Are You at Risk?

These days, the very definition of what being a woman is all about is in serious flux.

Of course, there are the issues of equality in the workplace, the #MeToo movement as as well as the issue of continuing violence against women.

In the midst of all of it, where does a transgender woman struggling to find her feminine identity fit in? It's a difficult question and different for each one of us. But, is it really? Even after all the years I have been full time living as a trans woman, I still find myself falling back into a default male spot when a man is accused of doing something to a woman. What I mean is, what happened to the woman could never happen to me anyhow. Then I begin to think, yes it could.

Plus, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the current person "in charge" of our country who can't seem to deal with women on an equal level at all.

Recently even, here in Ohio, we were all mesmerized in a negative way when The Ohio State University's very successful and very popular football coach came out looking very sleazy in a recent scandal over an assistant wife beating accusations. To make a very long complicated story short, the accused coach was a grandson of another OSU head coach and a mentor of the current head coach.

By now, you may be thinking, what does this have to do with me? Well, everything. As you transition you will be losing your male privilege and will need stricter protections someday to survive.

Let's take another look at the whole affair from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEAugust 23, 2018 at 12:08 PM

"Well, since you brought it up.......Urban Meyer (The Ohio State Coach) has shown himself to be somewhat of a slimeball, I think. He obviously lied, and then, when asked a direct question about the victim, deflected with a non-answer without anything close to a sincere apology. I think he's behaved in a much more egregious way then, say, Pete Carroll ever did. These coaches are put on impossibly-high pedestals and are paid obscene amounts of money. That doesn't mean they're absolved for their indiscretions, however. The "Good 'Ol Boys" clubs in sports, business, religion, and politics need to be taken down.

I would argue that this is really important to write about, even if it has nothing to do, directly, with transgender issues. Oh, wait! As transgender women, we should realize that it has everything to do with the way men treat and value women."

I love the last paragraph!

Confidence

One of most recurring themes here in Cyrsti's Condo over the years, has been the fact "confidence" is your number one accessory to any outfit. Not your dress, not your purse or your makeup. If you carry yourself as if nothing is wrong, most people will think that too. Essentially you will have perfected your own feminine mystique.

Of course, if you go overboard and wear a micro mini spandex skirt to the grocery next time, you will be certain to get your fair (and unfair) share of stares. Seemingly, something all of us novice cross dressers or transgender women have to go through on our paths to wherever we want to get to.

Personally, one thing that drives me crazy is when I see the mini skirt I mentioned above over ill disguised foam padding. The mirror must have been really lying to the cross dresser that day. I know, because I have done it myself. Over the years though, I learned from my mistakes, the stares and snickers (or Milky Way's) lessened and my confidence increased.

One of the hardest things for me to do was believe in myself that I could do this woman thing. As time went by, I hid my small feminine presentation mistakes with having the confidence to be who I was.

As you develop your transgender confidence, you will find slowly but surely you will have more bright days than dull ones!

Departure Time Comes Soon

In a couple of days, Liz and I make another trip north to Columbus for a short mini vacation. Once again, I am struggling on what to wear.

Of course I have the choice of my two maxi dresses now, so I could wear jeans for the drive and change into one of them for the evening. We are not planning on going anyplace very upscale, so one or the other of the dresses should work.

I have never posted a picture of the one green one on Cyrsti's Condo, so perhaps I can remember to ask Liz to take one on Saturday.

Plus, I wanted to try to get my nails done before we went again but I don't think time will permit us to do it. Oh well.

I keep telling myself this is the fun part of being transgender and transitioning into a full time woman. I know years ago, I would have killed for this privilege. Now it is more than a need than a want. Presenting feminine at my apex has become a passion for me again.

All facets of it. I can be a tom-boy in jeans one day and a girly-girl in a dress the next.

It's been all of what I have been missing all these years. Now I have to learn the hardest thing of all for me...being happy doing it!

Boring

The two meetings yesterday provided little blog content.

My first, was a regular appointment with the psychologist who monitors my meds and moods, seeing as how I am bi-polar. She asks questions such as have I thought about killing myself recently (no), or anyone else (NO!) not even in the brutal Cincinnati rush hour traffic. The only real drama was when a "fake" therapy dog in the hallway yelped a couple of times.

After taking the elevator down the seven floors for liquid refreshment from my fave coffee shop which operates a franchise in the hospital as part of the overall canteen. Once I got it, I went upstairs to attend the LGBTQ support group meeting. Unfortunately, the "on again-off again" SRS person wasn't there. She normally has something remotely interesting to say, even though it my not be true. There was one person there who shared his stories of attending San Francisco Pride days. Plus the moderator had even been to New York's Pride extravaganza.

Melissa

Our token lesbian talked of attending a "Dyke" party at a Melissa Etheridge concert at Lima, Ohio. If you are not aware of her, she is an out lesbian entertainer and an out spoken proponent of marijuana.

She has a gravely voice and could be an example for what I am trying to achieve.

Of course, my voice lessons did come out and another participant seemed interested in trying out the same program.

Sometimes it amazes me how much you can write about nothing really important.

Like, what is going to happen to the suspended The Ohio State University football coach Urban Meyer :)

Coming up next? Trying to figure out what to wear on my mini vacation this weekend in Columbus, Ohio. Now, that's important!

I Passed!

At least, I got off to a good start with my voice instructor and passed my first homework assignment.

Some days I work harder on it than others naturally, so I had my doubts how it would go. So now I have progressed up from just words and sounds to full blown phrases already. I can only say it is one of the toughest things I have ever done and I suppose if you have any vocal (musical) training at all, you know what I am talking about...no pun intended.

Next I have to add a recommended voice pitch app on my phone to solidify my gains.

Not to pat myself on my back but the other transgender women before me must have been unable or unwilling to follow instructions to improve. I think that because of all the feedback I received.

As far as the other "passing" goes, I wore one of my loose sleeveless tops with a pair of "Jeggings" and tennis shoes for my long walk back and forth to the car. I received no feedback except for a "Hello Honey" from a stray guy.

So all went well.

Today I go back for my "pill pusher" appointment and my LGBTQ  veterans support group which is normally always interesting.

More to come tomorrow.

Travel Days

Coming up on Monday is my second voice lesson. We will see (or hear) how it goes. As far as my homework goes, I could have been more detail orientated but at the least, I have some idea of where to go and I can feel my vocal chords expand and contract. We will find out soon enough how much of a change I will experience with my new instructor.

Tuesday, is essentially a dual appointment. I need to see the person who monitors all my medications to make sure they are up to date. Then it's time for my VA LGBT transgender support group. I have added the LGBT to the title, because lately, we have had several gay men and the occasional lesbian visit.

Club Diversity, Columbus, Ohio

As I think abut it, "The Occasional Lesbian" could be a wonderful title for a book or movie.

Finally, later in the week, Liz (my partner) and I are taking one of our overnight get away's up to Columbus, Ohio. While we are there, we are planning to retrace our steps to one of our favorite hangouts, Club Diversity. If you happen to ever find yourself in Columbus, "Club D" is the place to go for a fine martini and a very inclusive environment.  In fact, the owner is transgender.

I still have to figure out what I am going to wear for the weekend. But, what the heck, I still have plenty of time to check out how the weather is supposed to be and work my way from there.

It's going to be a busy week!

Farewell!

All too soon it seems, it is time to say goodbye to the incomparable Aretha Franklin.

In comparison to all her other wonderful hits, her rendition of "A Natural Woman" for many of us, made the top all time lists of transgender hits.


Plus, for those of us who are more mature - :), her earlier hits such as R.E.S.P..E.C.T, set the standard for early woman's rights.  A fight which continues unabated to this day.

Aretha Franklin was also a great gospel artist to go along with her other attributes.

Rest in Power Aretha, you will be missed.

No Fun

After I finished my walk this morning, completed part of my vocal training homework and ate a bowl of some sort of cereal which had a strong resemblance to tree bark, I wondered how much of this I would be doing if I wasn't transgender and wanted to look my best. Of course, I would not be doing my vocal training but the rest, possibly.

Again and again, I am reminded of those novice cross dressers who say they will never pass without considering what steps need to be taken to have the best feminine presentation possible. Our skin comes to mind as another area of upkeep which needs extra attention. I make sure all my makeup is removed at night before applying my moisturizer/ wrinkle cream. As, I need all the help I can get for my nearly 69 year old skin.

I just like to know I am doing my best to look good because again, I need all the help I can get. And yes, that includes looking at some of my most unpleasant parts of my body. For another "tongue in cheek" look, let's check in with Connie and her comment on checking for your skin tone, by looking underneath your wrist:

 FABULOUSCONNIEDEEAugust 16, 2018 at 1:29 PM

"So, you're asking me to look at one of my most unfeminine physical parts to determine which color I should wear, are you? Not only are my wrists large, I have an ugly scar from a botched surgery after a work accident left me with two severed tendons to my thumb. Add the fact that my veins (no matter their color) tend to pop out in a masculine way, either from the heat or from strenuous physical activity, and the underside of my wrists are really dysphoria triggers. Nevertheless, my veins are blue, and I am as cool with my femininity as the colors that look good on me! :-)"

Cool!

Fall Colors

As August begins to fade, September of course ushers in a fresh fashion palette for us all. One of the prime times to have fun being a girl.

To help, I have added a "Trendy colors" chart from Deborah Boland and the "Fabulous After 40" fashion blog.

Some of these colors go better with a warm skin tone...some with a cool skin. If you struggle with which tone you have, here is more help:

Warm undertones range from peach to yellow and golden. Some people with warm undertones also have sallow skin. Cool undertones include pink and bluish hues. If you have a neutral undertone, this means that your undertones are roughly the same color as your actual skin tone.

How do you determine which undertones you have? Look on the inside of your wrists for a vein or two. If they look blue or purple, it means you have cool toned skin. If green you are warm toned. If you have a hard time telling, you are a nuetral skinned person. 

All of which leads us back to the chart above and the colors you will look best in. For example, I am a warm skinned person, so I lean towards the reds, yellows , oranges and olive greens. If you are a cool toned person , you look best in the blues, purples and emerald greens. Finally, neutral toned transgender girls can rock all the colors.

You see, when you break down all the different standards cis women go through to look effortlessly good, it's not that difficult. 

Being transgender though, means we have to do it better.