Why?

How could anyone think we make a conscious choice to walk down the transgendered road when it is so difficult to navigate?
Do they really think we could put it down like smoking or drinking?
The recent stats show how many of us live in total poverty.  Worse yet,. the number of us that face violence (and lose) is just scary.
Add on the suicides, loss of family and friends and even discord within our own community and no reality show could ever really scratch the surface.
To coin a term OMG!
Over the years, I've tried to think of some of my worst enemies who I could share my "condition" with and came up with a big fat zero. I've never hated that much!
On the other hand I wouldn't want to share the "euphoria"I felt last night. Yes, I am that selfish and I couldn't even begin to realistically explain it to a "normal" gendered person. Walking through a group of partying people with my long black wavy hair. Shoulders back, favorite outfit, scarf and bling. OMG it was fun!
What can I say, except I'm so lucky not to live in poverty. I am not lucky enough to say I haven't considered offing myself. What's left of my family knows I'm trans and I really get upset over those in our community who believe a total sex change makes you a better person than a crossdresser.
The only certainty I have is uncertainty.  Do I risk health problems at this point in my life to be more of a female. Do I go away and live full time? Do I continue the dual status I live now?
The only answer I have is that I don't know.  Some days it's my own personal gender nightmare. More than likely, one I'll take to my grave.
All these years "they" said I could put all this behind me.  OMG!
(OMG means Oh My God!)