Fight or Flight

 

Image from UnSplash

Perhaps you have heard of the "fight or flight" reaction when you are confronted with a potentially dire situation. Or do you stay and fight or get the heck out of there. 

In the military, no matter how well you could be trained to be in peak physical condition or shoot a weapon with accuracy, the powers to be knew there was nothing they could do about predictable you would be when you were subjected to actual combat conditions. 

By now you may be asking, what in the world does all this mean when compared to the strain of changing genders. Since I am an Army veteran, here are my conclusions. 

First and foremost,  you learn as a man to control your fight or flight reactions in many different ways, most difficult. I remember a black eye I suffered when I refused to back down from a potential future bully all the way to surprisingly winning half of a hand to hand contest with the biggest guy in the platoon. Never mind, I just managed to make him mad and he came back to get even. None of it mattered, because there was nowhere to hide. Especially behind a dress. From there on I learned to at least put up a good front when it came to confrontations with other guys. After the problem I couldn't just run home and take refuge in my small collection of girls makeup and fashion. 

Of course all my ideas and reactions to confrontation needed to rapidly change forever when I transitioned into the life of a fulltime transgender woman. The prime example I always used when I was cornered and was facing a forced molestation action by a much larger man. The lesson I learned was to never get myself into that position again if I could help it. I couldn't just fake my way out of a situation just because of my male privilege's. The other example I like to use was when I was naïve enough as a novice transgender woman to walk alone on dark sidewalks and parking lots. It took me being stopped late one night when I was leaving a gay venue to learn my lesson once and for all. When I went back, I made sure I had a friend go with me.

Once I realized women learn early in life to not put themselves in dangerous situations to start with then rely on masculine behavior to bail themselves out. My "fight or flight" mechanism had come full circle in many ways from my old unwanted masculine days. I started looking ahead for potential problems. Another example was when I prominently began to use my cell phone as a prop when I was out by myself as an unescorted woman in a bar or restaurant.  My thought pattern was, if a potential unwanted suitor was watching me, he would see my phone and think someone was coming to join me. Those were the many nights when I was going out to be alone.

In the meantime, the entire "fight or flight" idea was just another example of my lifetime desire to follow a transgender path. For some reason I was shocked how important the idea was to my safety and lifestyle. Learning to do my best to not put myself in compromising situations was the best thing I could do.