So You DON'T Want to be a Girl!

I have two friends who identify on the "cusp" of ftm transsexuality. Until I met them, I had very little knowledge of the "Super Butch" end of the lesbian culture.
One thought did occur to me that I was similar to them on the other end of the gender spectrum.  I operate as my chosen gender without actual surgery and so do they in many ways-I think. Obviously I can't speak for them. I do watch with interest their interaction with the lesbian community. Again, I compare it to my limited interaction with the male gay folks.
Of course, as with everything in this internet/social media driven world,  others have concerned themselves with way ftm trans men interact with the lesbian community. It comes from Canada's "Xtra".
Here's an excerpt:

"The female to male trans community has long found refuge in the lesbian community but the trans community's growth is causing some re-thinking of the relationship, according to some activists.

“The comment I hear a lot is there aren’t going to be any butches anymore because they are all going to turn into men,” says author and activist Patrick Califia.

“I think that the truth is that as the trans community becomes more visible it is going to impact the structure of the lesbian community."

If you go to the link there is a video attached also!

So You Want to be a Girl?

A friend of mine (genetic female) gave me an idea for a couple posts which are fun to look back on but were not so funny at the time.
Every once in  a while I will chat with a novice trans person who is fairly sure that beautiful feminine creature staring back at her from her mirror at home is enough to establish her life in the world.
Of course "back in the day" I felt much the same way. To make matters worse, I felt the female gender had it so much easier. Back in those days, girls didn't get drafted, just had to wait for guys to ask them out-blah, blah blah.
Along the way, I found those thoughts were as much fiction as a "Stephen King" novel.
A couple of the more amusing incidents involved uniquely feminine experiences with toilet paper and high heels.
The high heel one is very common to any woman who has worn heels for any length of time.  Except I had to do it different.  My copy of the book "High Heels for Dummy's" told me about being careful for the occasional sidewalk grate and the occasional chip in the concrete. What I didn't see in the fine print was the warning about the extreme danger presented by those nasty little concrete grooves in a busy mall. 
Yes, there I was attempting to be elegantly,nonchalantly beautiful in my heels and hose; cheerfully minding my own business until-BAM! One of my shoes got firmly stuck in a crack so small only my heel could find it and the gorgeous creature (in my mind) came to a screeching halt. Not only did she come to a stop, so did the line of people walking behind her.
By this time my priorites had changed from shopping to damage control. Of course I had to pry the shoe from the crack while the world watched and then try to slide it back on without falling over!
Long story short, life went on and I learned very dramatically heel lesson #12 on page 40.
Oh, by the way I'm sure you know I was making up the book but the story is true. Just like the toilet paper story in the next post.

Transgendered Mid-Life Crisis?

I have heard of more than a few transgendered women who have said something "clicked" in them and they began their cross gender journey.
The vast majority of the trans folks I know though knew at an early age there was something "different" in their perception of the gender world.
I'm over 60 and several of my best friends over the years believe my "mid-life" crisis started when I was crying over a beer on my 30th birthday.
Transgendered or not, I believe 30 is the hardest birthday. Like it or not, youth is behind you and mid life is lurking around a not too distant future.
Using myself as an example, I knew I was becoming more than a "weekend crossdresser". I was experiencing a growing dissatisfaction with my feelings as a transgendered person. Just putting on women's clothes just didn't cut it anymore.
I know I'm no different than many of you. Other not so minor happenings in your life such as kids, career, spouse and mortgage become equally distracting.
During this period, transgendered or transsexual leanings are often buried very deeply.
As mid-life approaches, our pressures increase to an often intolerable rate. "It's now or never" becomes a real possibility  as you begin to speculate on the number of days you have left in this life.
All of the sudden, being a husband, provider and "Good Old Dad" isn't enough and the guilt sets in.
Was your life worth being dishonest about your transgendered leanings over the years worth it?  Now are you not only considering a gender change you are considering your own basic truths. You may have lived an upstanding honest life except for this?
The unlucky ones commit suicide at this point. The lucky ones discover a support structure they never dreamed of.
Then, there some like me. Life or destiny or whatever stripped me of nearly everything dear and gave me a real midlife crisis. At the center of the vacuum sat my choice of gender. It was my choice to go the direction I felt most comfortable doing. Somehow my karma told me if I did go the female path I would need to pay the process forward to others or fail.So here I am for the most part looking back at my mid life crisis and trying desperately for words of wisdom.
Here we go:
There is no easy answer to the mid life monster staring you down.
IF you can get out and explore any part of a feminine existence outside of your house DO IT! Try not to make any assumptions of what you think and assume living as a woman maybe like.  For the most part you will be wrong.
Seek a therapist if you are sure everyone in your life will reject you and then maybe hold therapy as an option with a spouse- after you tell her.
Stay out of WalMart and malls in a tiny mini skirt and 4" heels.
Most importantly, follow your soul. Don't assume it is damaged after all the years hiding yourself from everyone. And-
"May the force be with you!"