It's All a Dream

In an extension of yesterday's post, I decided to expand upon it a bit further. 

The idea I had was very simple. What if my whole life was nothing more than a dream? As with any dream, some are pleasant while others tend to be nightmarish. When I started my gender dreams, they were pleasant enough. Most of the dreams involved in me being very attractive and existing successfully in my dream feminine world. As it turned out, if that was all which was involved, life would have been so much easier.

Early on, I spent many hours shopping for just the right wardrobe additions so I could present better and better in the world as my dream woman. Due to financial considerations, thrift stores in particular were my friends. In fact, in most of them, I became so comfortable I started to use the changing rooms so I could try on sizes as well as styles. The whole process became so beneficial, I actually became very good at judging which styles would look good on me and even found sizes which fit me. Slowly but surely I began to transform my style into one that blended into the world from the former trashy fashion I thought looked good. My dream was telling me, all my validation as a transgender woman came from being admired by men when in fact it was other women who mattered.

Along the way, I was even able to learn to develop different wardrobe outfits for different occasions. Examples included if I was going to a lesbian bar, I would dress differently than if I was going to a summer downtown summer festival. My goal was to present as an "lipstick lesbian" in boots, jeans and blond wig in the bar but go for a much softer look with a light top, flowing slacks and dark wig when I went downtown. Even I was amazed on how fast my wardrobe had expanded so I could accomplish my goals of blending and enjoying my evenings. Especially the gay bar when a butch lesbian in a cowboy hat forced me into trying to sing karaoke with her. Something I was totally against because I was and am I totally not a good singer. To make a long story short, I managed to blurt out the only country song I knew and a hurry. Her only comment I remembered hearing was my voice was lower than hers. At the least, the bartender got a laugh out of the whole affair since she knew the truth about me. 

Surprisingly to me, none of this was in my dreams. In fact, my dreams were fairly mundane when compared to how my life was turning out when I transitioned into a fulltime life as a transgender woman. No longer was I in essence playing with my gender. When I started hormone replacement therapy and finally came to the conclusion I was no longer a casual cross dresser, I knew I was no longer in a dream.

It took me years, to figure out my gender issues were much more than casual dreams. Plus, my gender was much more than a game I was playing with. These days, my sub conscious is catching up with the fact I transitioned a decade ago to living as a transwoman. I am dreaming increasingly of me as a woman.