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| JJ Hart in Mystic, Connecticut. |
To be fair, I saw this question posed on a couple different sites on the internet and thought I would comment on it. The question is, is there a way to be transgender.
As I thought about it, I initially thought for years that
there was a way to be a transgender woman and that would be to copy all the other
cisgender women around me. Even though I thought this was the best way to go,
in the long run doing it hurt me. Why? Because doing it stopped me from
becoming my true authentic feminine self.
Surely, cis women are guilty of forming cliques while men
form teams and to be included in a feminine clique, you have to look and act
the part…at first. I discovered that once I was accepted by an alpha female, my
entrance requirements became easier to come by. But what I did not realize was
how perceptive the other ciswomen in the group would be to me and how women can
spot a fake a mile away. I would have to proceed with caution if I was going to
succeed at the invisible goal of being transgender. To succeed, I did all the usual
things such as obsess on my appearance so I could blend in with the other women
when I received a cherished invitation to a girl’s night out.
Then, when I arrived at the function and my fear began to
subside, I needed to look around and judge all my reactions to the
conversations going on around me. Which marked my first real idea that there
was not a real way to be transgender. Afterall, when the conversation turned to
kids, I still could participate because I had one that of course I did not
birth but still participated in the trials and tribulations of raising her.
Similar to the other women in the group. It was just a small example of how I
survived the evening as I added in my input when I could. It seemed to work
because all the other women except for one accepted me and I ended up enjoying
myself.
As the years went by, and I began to experience many nights
as my transfeminine self, I found there was no way to be transgender but there
was a way to be myself. When I did was when I became more and more successful
in the world as a trans woman and my ultimate dream of living a full life as
such could be realized. Also, during that time, I spent quite a few evenings
socializing with a transgender woman friend of mine before she moved away to
Dallas. The two of us were prime examples of differing ideas on how we wanted
to pursue our lives as trans women. My friend Racquel wanted surgery to look
the best she could and attract men, while I found myself comfortably in the
company of lesbians who I found for the most part accepted me for who I was. I did not and have not to this day desired any
major gender surgeries. Mainly because I did not need them to help me to
realize my way to be transgender.
Of course, as human beings, we are all different and one of
the problems we have now is being forced into one small box by a society which
does not understand us and for the most part has never met a transgender woman
or man, that they know of. Some, like me, are forced into forms of living
stealth just to survive. When just using the bathroom becomes a threat to your existence
in some parts of the country, something needs to be done, yet we continue to be
forced backwards in most parts of my native state of Ohio. It all makes just
being transgender so difficult to do.
Enough of the negative, and now on to the positive. Even
here in Ohio, the LGBTQ winds of change are blowing with several more
communities proclaiming they are safe zones for us. And, with the strong
showing so far for the Democrats in the country, real change could be on the
horizon for change as we need it.
If and when change does happen, it will make it easier to
live your gender dreams and realize one thing. In the end you are much more
than just another transgender woman or trans man. You are you, and that is the
most important fact to realize if you are to be successful in your world.
