

Continuing on my last post about those pesky lesbians jamming my "trans-dar"- I brought up the question, "How does one know the difference when a lesbian does cross the border into transgender territory. Well, of course, one normally doesn't but of course I have formed a few opinions the hard way.

First of all, I am not the definitive resource on lesbians but have found out a number of factoids over the last few years. First of all, they are very possessive within their culture.  I have be invited to several lesbian "mixers" with friends over the years.  One of the first lessons I learned was, if my friend's perceived a woman they were interested in had a partner there-that was it. Look but don't touch.

Of course, after I calmed down about being there at all, I became interested about how I was perceived. I took for granted, that for the most part, all of the "mixers" knew I was transgender.  Truly, I never had to worry.  No one was mean, most ignored me but then again a few did approached me.  Once I was even asked if "I belonged to my friend I as with."  So I never did really encounter the "Terf" hate from radical lesbians which is so prominently written about-there. 

Possibly, I did though on two other occasions from two butch's who jammed my "trans-dar."  One came from the eyes of the woman I told you about in the last post with her husband and the other, from a very, very, very, butch in a gay venue I go to. As I was talking to her partner one night.   If looks could kill, I would have been a goner-twice!So, I assume even though both looked as if they could be transitioning, they weren't.

Now, if you switch gears to the transgender men I know, and the few I have met-their eyes are softer.  So for some reason, I don't threaten them.  The ironic part is, if I hadn't been told ahead of time, I wouldn't have known at all they were trans men.

What's happening here? Has the introduction of mean old testosterone into the Ftm men's lives helped to mold a kinder, multi layered man?  After all, we are so quick to toot our own horns about being some sort of "hybrid" gender, perhaps the Ftm's are more so? Even the trans men at the symposium I went to said not being raised in similar strict rigid gender boxes the boys were subjected to, helped them later to transition.

At the least, interesting "theories", at the best, I'm just happy I'm still alive to write about it!!!!

Life Turns on a Dime - Part Nine

This post I could have called turned on a quarter because of what happened.

As I wrote before, I was pretty well freed up to finally choose a feminine transgender path if I wanted one.  As I was seemingly taking my good old sweet time, the sun, the moon and the stars parted and showed me the way.

It was about this time the Veterans Administration announced it would cover HRT treatment for transgender veterans if I was approved and I went for it by signing up for a round of therapy. Also around this time my group of friends was showing me down a feminine path, more than they ever realized and finally I was close enough to take early Social Security retirement at the age of 63. So I could be freed up not to try to transition on a job.

So one night I was sitting by myself and the blinding realization came to me this was a golden opportunity to fulfill basically was a lifelong dream-to be a girl. And, all of a sudden the weight of tons of guilt fell from my shoulders and a murky path was clear.

Besides just living the feminine experience as a trans woman instead of a cross dresser, hormones were to make a tremendous difference for me.

This is where my story gets a little tender, because I don't belittle crossdressers at all or even trans girls who are not on HRT. Because I know at my age, I know I am but one health condition away from going off my hormones.

But to me, estrogen was going to make an almost immediate positive impact on my life and one my friends would notice.

So much so, it deserves it's own post.

Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

I picked this old post because it fits in with our "Dime" posts: from 2013:

Monday, December 16, 2013

Problem?

Two ladies commented on the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition Post".  "Billie" commented the evening must have been wonderful, but asked where was the "problem" I mentioned.
The "problem" was simply one of "habit".  As I struggled to learn more and more of what this feminine life is really all about, it was tough.  Of course, the whole process of dressing yourself, moving correctly and interacting with the public was tough enough.  As difficult though, was having to accomplish the task in "bits and pieces".  I resorted to one to three days a week living as much feminine life as I could.  Naturally, I would lose much of what I learned when I lived as a guy again then started all over.

My problem now is, I have flashbacks to those days.  The rare times from my past when everything seemed to be "working" and I felt good as a woman, I really began to relax, enjoy myself and invariably slip back into male habits.  I had to constantly remind myself of which gender role I was occupying at the time.

I found myself "reminding myself" of the same habits at the party.  The problem is the process really disrupts me being me.  I know I'm relatively outgoing and I enjoy the process more as a woman.  For the most part, men still don't migrate towards me but women do and I enjoy the interaction.  Women of course are naturally curious and want to learn more about what makes me tick so the process works well.

The "problem" becomes when I start "thinking" about the process. When and if any of my male past slips through to my personality, so what?  He has been part of me for so long.  The transgender mix which defines me makes me what I am.

The incredible process I'm going through now, of course is tipping my gender scales more to the feminine side.  I should worry less and less about who I was but ironically now HRT has made worrying about less a bigger force in my life so worrying needlessly about problems such as this comes with the territory?

On a lighter side, Wendy commented about buying a bra as a guy and the register person calling for a "Wonder Bra" price check!  The ultimate in making an embarrassing situation worse!  Another little hint I learned yesterday was a bra made by the same company doesn't necessarily means it will fit the same!

Thanks ladies for the comments!