Just a Touch

Finally! In Deborah Boland's Fabulous After 40 fashion blog, I glimpsed my first view of Fall fashion. For several reasons, fall is my favorite time of the year. First, the weather is cooling down and the leaves are turning beautiful colors. Second, I love the fashions with soft sweaters and boots returning to the fashion scene and three, fall always represented to me a certain finality of change. One of which could finally propel me into a dreamed of life of living as a woman. 

Plus, as I looked at this outfit, I remembered the boots I have which look just like these. Somehow, I had tucked them away and forgot I had them! So I have a brand new pair for this fall. And, of course I love the jeans and sweater! Can't wait for Fall!

Stuck to the Tube?

I guess the correct way to say it these days is "binge watching" a certain television or cable show on whatever media you choose.

All season long, I stayed fairly current with the TLC Network show, Lost in Transition. As with anything else in the transgender community, the show had to deal with many complex situations as it followed the lives of four couples dealing with the husband coming out as trans.

Connie followed up with us here in Cyrsti's Condo on her take on the show:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 19, 2018 at 12:55 PM

"I did a mini-binge watch of episodes 7, 8, and 9 a couple of days ago when it was 93 degrees outside and I didn't feel like moving around anyway. I cried a few times, but not for the couples who were breaking up over their respective transitions. Rather, I cried for the acceptance of family and friends for the others; happy tears!

I decided to watch the series based on your blog post, but I was still a little tentative about it. So much of these shows seem so decisive in their edited presentations, and I get so tired of the "reveals" and comparisons of the subjects' presentations between male and female. There was definitely some of that here, but I put up with it in order to see how the wives handled their husbands' transitions. After all, my wife and I just celebrated our 46th anniversary last month, and I'm still in awe of my wife for sticking with me through all of this - even if our relationship has changed significantly as a result of it. I can't say that my transition and relationship fit into any of the experiences these couples demonstrated, but my wife would probably relate to every concern these wives had. I say "would probably" because she has no interest in seeing this show.

The one thing that I liked was that the producers brought out the fact that a transgender person's transition is not hers/his alone, but requires transitioning by everyone else concerned. I have been very mindful of that reality throughout my own transition, and that may be the reason I'm still married. Still, as I have said since day one of our marriage (throughout the many years of my repression and beyond) that my wife deserves most all of the credit for its success. Musicians don't always make the best partners, anyway, but throw in the gender identity thing and........

I found it hard to understand how these trans women could be all-in on the hormones and surgeries before even taking the rudimentary step toward social transition. Whatever happened to the rule of living authentically for a year beforehand? I think it's a wise thing to do, even if it's not a requirement. If you are not able to accept your feminine-self, or can't cope with presenting yourself to the world without a professional makeover, then your chances of being happy with yourself are greatly reduced.

Of course, I think I've been successful with my transition because I've done it the right way! Then, I think again and realize that no two transitions are the same - nor are any two trans women. You won't see my wife and I on this show, if it is extended, however."

Thanks! Congratulations on your Anniversary. :)

Extensions

Looking back at the television show on TLC, "Lost in Transition,"  I think enough time has passed not to have to issue a "spoiler alert."

I think the producers did a fairly decent job of tying up many of the loose ends which occur when long term couples split up from transgender issues...or don't. Two couples on the show were very much on the relationship ropes and two weren't.

What was nice was all of the trans women managed make-overs somehow and appeared presentable. Especially the one from rural Washington State who was going to attempt to move her family to Wisconsin to look for a suitable job.

Of particular interest to me through out the entire series was the couple from California. Not only did the wife have many of the similar ideas of going into a transgender relationship that my deceased wife had, they even shared the same name. The back and forth between the couple continued full force until the end. I think once both of them saw the trans woman after a quality makeover, they knew they could never go back.

It was like another of the transgender women said, "I finally saw my true self in the mirror."

Then, there was the "go to hell" breakup with the couple from Ohio. Which could have been the most truthful of the four.

All in all, I think the producers of the show tried and succeeded in covering quite a bit of complicated ground in a short period of time.

Maybe the show will be "extended" into next season.

Acceptance?

I have a fairly new acquaintance who considers herself transgender.

In one sentence she is bemoaning her voice, or her looks. In the next, she is validating her femininity by the number of "straight" guys she dates. She seems to be a bit confused when I tell her the "straight" term is a bit murky.

I haven't old her yet my theory, dating men is fine but you haven't even began to make it in the world as a transgender woman, until you receive/earn acceptance from cis-women. In doing so, you begin to understand what it is really like to live. Women are much harder to gain real acceptance from than men in my world.

Why? Because men normally run from me and women interact. I have to be a more complex person to operate on their gender level. Men operate on very basic "power" levels, while women can outwardly really seem to accept you, until you do something wrong (like use the restroom) and the knife comes out.

Plus, as we all know, as transgender or even cross dressers, we have male admirers. Nothing wrong with any of that, but a problem lots of these guys have is coming to grasps with their own sexuality. It is their problem-not ours but we inherit it.

And, oh yes, I have told my acquaintance to be careful.

One never knows how easy to get the tables turned on you, until it happens to you. (As it has to me.) Unfortunately, it seems to be part of the feminization process. If anyone likes it, or not.

What to Wear?

When in doubt on what to write, which happens quite a bit when you write a daily blog, my mind normally turns to what I am going to wear.

As I think "back to the day", I remember Liz asking me what kind of woman I would become. Meaning, would I be more of a "girly-girl" needing makeup to even go out the door. Or, more of a "tom-boy"

Moving forward to today, I am a little of both. Even though I hesitate about not wearing makeup on my daily walk, I normally don't see anyone anyhow, so it is OK. Of course, anytime we are going out and will see the public, I always try to look my best...with makeup. Many times it doesn't matter on  these hot summer days, when makeup seems to disappear as fast as I put it on. Thank goodness for my smoother HRT induced skin!

Then, there are the clothes I wear. During the summer, I have several "softy" tank tops I wear around the house with an old pair of culottes. I have enough breast growth to tell but not enough to appear overly promiscuous. After all, we have a 20 year old man/boy running around here.

When I go out, I am still fond of my jeans and jeggings but seemingly am moving the bar upward with more feminine tops and my maxi dress. I also have have an embroidered long black skirt I plan on wearing to a picnic we are going to in early August along with the black and cream tank top I wore to Pride this year.

Over all, I guess I am starting to move the bar higher in the girly-girl department and out of the tom-boy scene.

It feels fun!

Monday, Monday

Not much interesting happening for me today. Tonight one of the cross dresser- transgender support groups I belong to is having a meeting discussing attempting to secure insurance as a transgender person. Since I am a trans vet and have all my health care through the Veteran's Administration, I have no need to go to the meeting.

Tomorrow could be be interesting because my other LGBTQ support group meets. One never knows what sort of interesting cast of characters could be attending.

I will let you know what happens.

I found this old picture I thought I would pass along. I didn't know ii even existed. It includes two of my oldest friends who accepted me...as me and helped me in my MTF gender transition more than I could ever say.

The woman on the right is the one we visited for the Fourth of July party.

Birthday Party

Last night was my youngest grandson's birthday party, which at his age (sixth grade) mattered to everyone else more than him.

We all met at an upscale Japanese Steak House for dinner, then went to the nearby in laws for after dinner relaxation and chats.

I wore the pre-mentioned maxi dress and was very comfortable all night long in my black flats. It's nice when I am not subjected to stupid stares. I wasn't.

More importantly though, I felt comfortable with the other attendees. As I have mentioned often here in Cyrsti's Condo, the side of the family who came last night is totally comfortable with a transgender member of the family.

I can't say enough, how much I appreciate them!

Female vs Woman

In all the posts recently when we have "skirted" the issue on compliments from all people including cross dressers, transgender women and even cis women.

Along the way, it occurred to me, I had forgotten one of the oldest concepts I used to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo. The fact being born female does not make you a woman. The same as being born male does not make you a man. Both are socialized positions, so to speak.

Class? All Low?

Unfortunately, as trans women and/or cross dressers, some of our most strenuous ridicule comes from females...not women.

I always figure they think they are superior to us because they were born with a vagina. Most likely though, they are a little jealous when we happen to outdo them in the looks department.

It is also one of the reasons we have to make our look appear effortless. Which any woman will tell you takes a lot of work.

I just figured it was important again to make sure we all know the difference between a female and a woman. There is a huge divide.

Party Animal?

All of a sudden, weekends are the place to be for Liz and I. In fact, this Saturday, we had to turn down one event with friends to go to a family birthday party. The family that accepts me totally. One part doesn't. Naturally, the friends do too. I am so fortunate.

As luck would (or wouldn't) have it, Saturday is supposed to return to heat in the mid nineties...the bad news. The good news is, the birthday party is going to be held at another upscale food venue, perfect again for my "maxi-dress." 

No one there will have seen me since I got my hair done, lost a bit of weight or have seen me in the dress in person. So I am looking forward to the get together.

Then on Sunday we have another Witches Ball Meeting to go to. It is not till October but it is now only one hundred days away. So there is planning to do.

I am not sure what I will do when all this social activity begins to subside. I guess, go back to being bored! Except Liz and I have already decided to take a couple days off in August to take another mini-vacation.