Always on Stage

Image from
the Jessie
Hart Archives

Very early on I learned when I entered the world as a novice cross dresser, I was always on stage. 

More precisely, not only were men judging me, I also needed to worry about other women. Even more so than men as it turned out. As women in particular had the tendency to be more picky than anyone else because they had been through the process of appearing in public. Women know all of the intricacies of fashion and makeup. Even if they decide to follow the rules or not. At the least, genetic or cis-women don't have to follow the rules when they go out in public. 

How this all translates to transgender women is, we all have to try harder than the average woman just to get by in the world. Not only do we have to blend in with the women of the world in general, we have to do it better. My biggest mistake was when I began to transition, I was still mainly interested to pleasing men which eventually led me to try to dress sexy. Which eventually turned out to be trashy for me. The entire process for me led to me creating too much negative attention that resulted in embarrassing situations. I was trying to fit my testosterone poisoned male body into teen girl fashions, which in no way worked. 

Finally I learned the hard way to blend in but with an edge. By an edge I mean I still had to work hard on my feminine image. I needed to out do other women but not look like I was trying. To work towards accomplishing my task, I had to perfect an understated fashion look. What were other women wearing and how could I come close. Not to mention the makeup I chose for where I was going. 

Since I was always on stage, I became used to it. I became secure enough not to retreat when I was approached mainly by other cis-women. I kept my cool and was able to learn from them. How did they handle the world around them. Specifically their interaction with other men. It turned out, for whatever reason, I never was able to have much interaction with men to worry about. As I said, women were a different matter. Other women often were able to start a conversation with me by complementing me on an accessory such as my ear-rings. probably because most were just curious why I wanted to be in their feminine world. Through it all, I found overall acceptance and was able to slowly perfect my on stage presence. So much so, I began to feel natural doing it.

Feeling natural soon became a primary goal for me. As my old unwanted male self began to slip away, I felt better and better about myself. 

Even though being on stage was very un-nerving for me in the beginning, I became used to it as a normal way of life for all women in the world. Both men and other women were always looking at me. Once I got used to it, life became so much easier to survive as a transgender woman in the world.