Trauma

I read a post today from one of my Facebook contacts I know in person. Plus, she also spent time in my hometown where she went to college.

It seems, she went back to re-live the "good old days" on the college campus, instead all she got was a sense of deep trauma. She couldn't figure it out because she was discussing the days before she transitioned into the transgender woman she is today.

Of course I got to thinking of why the town brings me so much trauma too. In my case it has to do with several factors. The most major of course, had to do with all the loss of life which happened around me.  From parents, to spouse, to close friends, I lost them all there. Then there were the two businesses I lost in the city I'm from. And, finally, there are the two properties I still own there I am trying to get rid of.

In fact, I don't have to go there to suffer the trauma, I feel it right now. I have my own little trick to get rid of the stress by using a phantom eraser in my mind. With my meditation it works fairly well...most of the time.

The trauma which I suffer which still baffles me is when I go for a night out. Literally, it has been over five years ago since I have received a very negative comment. Outside of the occasional mis-gendering, I just don't have many problems. So why the trauma? I consider it a form of PTSD which most likely will be with me forever.

Might as well learn to live with it. Such is a transgender life.

Finding a New Voice

As I am only approximately a week away from my voice therapy session at the Veterans Administration, I am keenly aware of any posts I find on my email feed on the subject.

I found one this morning on "The Washington Post" which put a bit of a different spin on the subject. 

I have decided to pass along a few excerpts:

 “We’re not just changing their voice pitch,” said Adrienne Hancock, an associate professor at George Washington and a pioneer in the field, according to many of her professional peers. “We’re changing how they express themselves.

”It is vital to transgender women to find the feminine voice that matches their gender identity, gives them confidence and helps prevent harassment.

Dena, the woman undergoing the training session — she asked that her last name not be used — explained the danger of being a transgender woman with a man's voice in the company of strangers.

“Passing is a safety thing for transgender people, and the voice is part of that,” she said. “It’s not just for me to be comfortable, but to protect me.”

The problem for transgender women is that finding a feminine voice is no easy task. As The Washington Post reported, testosterone, which transgender men take to build up their muscles and grow facial hair, also increases the size of their vocal folds, making their voices deeper. Estrogen, however, which most transgender women take, can’t shrink the vocal cords.

Go here for more.

Thanks

Thanks for the responses concerning my test post. One thing I neglected to mention, the G-pad was nearly free with my phone upgrade. I feel pretty spiffy with my new girly sparkly phone case :).

And, no Connie, it's not a G-spot phone. Jeni, I wish I could understand half of what you were telling me. I am very technological challenged!

 If the device turns on and works, I am happy. Plus, the cute guy who did all the work,  managed to transfer everything from my old phone and didn't mis-gender me once.

Testing a New Toy

I am trying out a new G pad 8.0 to see if I can post directly to the blog.

It has the possibility of making life more productive when i wait for upcoming doctors appointments.

Another Night Out

Last night turned out to be a fairly uneventful evening. The group was a little different with two confirmed cross dressers, a gay couple and Liz and I. It seemed, I was the token "bitchy"transgender woman.

The gossip last night revolved mostly around people I didn't even know, so I wished they were there to defend themselves. One, I think, was a dating interest of one of the cross dressers who prides himself on the number of cis girls who supposedly want to date him. (As you noticed, I do use the "he" pronoun with him.) If you knew him, you would agree.

Overall, yesterday was a very busy day. I started by joining Liz for her karate class, then spent an hour and a half of my life I will never get back waiting to get a new cell phone to replace the ancient one I had. From there we made another stop before going shopping for a dress to wear during dinner. Fortunately, I found another very sharp green patterned maxi dress which offset my still reddish hair. Plus, while I was there, I found a couple of "softies" night shirts.

Finally, we went on attack mode and took on the grocery store.

Throughout the day, no one mis-gendered me and it was great to just be myself.

You Can Call Me...

Following a post essentially about labels and the trans girl....Connie sent in this comment:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 26, 2018 at 2:42 PM

"Since my early days of suffering from gender dysphoria, I have never heard a word that could describe who I am. What I apparently WAS, though, before the term "transgender" had ever been coined, was a transvestite. Still, I could not accept that term as one that defined who I was. I feel the same way about how the term "transgender" does not describe well enough who I am now. If others need the term to have something with which to define me, so be it; I do not use it for myself. Now that just "trans" seems to be the more popular word, I prefer to say that, for me, it is short for "transcend", as I feel I have done more than simply crossed a gender line.

I like the other joke: The difference between a trans woman and a cross dresser is that a cross dresser can't wait to get home to put her bra on, and a trans woman can't wait to get home so she can take her bra off. If only it were so simple, however. There is also a difference between a cross dresser and cross dressing, even if that is what a cross dresser does. When one determines that she will, henceforth, live the rest of her life as a woman, I don't think she cross dresses at all. I was never a cross dresser, but I cross dressed for many years as a means of survival until I could transcend. Transcending coincided with transition, but the first is the spiritual part, while the latter is more physical in nature.

Whatever "trans" word one wants to use, we all have the same seed that prompts us to want to express our feminine side. In that sense, "transgender" could be as good an umbrella term as any. We're not all the same, in gender or otherwise. I have long since given up wondering if I should be the one holding the umbrella or just be one out on the fringe with one foot in and one out. There was a time, for a short while, when I was happy to have the protection of that umbrella, and it was instrumental in getting me out of the closet. It wasn't long, though, before I realized that just expressing my feminine side on Thursday nights was exactly seven days and six nights short of what I needed.

Another thing I have had to endure in my life is whether I am a real musician or not. I am a drummer, even considered to be a percussionist by some, but have been told that drummers are not real musicians (How do you know the drummer is knocking at the door? Pizza is being delivered). I sing, as well, which can be just a problematic. My point is that, with many things in life, there will always be some people who will try to diminish others in order to bolster their own egos. But let's not let that get us into presidential politics now...... :-)"

Yes! No politics Lol! Thanks :)

Upcoming Events

Once again, our Saturday social calendar filled out for this weekend.

Unexpectedly last night, Liz got a text from her new BFF inviting us again to an upscale Italian venue for dinner. It means we must have passed the stringent requirements after the first one. You may remember, it was the evening I wore my maxi dress for the first time.

Actually, I find the whole adventure relatively strangely entertianing  due to the other participants. You may also remember the organizer is the one who said all transgender women on HRT are bitches. If she only knew how much fun we had with that one!

Also, as August comes closer and closer, it is turning out to be a busy month for us. I have my vocal/speech appointment coming up August 6th and four more scheduled visits for other reasons during the month.

Week one is my second hair appointment and week four, we are headed back to Columbus, Ohio for another mini vacation.

Add in a couple more "tag a longs" with Liz and our Friday night karaoke party and August should be quite the month.

You Talking to Me?

Monday night, at the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I go to, one of the co-moderators climbed her high horse and said something I hadn't heard since a transvestite mixer I went to in the mid 1980's.

She puffed up like a rooster and said, "Why should I wear pants, I had to wear them my entire life." "I never wear them." Fortunately I didn't have to open my mouth because another "jeans wearer" was sitting almost next to her and let her have it.

Plus, if you didn't know it, nearly 80 percent of the time, I don't wear dresses. I call it my lesbian upbringing. But, I regress:

In no uncertain terms jeans woman reminded the moderator, these days (if she noticed) almost all women wear some sort of pants and/or leggings. And, then added the clincher, if the moderator wanted to blend better or even look better, she may want to consider adding some sort of pants/slacks to her wardrobe.

Similar to a summer thunderstorm, the disturbance came and went without further comment.

There is nothing wrong with always wearing dresses...or pants. Just be a woman and enjoy the fact you can. Then, do your best to stay out of someone else's business.

A New Friend?

Yesterday, I tagged along to one of my partner Liz's therapy sessions and was sitting there casually fooling with my phone, when a younger (twenty something) girl sat down close to me.

She was very friendly and almost immediately started a conversation the tried and true feminine way, she complemented me on my hair color. I told her thanks and it was in transition back to my original color.

She was wearing some sort of a blue/green lipstick and light green feather earrings...both of which I complemented her on.

After our brief enjoyable conversation, I asked if she was there to see the same therapist as Liz and she said yes. So when Liz came out I learned her name (Alex) and prompted introductions all around.

Hopefully, I will get to see her again and no, nothing was ever said about me being transgender.