Finding a Transgender Friendly Place

Did I get your attention with this title? Actually it's one of the bigger questions I get on a regular basis. Over the years I have tried to over think this process and come up with  complex answers I can't even follow.

Last night though, in a rare moment of brilliance- my transgender spirit guide said "listen dummy, you find your own places by just going there."

I thought for a moment a said "wow spirit peep you are on to something!"

Think about it, we all have the power to help a place to become transgender friendly. But of course there are rules:

One of the biggest misconceptions is that all gay venues are trans friendly.  The truth of the matter is you have to educate them the same as any other place.  They just don't know us. Recent surveys have indicated that only 10% of the population has met a transgender person-change that!

Shopping of almost any kind should be a given. After all you are spending money with the merchant.  You can also endear yourself if you don't treat women the way they treat each other. If you don't know, listen sometime.

Which brings me to what I assume are common sense points:

1- Never Assume your experience is going to be a bad one and be a bitch. With that attitude you will be right. More than likely you will give yourself and the rest of your trans sisters and brothers a bad start.
2.-Mind your own Business, be pleasant and TIP well when you are in a service situation.  You will indeed make a good impression.
3.-Go Back.  Maybe not common sense but a good point.  If you become a good customer, you will be remembered and even protected in certain situations.
4.-Communicate. I learned this one the hard way. When you don't talk to people they assume the worst about you. So what if you don't think you have the sexiest female voice around. Not using your best effort will hurt you more in the long run.

Last but certainly not least, rest room and dressing room usage.

Very iffy and very sensitive.  Too big of a subject to be covered here except to say I do have one definite standard. When I'm a great regular customer in the places I go-I can get my restroom privileges. Employees and managers get used to me using the women's room.  BUT any "civilian" (not an employee) can change that in an instant with a complaint.  The last thing I want to do is cause a scene. Years ago a male manager at one of my regular haunts revoked my rest room card.  I simply went up the street and established myself at a competitor.  About 6 months later, he got fired and a few of the employees who were still there came and invited me back. How nice was that?

Finally, YOU have the power to enable a place to become transgender friendly.  Just don't go dressing all crazy, acting like an idiot and being a poor citizen. You will just ruin it for all of us.

Passing Through

So I'm "older"- more mature is a kinder term and can't remember if I passed along this video before on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, but it's worth another look:

Walt's Not So Excellent Adventure

I watched a video this morning which I will pass a link along to which has a guy (Walt)  who went through the surgery, lived as a woman for a time and decided he made a mistake and changed back. To each his own, and people do make mistakes but I wonder how that epic mistake happens? I can only think there was some sort of disconnect in the gender socialization process.

I have not researched it, but I understand the reputable SRS surgeons and clinics still require some sort of history living as your chosen gender-before going under the knife. I'm under the impression that those in the know are calling the process gender socialization. From personal experience it is a fascinating and sometimes scary experience when you go from presenting as a woman versus being socialized as one. I just know I will go to my grave loving it. But that's just "not so little ol me".

Of course it 's possible to go out dressed as a woman and present yourself successfully and think Yay! I'm a girl Woo Hoo! It's also very possible to do it as essentially a stealth cross dresser. Not a problem in the world unless you begin to believe you can shortcut the socialization process in the girls sandbox. The worst place to attempt a stunt like that. You will find out quickly which gender isn't the "sugar & spice" one.

After all, who needs all that sand kicked in your face?   Everyone will have to accept me as a woman after my SRS...Right?  Not so fast happy campers, there is that one pesky problem-gender does not live between your legs and to my knowledge can not be operated into our brains.

By jumping ahead in the socialization process, you simply miss key yes or no moments.  Examples you have read me write about here in Cyrsti's Condo are the feminine communication process and the intricacies of fitting into female social circles.  Even in my very gray orientated mind...they are black and white learning experiences. You want to belong or you don't.  Plus of course I'm just scratching the surface.

By paraphrasing Walt one more time he says something to the extent you can't fix a psychological problem with surgery DUH! He is totally correct and I'm fairly sure SRS does not include a lobotomy, for a good reason. (I know what you are thinking you need to add- not subtract to a male brain ) It has been fairly well documented these days that gender identity issues are not psychological problems. But I agree, one could develop if the person involved is not free to explore their feelings- as Walt surely wasn't.

At this point, every bone in my body is screaming "don't be snarky Crysti" and write what you are thinking.  Since bones can't scream anyway- who the hell wants to hear from a person who made a fairly major mistake with his life and still has no idea why?

Why didn't he tell the truth and just say- look I'm just a cross dresser, got a sex change  and then went through the ultimate purge to be with a woman who just can't image my past. Understood!!!!

Ahhh! I feel better now!

Here's your link here to "Crossover Kids" other than "Walter" it's a good piece.