Another Look at Priviledge

We received this thoughtful comment from Connie on our Cyrsti's Condo discussion of gender privilege:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEAugust 28, 2018 at 8:41 PM

"Earning privilege is what women do, while men are afforded it through social norms. Yes, I would rather be a strong woman who earned her privilege, rather than a weak man who attained his privilege at birth. In fact, that's what my transition has been all about. I always considered myself to be rather weak, as a man (although I did cover it up with a false bravado). I never really saw myself as having the power that my born-male privilege afforded me, as I could never even envisage myself as the typical male power figure.

I remember so well, after my father died when I was eight-years-old, all of the adult males who would offer their condolences to me by saying: "Well, you're the man of the house now, and you must take care of your mother and little brother." I never answered back aloud, but I would be screaming inside that I didn't want that job, and wasn't it bad enough, already, that I'd lost my father.

I grew up with only a mother, and I modeled myself after her. She became stronger after my father's death, and I held admiration for that. I also admired her wardrobe and her physical beauty, but that was just because I was trans. I believe I would have grown up with that acquired respect for women, even if I hadn't been trans, but being so raised its intensity, I'm sure.

There is power and privilege in womanhood, albeit, traditionally, in a subservient role to men. Men attempt to hold power over women, but they also do so with other men. Women haven't been so inclined to work that way, but that doesn't mean we can't take the lead with a different approach. I'm just sorry that I waited so long to put myself in a position to find success in applying that approach. Being an older woman now exposes me to another power/privilege problem: Ageism. But that's a different discussion, altogether."

I have always thought when some men feel their privilege is threatened, they lash out with violence. It's all some of them know.

Thanks for the comment. 

Travel Day to the Doc

Well, travel day to the Veterans Administration hospital in Dayton, Ohio went very well for a change.

Traffic volume was surprisingly light back and forth.

First of all, I wore my "Stars and Stripes" top with a pair of tight fitting leggings.

My first stop was to get blood drawn for my extensive lab work due later in the day. As luck would have it, I ended up with a woman in the lab who has taken my blood for years. She said I truthfully was looking good, which got my day off to a great start. She made the point she wasn't just being polite. If she had known how to say it, I'm sure she meant I was transitioning nicely.

Since I had to fast for 12 hours (not eat) for the honor of someone sticking my arm and taking blood, I received a food voucher for lunch. I went down to the cafeteria and ordered a chicken salad sandwich. As I stood in line, a very rude woman making the sandwiches was barking out orders. I thought to myself if I make it past this with out getting mis-gendered I would be doing very good. And I was right, she ended up calling me "he". There was so much confusion going on, I couldn't be sure and just wanted my food. As I was starving.

Next stop was to my new blood doc and a ton of good news. My iron level in my blood was very good. So good, I didn't have to have a pint drawn out yesterday. Plus the Doc was very respectful and called me"her" several times. Also, the all important liver functions were normal according to the blood work.

As trips go, yesterday was a success!

Raising a Man

Just as sure as a "female" is not automatically a woman, a "male" is not automatically a man. Both are the result of socialization.

These days in fact, raising a son into a man may be tougher than raising a girl into a woman. The question was raised by Cyrsti's Condo reader Shelle lles:

Shelle IlesAugust 25, 2018 at 2:03 PM

Just as confusing the very definition of what a Male is seems to be in serious flux as well.
Males are encouraged by some to be more feminized, the difference between Male and female is being blurred by the idea that males should no longer have any privilege I for one like that we are different.

Thanks for the thoughtful comment. I think anymore, it may be tougher also to raise a boy too because of the changes in what it all means in the gender binary system.

In fact, the whole idea of a strict binary may be slipping away...I hope. Plus, any privilege should be earned, not be automatically given to one gender...or another.

From the Bar

This picture was taken Saturday night by Liz after several "cocktails":

In fact, this was taken following a shot of Jager :)

As written before, we were at Club Diversity in Columbus, Ohio. One of the most inclusive venues around.

Plenty of transgender women, even more cross dressers and gay men.

Are You at Risk?

These days, the very definition of what being a woman is all about is in serious flux.

Of course, there are the issues of equality in the workplace, the #MeToo movement as as well as the issue of continuing violence against women.

In the midst of all of it, where does a transgender woman struggling to find her feminine identity fit in? It's a difficult question and different for each one of us. But, is it really? Even after all the years I have been full time living as a trans woman, I still find myself falling back into a default male spot when a man is accused of doing something to a woman. What I mean is, what happened to the woman could never happen to me anyhow. Then I begin to think, yes it could.

Plus, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the current person "in charge" of our country who can't seem to deal with women on an equal level at all.

Recently even, here in Ohio, we were all mesmerized in a negative way when The Ohio State University's very successful and very popular football coach came out looking very sleazy in a recent scandal over an assistant wife beating accusations. To make a very long complicated story short, the accused coach was a grandson of another OSU head coach and a mentor of the current head coach.

By now, you may be thinking, what does this have to do with me? Well, everything. As you transition you will be losing your male privilege and will need stricter protections someday to survive.

Let's take another look at the whole affair from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEAugust 23, 2018 at 12:08 PM

"Well, since you brought it up.......Urban Meyer (The Ohio State Coach) has shown himself to be somewhat of a slimeball, I think. He obviously lied, and then, when asked a direct question about the victim, deflected with a non-answer without anything close to a sincere apology. I think he's behaved in a much more egregious way then, say, Pete Carroll ever did. These coaches are put on impossibly-high pedestals and are paid obscene amounts of money. That doesn't mean they're absolved for their indiscretions, however. The "Good 'Ol Boys" clubs in sports, business, religion, and politics need to be taken down.

I would argue that this is really important to write about, even if it has nothing to do, directly, with transgender issues. Oh, wait! As transgender women, we should realize that it has everything to do with the way men treat and value women."

I love the last paragraph!

Confidence

One of most recurring themes here in Cyrsti's Condo over the years, has been the fact "confidence" is your number one accessory to any outfit. Not your dress, not your purse or your makeup. If you carry yourself as if nothing is wrong, most people will think that too. Essentially you will have perfected your own feminine mystique.

Of course, if you go overboard and wear a micro mini spandex skirt to the grocery next time, you will be certain to get your fair (and unfair) share of stares. Seemingly, something all of us novice cross dressers or transgender women have to go through on our paths to wherever we want to get to.

Personally, one thing that drives me crazy is when I see the mini skirt I mentioned above over ill disguised foam padding. The mirror must have been really lying to the cross dresser that day. I know, because I have done it myself. Over the years though, I learned from my mistakes, the stares and snickers (or Milky Way's) lessened and my confidence increased.

One of the hardest things for me to do was believe in myself that I could do this woman thing. As time went by, I hid my small feminine presentation mistakes with having the confidence to be who I was.

As you develop your transgender confidence, you will find slowly but surely you will have more bright days than dull ones!

Departure Time Comes Soon

In a couple of days, Liz and I make another trip north to Columbus for a short mini vacation. Once again, I am struggling on what to wear.

Of course I have the choice of my two maxi dresses now, so I could wear jeans for the drive and change into one of them for the evening. We are not planning on going anyplace very upscale, so one or the other of the dresses should work.

I have never posted a picture of the one green one on Cyrsti's Condo, so perhaps I can remember to ask Liz to take one on Saturday.

Plus, I wanted to try to get my nails done before we went again but I don't think time will permit us to do it. Oh well.

I keep telling myself this is the fun part of being transgender and transitioning into a full time woman. I know years ago, I would have killed for this privilege. Now it is more than a need than a want. Presenting feminine at my apex has become a passion for me again.

All facets of it. I can be a tom-boy in jeans one day and a girly-girl in a dress the next.

It's been all of what I have been missing all these years. Now I have to learn the hardest thing of all for me...being happy doing it!

Boring

The two meetings yesterday provided little blog content.

My first, was a regular appointment with the psychologist who monitors my meds and moods, seeing as how I am bi-polar. She asks questions such as have I thought about killing myself recently (no), or anyone else (NO!) not even in the brutal Cincinnati rush hour traffic. The only real drama was when a "fake" therapy dog in the hallway yelped a couple of times.

After taking the elevator down the seven floors for liquid refreshment from my fave coffee shop which operates a franchise in the hospital as part of the overall canteen. Once I got it, I went upstairs to attend the LGBTQ support group meeting. Unfortunately, the "on again-off again" SRS person wasn't there. She normally has something remotely interesting to say, even though it my not be true. There was one person there who shared his stories of attending San Francisco Pride days. Plus the moderator had even been to New York's Pride extravaganza.

Melissa

Our token lesbian talked of attending a "Dyke" party at a Melissa Etheridge concert at Lima, Ohio. If you are not aware of her, she is an out lesbian entertainer and an out spoken proponent of marijuana.

She has a gravely voice and could be an example for what I am trying to achieve.

Of course, my voice lessons did come out and another participant seemed interested in trying out the same program.

Sometimes it amazes me how much you can write about nothing really important.

Like, what is going to happen to the suspended The Ohio State University football coach Urban Meyer :)

Coming up next? Trying to figure out what to wear on my mini vacation this weekend in Columbus, Ohio. Now, that's important!

I Passed!

At least, I got off to a good start with my voice instructor and passed my first homework assignment.

Some days I work harder on it than others naturally, so I had my doubts how it would go. So now I have progressed up from just words and sounds to full blown phrases already. I can only say it is one of the toughest things I have ever done and I suppose if you have any vocal (musical) training at all, you know what I am talking about...no pun intended.

Next I have to add a recommended voice pitch app on my phone to solidify my gains.

Not to pat myself on my back but the other transgender women before me must have been unable or unwilling to follow instructions to improve. I think that because of all the feedback I received.

As far as the other "passing" goes, I wore one of my loose sleeveless tops with a pair of "Jeggings" and tennis shoes for my long walk back and forth to the car. I received no feedback except for a "Hello Honey" from a stray guy.

So all went well.

Today I go back for my "pill pusher" appointment and my LGBTQ  veterans support group which is normally always interesting.

More to come tomorrow.