Being called "she" has always been music to my ears.
The music turned really sour the other night because of a couple of cis-women who have actually known me for awhile. One moved across the bar to sit with her husband. The other sat next to me.
We actually enjoyed a very pleasant conversation about her life and family but somewhere along the line I said something she found funny. She then shouted across the bar "He said...." Obviously, I could have slipped to the floor.
The two women were black. Is it OK to refer to them as "Negro" or "Colored"? NO it is not and two wrongs do not make a right. I said nothing so the two of them weren't as wrong as I was by not to bringing it up. I am NOT a he, she or an it.
What was proper? I went to the official "GLAAD" site to see what they had to say.
Their answer was a simple one. Use the name of the transgendered person or refer to he or she as the gender they are presenting in.
Simple to say, harder to do as not all people know my name. (The women didn't know the other night)
I felt ashamed that I failed a chance to stand up for myself and all of us that night. I became an instant hypocrite. Not a pleasant feeling!
On a whole different subject:
If you haven't heard of "
Kate Bornstein", she went through SRS nearly twenty years ago and has been in the public eye ever sense.
In a recent interview she was asked again (I'm sure) how her parents accepted the gender change. She said her father passed away before the operation and it took awhile for her mother to come to terms with it. Why?
Her mother "was raised in a generation where women were judged by their proximity to men." For a woman whose sense of self worth was based on being Mrs Bornstein, having her husband and father die, and one of
her sons turn into a daughter was difficult.
I quickly wondered how my recent "proximity to men" has affected my self esteem? I definately know that my recent dates with guys have validated my years of trying to be a girl but did it go deeper? It did.
After my first date and I parted ways that night, I went back in for a "night cap". I really needed to think about what the last couple of hours meant. As I reentered, I did have a new assurance in my step. In the strictest of meanings, my proximity to a man did give me more worth as a girl.
I'm not sure the "feminists" of the world would agree but it sure worked for me!
