"Mo" Music

 I'm sure some of you more "mature" Cyrsti's Condo readers will remember your favorite "Top 40" radio station which was always claiming to play the most music when in fact, they were cramming in the most commercials at the same time.

I worked at one of those radio stations as an announcer/disc jockey for nearly five years before moving on to another profession. It turns out during my career, I nearly missed working with other transgender women. One in Thailand who I met briefly later and one in Springfield, Ohio who I never met. Later on I wondered if the profession itself was what attracted transgender people. 

After hearing from Connie and Paula, I wonder the same thing about musicians as I know another transgender musician locally. 

In addition, you will learn from Paula how she witnessed another "coming out" of sorts during her ongoing career as a musician:

"My experience as a trans musician has probably been a bit different to most, for a number of reasons, I play mostly as an amateur, and I play in orchestras, concert and brass bands. I came out rather dramatically https://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2014/06/still-good-day.html but so far have had only positive reactions from other musicians and audiences alike. I am quite sure that I have not got a couple of conducting jobs I've auditioned for because of my gender identity, but is that because I'm trans or because I'm a woman?

Curiously a pro "German" Band I used to play in (you might call them polka and waltz bands) had a rolling membership in all there were a bout 30 of us, but we would generally go out as a five or six piece (sometimes up to three a night!). We had a very good trombone player, who was clearly having issues, he was ultra competitive and could verge on aggressive. We later found out that he was trans and gave up playing after she transitioned, I have often thought that if either of us had felt able to say anything we might both have been saved a lot of angst."

FYI, Paula is located "across the pond" in Great Britain. Thanks for the comment!

Venessa

Recently I posted here in Cyrsti's Condo about a friend I have known for awhile now who I met the first time at a cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I attended. She appeared to be very shy and reserved about the daunting process she was facing during her Mtf gender transition. 

She was facing a long road ahead since she was determined about coming out at work and doing the best she could to save her marriage and family connections. 

Over time, I followed her transgender transition and the difficulties she encountered. Through it all, she was resolute in her journey. As we all know it's a marathon, not a sprint and once we think we have something figured out, something else pops up to push us backwards. 

To show you how secure she is about her transgender transition, she even provided a montage of pictures recently on here Facebook page (below)

 Also, I need to point out Venessa has overcome the obstacles of being tall and working in a male dominated industry. 

I don't think she realizes what an inspiration she is to transgender women everywhere. 

You Go! Girl!!
 

Confidence...The Perfect Accessory

 

Transgender Upheaval in Germany

 "Degrading, expensive and illogical" — that is how one trans* person described her experience of legally changing her gender in Germany.

Felicia Rolletschke (below) is one of many transgender activists who is fighting for a reform to the so-called Transsexual Law, which determines the legal process for trans* people to change their gender and name in Germany. By the beginning of 2021, the law will have been in place for 40 years — a time frame in which many countries around the world have seen great upheaval in their legislation around trans* rights.

There are currently two bills before the German parliament that aim to ease this process with a new "self-determination law" (Selbstbestimmungsgesetz). Activists hope such a law would reform the current costly, lengthy process — but the reform has faced some stiff opposition.

The Power of Passing

 I know many of you follow Stana's Femulate Blog as I do. If you do, I am sure you saw the series of responses from readers to Stana's question concerning the time or times they have "passed" as a cis woman even though they were transgender or a cross dresser. I read the experiences with great interest but decided not to add my own oft repeated occasion when I went to a transvestite mixer and was nearly turned away for being a "real" woman. 

Ironically then I read a lengthy and in-depth insight into passing written by Phaylen Fairchild on "Medium". 

"Let’s call “Passing” what it really is: The desire to meet the standard of an external social gaze. The privilege of blending in with the rest of society as a “norm” rather than stand out as an “other.” I am not sure why no one has told these incredible people why standing out is far more powerful than falling into formation to satisfy the often unreasonable definitions of femininity and masculinity as if they have firm definitions… they don’t. I know many women with masculine traits, wide shoulders for example, arms with ample hair, some stand over six feet tall or are mistaken for a man on the telephone because their voice is not received as explicitly female. There are men with small waists, even proud busts that make small-breasted women jealous. Some have soft features or mannerisms that have been classified as traditionally feminine. That fact is, while masculinity and femininity are identifiable characteristics, they are not and never have been exclusive to men or women, transgender or not."

She goes on to say: 

" The demand we place on ourselves to satisfy the external gaze becomes nearly excessive, thus, self destructive. What does the perfect woman look like? How does she sound? The ideal man?"

You can follow this link to read more but in the meantime, I think Phaylen's next post should be based on "passing privileges'" which she seems to have from her picture above. 

I know in the all so brief fleeting moments when I have completely passed, I could only describe the time as wonderfully liberating. To the point in which I immediately wondered if it happened at all. 

Once the Genie is Out of the Bottle

I used to equate the adventures I went through as I began my feminine lifestyle as sliding down a very slippery slope towards a very steep cliff. Later on, I began to think of it as letting the Genie out of the bottle.

A few experiences were very positive and reassuring such as being turned away at the door at a transvestite "mixer" because I was a real woman all the way to being laughed at and scorned in a couple different venues I frequented.  Through it all I had a tendency to resolve I was doing the best I could to cross a very difficult gender frontier. As a guy, I did my very best to cover up any feminine tendencies I had. Needless to say, once the Genie was released, the gender dysphoria was unbearable. 

The picture above is with two of my friends who made my journey smoother. They embraced who I was and never interacted with the old male me. You might say they saw the Genie appear and approved.

Even with their help, life was still difficult. I was still recoiling from the loss of my wife and other close friends. My business was gone too and the only reality I thought I could cling to was the fact I wanted to transform myself to a transgender woman. 

Very quickly I found I could and didn't want to go back.  

All of this occurred before I even met Liz which would have been approximately ten years ago. She too, fully embraced me as a woman and I started HRT. (Hormone Replacement Therapy) By this time, the genie was fully out of the bottle and there would be no turning back.

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A Caricature?

 From disabled transgender poet Torrin A Greathouse:

"If we're not feminine enough, that is a failure. But if trans women are too feminine, that is also seen as a flaw. It is seen as a caricature of womanhood."

Where does that statement leave you? For me, it brings back memories of obsessing over every aspect of my feminine presentation. In fact, I have often written about the differences between my early posts here in Cyrsti's Condo as compared to my current offerings. Nearly all of the decade old posts have a definite  bias on every aspect of what I was wearing.  Perhaps I was presenting as too feminine and maybe I was a caricature myself. 

Of course time changes all of us and I was changed by the cis women I interacted with.  They brought a different feel to their femininity and one I happened to identify with.  All of a sudden finding exactly the correct accessory to wear when I met them wasn't the priority, communicating with them and the world became a real goal. I guess you could call it acceptance over accessories. Through it all, I was able to observe how they interacted with the world and my small tight-knit circle of friends ushered in my unique personal womanhood. 

In other words, I was able to escape the "caricature" mold Greathouse writes about by capturing what being a woman meant to me. Obviously there were surprises along the way. 

Overall though, I changed and was able to finally thrive. In no small deal thanks to all of them. 

They showed me the way out of the clothes into the real world and gave me confidence to live the life I had always dreamed of living. 

If you would want to read more of the "NPR" post with Torrin Greathouse, follow the link above. 

Warmth!

For those of you in cold climates, this picture of transgender woman, Melonee Malone should warm you up! 

2020...It is What it Was

 As we conclude the year 2020, it's easy to remember all the negatives. Primarily all the lives which were affected by the virus. Either by death or lingering physical effects. 

Other negatives seemed to be extra tough on those of us who deal with gender dysphoria. All of a sudden we were forced back into our closets from a overabundance of fear. The only socially redeeming value was the mask we hid behind and the socially distanced space we were encouraged to keep helped us all to present more effectively to a questioning world. Even the most innocent dinners out I enjoyed so much turned into an increasingly scary experience. During the year, I learned the hard way how I relied on gender feedback from the public to justify my gender feelings.  

Through it all, there still were positives. One of which of course was Benedict Donald losing the election. Donnie it seemed was totally for taking all rights away from the transgender population, even to the point of erasing us. Hopefully we will see President Elect Biden reverse rumps terrible transgender military ban quickly. At the least, there is hope for the New Year. 

Then there is the vaccine. I know it is not an immediate cure all to the pandemic but again it is a positive place to start. 

Similar to so many others, I have put together a few New Years' resolutions for 2021. Among other things I plan on returning to my meditation, writing more and trying to schedule at least one time a month when Liz and I can safely venture out of the house. In fact, we have already reserved two spots for a socially distanced paranormal adventure at a haunted opera house in Kentucky in January. After all, we don't want to pass along the virus to the ghosts :).  

Most of all, I would like to say Thank You to all of you who stopped by Cyrsti's Condo in 2020. Your input and visits make it all worthwhile.

Have a happy and productive 2021! Cheers!!!