Transitioning Later in Life

Before we get started on this Cyrsti's Condo post, let me take a second to send my condolences to the victims, families and friends of those affected by the Las Vegas shooting attack by yet another white home grown terrorist. So sad...and tragic...

Oldest known picture!

Joanna sent in a comment on those of us who have/or are thinking of gender transitioning from Mtf later in life. I paraphrase, but she said maybe it is easier.

Before you attack me, I know completing a transgender transition is  never easy, and so many of us wish we had done it earlier in life.

Plus, with each successive year, testosterone ravages our male bodies even more. However, the binary genders tend to merge back towards each other as testosterone decreases naturally in the male. Facial features especially have a tendency to soften over time.

So I don't know. I suppose it's a transition game of opportunity. Or, who can make the best of a bad situation they are in. No matter where you fall in the age spectrum losing a family is a very real possibility. The older you are though, the more entrenched you become with family and very important needed material things like housing and work.

Finally, let's not forget the influence from the overall world around us. I know in my case, for a fact, kids these days pay me almost no attention. And of course, the internet has turned out to be the great equalizer as far as disseminating knowledge/information to the transgender, LGBT, community has gone.

No one (obviously) can really say if transitioning is better - or worse. It depends upon each individual and the situation they are in. So often in our trans tribe, we are so close yet so far apart!
 

We got Trans Female Mail

Thanks to the responses we received here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning recent posts about coming out full time as a transgender woman later in life! The first from Connie as she "passed" along a remembrance of going out driving while cross dressed as a girl late at night when she was quite young:

Early picture when I first started growing my hair out.

1. "I should have added that I'd given up the auto transmission to "drive a stick" at the age of seventeen. After so many years of shifting gears back and forth, though, I finally had to leave it in high gear. Whether I ever got myself into passing gear or not is another question. :-)"
2. And from Marcia:
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4. 
   Marcia HamiltonSeptember 30, 2017 at 3:12 PM

   "That's where I am-now or never. 14 months of HRT and on track to be full-time by coming out day next October. I have to get through my divorce and somehow figure out how to preserve my law practice in the meantime. :) Onward!"

Onward indeed! Good karma Marcia, we know it is difficult but all so worth it!

And last (but hopefully not least :), Paula:

Paula GoodwinSeptember 30, 2017 at 5:27 AM

"As with most of us I can't remember a time when my gender wasn't in question, I think I started my transition when I first realized that I was going to be a man and wouldn't just wake up one morning as a girl, or change simply by an act of will. I certainly remember around the age of eleven doing my paper round in a gym slip smuggled into my paper sack and then changing as soon as I found a safe spot.

Strangely looking back I am glad that I did not go full time till I was in my 50s as I have had so many wonderful experiences that simply were not available to women my age."

Well put as always Paula!

Thanks to all you ladies (and Connie).

Mtf Transitioning - With an Automatic Trans

From Connie in reply to yesterdays Cyrsti's Condo LGBT blog post:

"The internet has been of value for more than just the information. It was in a forum setting that we met online, and (at least on my end), the sharing of thoughts and ideas was of great help toward our individual transitions. You have continued this through this blog - and I can't help but to chime in, just as before. 

I started all of my scheming and worrying about the age of eleven. I knew that I could not be a girl, but I imagined that I could move away to a place nobody knew me when I turned eighteen, and simply live my life as a young woman. I so wanted to grow up to be a woman, and I even began sneaking my mom's car out in the middle of the night just to drive around as though I were.

I've told this story before, but my mom's reaction was actually priceless when she'd figured out that I'd driven the car one night. Because I was wearing her clothes and one of her wigs, and the fact that we looked an awful lot alike, she was only upset because she was afraid someone might have thought she were out at 3:00 AM! It was as if a thirteen-year-old driving was not a problem at all. I call that my "automatic transition with an automatic transmission." :-) It didn't end up as easy as that sounds, though. Like you, "full time" for me began after the age of 60."

Interestingly, several of us talked about the "whys and hows" of transgender transitioning after the age of 60 during my last transgender - crossdresser support group meeting. Most came to the conclusion it was a now or never lifetime opportunity for them. 

Thanks Connie!

The Steps Within a MtF Gender Transition

I get asked time and time again when did I "start" my transition. Ideally, it is not that an easy of an answer.

I didn't seriously consider going "full-time" until my 60's but had always been a serious cross dresser before that, going back into my twenties when I constantly spent time considering how or if I could ever transition. So, if you do the math, that is at least 45 years going on fifty.

That's why I tell people, actually, I was in a constant transition state whether I knew/accepted it or not. I do wish I could recoup just part of the time I spent scheming and/or worrying about where my life was headed.

Ironically, the same stubbornness which kept me guessing, helped me accept I was transgender along the way as more knowledge mainly via the internet became available.

Early Transition Picture

Thus "transgender transition" to me is not a static or concrete thing. Rather, it evolves over time with our lives.

It sounds like a "cop-out" but I tell peeps I have been transitioning forever.

Spaced Out!

Yesterday turned out to be one of those expected/unexpected late summer days as temperatures reached ninety (with equal humidity.) I had to go to one of my transgender support groups, this one at the Veterans Administration Hospital in Dayton, Ohio so I had to use my cars 260 air conditioning...two windows down at 60 MPH. So it was hot.

I dressed down for the occasion, wearing a relatively low cut sleeveless tank top and distressed jeans with my walking shoes for the normally long walk along the VA's parking lot to get a spot to park.

Once I did, all was good and the group gained another member. She actually is still serving and is very effeminate and mainly still in the closet due to the current administration's  harassment. Our on again off again SRS girl was back sporting a brand new wig and makeup and looked much better. I was happy for her until she couldn't keep her hands off me.

I enjoy my space and only let select individuals into it, if I can help it. So yesterday, I didn't grin and bear it.

On the bright side, I learned I can attend another larger transgender group which meets after ours once a month on the third Tuesday. All I have to do is stay up in Dayton another couple hours until the meeting and then come back, skipping all the nasty Cincinnati rush hour traffic. Plus, I have had several invitations to attend their meetings, which makes me feel good!

I also had to stop in downtown Dayton yesterday to pickup the last piece of legal paperwork finishing off my probate property work. It was like returning to my old stomping grounds as the office was near the cluster of Dayton gay bars I essentially started to go out in public too. The whole experience brought back good and bad memories. Including the one when I was nearly accosted by myself by two men leaving a club.

I learned my lesson the hard way about cis/trans women and space that early morning for sure.

Time to Get Active!

Before transition and weight loss.

I wrote the other day about weight loss as a way to better present yourself as a transgender woman. And, how I lost about 50 pounds before HRT set in and my male metabolism slowed down.

Now I have gained back about twenty pounds and it is time to do something about it. It is especially important now as thanks to the hormones, I am adding hip tissue for the first time. Naturally that means I want a more defined waist line to take advantage of the process.

Some of you have asked how do I take my estrogen. I take estrodial in patch form. I started with pills until my new endocrinologist said he thought patches would be easier on my system. Other transgender women I know have told me they had problems with the patches staying on, but that has never been a problem for me. I never have considered shots because injecting myself never seemed like having kicks and giggles.

Speaking of hormones, last Friday, I battled a bout of melancholy when I put on my new patches and was "weepy" into the next day. The symptoms fortunately didn't go into hot flashes, which I have had before. Mainly when I started the dosage of HRT I am on now.

Whatever the symptoms, I look at the process as being what a normal cis woman faces at some point in her life. So, if I want to play in the girls' sandbox...get over it!  

Such A Week!

Last week, we scorched Cyrsti's Condo with a discussion which basically revolved around passing privilege, or the lack there of.

Past all of that were the meetings I went to.  At which I tend to lose all sense of gender objectivity. What I mean is, none of the people who accept the real me, never knew the old me. At this point of my life, it's hard somehow to accept it still. Perhaps it always will be.

On another subject totally, I am warming (again) to doing another presentation in the Spring at the annual Trans Ohio Symposium. I am thinking of a subject such as "Lesson's Learned from Fifty Years in the Closet." My problem continues to be over thinking the project to the point of wondering, "Who gives a damn?" At any rate, I have plenty of time to over think it!

Also, as fall sets in, I am thinking of getting started (seriously) on my second book, which is partially written already. I am so scatter brained, it will be tough not to start on book three at the same time. We will see how much self control I have.

Fall to me has always represented the ultimate transition season. I always wondered as the trees changed and lost their leaves, when if ever I could ever admit I was transgender and begin the ultimate Mtf gender transition.

So, I have a lot to think about, which fits me fine!

24/7 and More!

I am sure,  little did Stana know over at Femulate, (or maybe she did) the ripple effect her blog post concerning transgender women being mocked for their appearance would have. Even on other blogs such as Cyrsti's Condo.

You may recall, I added my two cents  basically agreeing with both sides without pointing out key issues such as how often you seek to present and blend as a woman in the public's eye. To put it mildly, it is a daunting task when you shrink your closet from two genders to one. All of a sudden you may not have that hour to cross dress yourself and finances maybe more tight than ever. Makeup becomes more precious as the usage of it becomes more important.

Of course, in the transgender sorority, "passing privilege" becomes a factor too. As we all know, as humans, we all were dealt different hands in the appearance department. Precious few men can Mtf transition effortlessly, no matter how much weight they lose.

Another view was sent along by Sally Bend: "I like Stana, and I usually enjoy her blog, but that post really rubbed me the wrong way - so much so that I find myself reluctant to read her again.

To suggest that ridicule and violence are okay because someone isn't good enough at their makeup skills, or didn't put enough effort into their outfit is ridiculous. More than that, it is dangerous. It hands the close-minded bigots a trans-approved excuse to be as mean and as cruel as they like.

The how or when of your gender presentation/expression does not matter. Crossdresser, genderqueer, non-binary, transsexual, whatever, we all started somewhere, we all learn differently, and we all have different goals in mind. Some of us want to pass and be glamorous, some of us want to slip by unnoticed, and some of just want to be comfortable in our own skin.

And then, to close out her post by telling us not to whine about it when it happens? I am going to echo the sentiments of some of the comments and call that what it is - privileged bullshit.

A little compassion, understanding, sympathy, and support go a hell of a lot farther than mockery and blame. Nobody, especially someone who should be one of us, has the right to tell us we are "not good enough" to be ourselves."

Thanks Sally!

24/7?

This post is a continuation of the post I wrote yesterday concerning Stana's post on Femulate. 

After I finished the post, later in the day, I thought I should have added something about the differences of being part time presenting as a transgender woman, and doing it 24/7 (full time). Obviously, there are huge differences. For example, if we are going out on a special occasion, I try extra hard to look better with my dress, make up, etc.

I still have to go farther than the average cis woman anytime I go out, and for that I will be eternally envious!

For another take on going 24/7, lets hear from Connie:

"The comments over on Stana's blog are quite interesting. Not that they surprise me, but it shows differences in the attitudes between 24/7 trans women and those who express their femininity "part time." Also, that both are reading the same blogs!

Being a "24/7-er," myself, I know that I'm not always going to look my best. If something in life demands that I be there right away, I can't always spend the time to make myself gorgeous before leaving the house. I'm picky about my looks, too!

I laugh at the thought of me, cross dressing years ago in my basement, and dreading what I would do should the house catch on fire. Would I have sought safety only after changing my clothes and washing off the makeup? Now, it's just the opposite, I suppose. Well, except for the fact that I am much more confident in myself these days, so I wouldn't risk my life for the sake of makeup nor for the lack of it. :-)"

Thanks Connie!