No One Way is Correct

 

Image from Gabor Kaputi
on UnSplash. 

Even though we transgender women and trans men often follow similar gender paths to get to our goals or dreams, it is still true that one path (the one you are on) is the only correct one. Plus, don’t forget there are so many side trips to take such as surgeries and hormones to help us along.

For example, I read about and hear from other transgender women who have elected to undergo major and costly gender surgeries (like Amber) which they deeply feel they need to feel whole, while me, on the other hand have decided to steer clear of any surgeries. Mainly because they don’t define me as a trans woman. I know what my brain is telling me gender-wise and just don’t need the corresponding equipment between my legs to improve my overall being. Although let me say I understand why somebody else would and if I was younger, I might have considered the surgical route. It just took me too long to figure out who the true me was.

Other than surgeries, I took the same path as many of you. I experimented with my mom’s clothes and makeup since I did not have any sisters, all the way to service in the military from those of you who are approximately the same age as I am such as Bobbie W. who even served on her version of the American Forces Radio and Television service as I did, although she was in the Navy. It amazes me how small the world has become because of the internet that many of us did not have in our formative cross-dressing years. Besides Bobbie, over the years, it has amazed me how similar some of our paths have been and it would not have surprised me if we had not met along the way. Except if you were like me, you were desperately attempting to hide your true self from everyone else in the world.

Then there were the evenings when I did see another transgender woman in one of the venues, I was a regular in, other than Racquel who was a trans friend of mine. One in particular was at a TGIF Fridays I went to quite a bit. I watched this well-dressed large woman step up to the bar and order a red wine, then before I could even attempt to introduce myself, she was gone and I never saw her again. So, on that occasion, I did have my path crossed by another transfeminine person since I could not attach a label to her such as a very accomplished cross dresser. Outside of a few “women” I saw shopping in the grocery store over the years, I learned how rare our tribe really is.

One of the reasons we are so rare is that all of those still in the closet due to their gender issues have not had the chance to be out and be counted. Mainly because of all the male baggage they have fears of losing. It is terrifying to think of losing baggage such as spouses, family, friends and jobs to name a few of the bigger ones. At least it was for me as I went through life frustrated with the amount of male baggage I was accumulating.

Even though, when I started blogging years ago to pay forward and help others similar to me in the closet, it occurred to me my plan had backfired to an extent, and I became a role model to some of my readers. Some even wrote in and called me some sort of a hero to them which humbled me because I never set out to do anything like that as I was just trying to live my life the best I could. Writing about my life was Now adays I keep trying to say I am no hero but merely someone who was terrified to leave her closet and live in the world as I knew it. Certainly not a hero by any sense of the word.

Recently, another point that I have been trying to make is there is no right way to achieve leaving your closet and living an authentic feminine life. Sure, it takes a lot of work and effort to achieve doing something the greatest majority of humans have never considered trying. Especially when we live in a negative atmosphere where a certain melon felon and his political party are trying to demonize us. Hopefully, that all will stop happening when the population finally tires of us and seizes the opportunity to vote on the real issues. Which makes it so important that even if you are in your closet, you vote your true conscience this coming midterm. So much for my political rant which is urging you all to get on the right gender path and stay there through the elections and beyond.

In the meantime, always hope for the best when you are out as your authentic transgender self. Your confidence will keep many of the middle of the road haters and bigots away because humans are like sharks, they sense blood in the water. How you get there is determined by many factors, but the main one is you can only gain confidence by going out into the world in your heels and doing it. Other than that, a disarming smile will take you a long way too. Keep in mind that most people don’t care about you, they are only concerned about themselves, and you will be ok.

As you do it, don’t worry about making the big mistake and you will be much freer to be you. You are on the right gender path because you are on it. Sure, it will have many curves and roadblocks but sometimes all of them make the journey much more worth it.