It's Nine- Eleven

With all the natural disasters  plaguing our country right now, it is easy to forget many of the unnatural ones such as the "Nine-Eleven" terrorist attack. Here is to remembering the victims of such a brutal attack and their remaining families!

On a brighter side, I wanted to write some original content again and re-continue my archive posts at a later date. They are great to use when I really don't have any thing to write about or any comments to feature.

The older posts also have a tendency to demonstrate what I call "a transgender transition within another Mtf transition." My earlier blog posts have a tendency to feature how  I looked versus how I acted.

 Of course, as I transitioned into full time, much of that had to change. It is hard to explain, but as with any cis woman, you have to look at how you look all the time versus just a couple days a week and the choice of becoming the woman of your dreams. She just may not be your original or fantasy choice, but those ideas may not work for an everyday choice of fashion. At that point, you have to really concentrate on blending with the majority of the cis women around you.

With me though, and what the posts often don't point out, was the sheer joy of my new life as a woman. The clothes just became what they are to any woman-window dressing to the soul.

As I continue with the archive posts from the past, my hope is that the big picture of a transgender transition comes out.

From one LGBT trans girl's viewpoint!

Cyrsti's Condo Archive Post...Don't Answer too Fast!

Way back (about seven years ago) when I was slowly exploring my LGBT transgender roots, several cis women played key roles which they had no inkling of. Here was one:

"During another of one of my evenings out, I encountered yet another communication stumbling block.

I have been slowly building a new friendship with a  worker at one of my regular stops.
She knew, I'm sure- she was dealing with a transgender person. (Probably for the first time ever) I was taking it slow until one of my long time friends who also works there came up and joined in the conversation. She immediately added quite a bit more info about me.

All of that was fine but all of the sudden the conversation took on a whole new dynamic.  She started talk to me as a "trans woman" person for a second and then jumped into a real "girl on girl" discussion. I really had to not anticipate where the question was coming from.

Remember, I was still relatively new to the one on one female conversation as it pertains to real life.  Sure I've been on the outside looking in.  Plenty of the "I love your ear-rings or hair". Now it's more of the in depth talk about guys, family and shopping.

Instead of the usual  questions of why I do what I do. (Understandable) The discussion started that way and then went girl to girl. I was really surprised!

The best part of the whole evening was she knows I'm going out tonight with two of the other female bartenders to a competing pub in an upscale mall.  She is relatively new to the area and asked a few questions about where I go.

It would be great fun to spend some time with her!"

I will have to find the post about when I went out with the two women and pass it along to you.

LGBT "Biker Girl" Revisited

This post is the latest in the series of archive posts I am presenting and one which could have changed my life forever, had I acted on it. Again, at this point of my life I still considered myself a transitioning cross dresser, refusing to accept my true transgender self.

"I had been frequenting a couple of the casual chain bar/restaurants in the area for over ten years. On my first visit, I was so scared I took a seat next to a supporting post around the bar and tried to blend with it! Nothing in my closet that screamed Oak, so that didn't work.

I lived that night and found out the world wasn't trying to destroy me and continued to return. In fact, a couple of the bartenders that have waited on me since the beginning are still there!
I also became pretty good "buds" (no not the beer) with the crew of the companies' other unit. I ended up one night sitting next to one of the bartender's sister. I had heard stories about the exotic "stripper sis" and wasn't sorry!


She was exotic with some well placed tats. Her other job was as a hairdresser and she proceeded to tell me how much she loved tr--nies and gave me some tips on my appearance. She even went as far as inviting me to sister #3's bachelorette party. (another story)

Her husband was always with her. He was a big guy with a classic Triumph bike and the look to go with it. He ran a lumber yard. What a threesome!

The only problem was she loved to trade shots and the extra Jaeger and Tequila was hard to survive!
About three months later, she broke up with her husband. I guess exotic strippers have a hard time with monogamy? One night after the breakup, he came in with about three other friends that I knew..
Regardless of his decision making process with women, the poor guy was heartbroken. I tried to lend some support the best I could and away I went.

A week later, he was in the bar again and came over to sit next to me. Much to my (and the bartender's amazement) he was really interested in talking about things like his bike and music. He was leaning into me ever so slightly and added some light touches. He had to be at work early the next morning, gave me his cell number and left. He never asked for mine.

One of the bigger mistakes I've made is that I never called him. Only saw him once after that and he moved away.

At that point in my life my profile would have read "no men" After my brief encounter with him, I changed that profile. Ever so briefly I connected with a person who shared many of the same interests with me. Ever so quickly, I never tried to see the gentle bear of a guy again.
All of a sudden spending time with a guy wasn't such a bad thought.

I often wondered what that ride on the back of his Triumph would have been like!"

Cross Dressing Melodies?

In a recent post I mentioned being slurred by people playing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" on a jute box and/or by a DJ. As suspected, I am not the only one:

From Connie: "I think just about all of us have had to endure the "Dude Looks Like a Lady" on the jukebox, along with the snickering from the small-minded little boys who think they are so clever to have thought of such a funny thing to do. I occasionally go to a karaoke night at a nearby place, cuz I love to sing, but gigs with a live band are sometimes few and far between. I get requests from others to sing with them on the stage most every time I go, and I'm usually happy to help people who may need a little encouragement. One night, though, a guy tried to kind of gaslight me. I walked directly off the stage when I recognized the intro to "Lola". The worst part of it, to me, was not that he had set it up, but that he had set it up with the karaoke hostess ahead of time. I had thought her to be a friend, and, even though I believed her when she said later that the connection never occurred to her, I couldn't really understand how it didn't. 

Another of the hard lessons we learn in transitioning is that, although there will always be the insensitive jerks in this world, we can't always assume that our friends and allies are as sensitive to our situation as we are, ourselves. It's best to grow a thicker skin even before we might grow bigger breasts"

Thanks Connie! I had forgotten about the "Kinks, Lola" although it is a classic tune. However, I have never been slurred by arse holes playing it. Probably, because they are younger and don't remember it!

Even though "Dude" is not supposed to be about a cross dresser or transgender woman, people when it was released chose to make it derogatory slur against us.

Hopefully soon it too will fade with time.

The "Good old Days"???

This is another of the Cyrsti's Condo archive posts I am presenting. This one comes from the summer of 2010 and represents a little of the tough times I went through during my LGBT transgender transition:

"The "scene" was another sports bar I frequented a year or so ago. It was the only place that I have ever been discriminated against.

Most of the abuse started when a group of younger redneck guys read me.  I put up with the cheap shots and comments because I do not let people like that run my life.
However, when "Dude looks like a lady" was played on the juke box 3 times in a row, it was time to go.  The wimpy manager wouldn't intercede (I was a regular) but that was his call.
The final blow happened a week or so later on a Saturday night.

Everyone once in a while, I will draw the attention of a GG who is positively entranced with the image I portray.
It has more to do with what I do than how I look doing it.  Between her and three other very curious "20 somethings" that night, I attracted a very serious "posse".
I loved it! All was good until I had to make a trip to the Ladies' Room. (An urgent trip!)
There were some other occupants doing what girls do.

One older bitter looking woman hit me full blast with "How's it going Dude."
I'm normally pretty quick with a come back, but this was different.  I wasn't a rookie in the bathroom wars. I've had to stand in line to wait with the girls and shared tp and fashion tips.
On this occasion I just smiled sweetly and said "I need to get back with my friends" (I think she was jealous)

On my next visit the same manager said he was having "comments" about which bathroom I was using.  So I left...gave him my frequent user discount card and left for a year.
I simply returned to the two other places I went to in the area (one for 12 years).
I finally did return last night. Just to see if I could. I knew the manager was long gone but the regular bartender was still there.(we never had a problem).

I watched the end of the ball game. Listened to some good music (one of the reasons I went there) drank two and left.
Problems? No, and I think I saw my old nemesis.  She did not give me a second look.  (A year of practice!)

By the way...on the way out I did have to use the ladies' room."

Also, I was asked to never use the Ladies room there again once and never went back...until I was asked to at a later date by a couple bartenders I saw at another venue. It seems the manager that "banned" me was fired for theft and I was welcome again.

Bad transgender karma for him I guess!

Cyrsti's Condo Archive Post

This post goes way back to June of 2010 and demonstrates how early I was into my transition:

"Finally found some extra time for myself during the first summer holiday weekend.

The weather was hot and humid so it was definitely time to pull out the denim mini that assumed a back place in the closet. It screamed my name.

It is worth mentioning the skirt only comes about three or four inches above the knee and I wear jeans most of the time.  I rarely wear heels. (boots the exception!!!) Don't don't put me at Wall-Mart in a micro mini and 4"heels PLEASE!

So a close leg shave, a flimsy off the shoulder top, flips and off I went. I must point out, I am not a rookie. I have been out and about for years. But I had a case of the nerves yesterday.
Don't know why.  My dress for the day was appropriate for a hot day. Skin in the summer around here is appropriate. Work dictates I can't shave my arms but I can my legs for comfort and fun. So bare legs help me blend in the summer. (I love it)
But for some reason yesterday I was being paranoid about presenting.

My first regular stop was a place I've been frequenting for years.  It is a national casual bar/rest chain with several big screens where I can watch my sports. A very relaxing start to the evening.  The feel of the bare legs was tremendous. No adverse reaction from anyone. Good.

My second stop was another  regular stop for me.  Big place, big screens and big mirrors to check my reflection.  Always my favorite place. It's dark too! I always look better in that light! lol.
Last night however proved the earlier bout with nerves might have been a correct premonition.
The bar was fairly empty so a "muscle builder" type guy with big arm tats had a clear sight pattern of my skirt and legs. Over the space of an hour, he put it to good use.  I received a lot of visual attention.
I own what I wear, if I didn't want someone to look at my legs...I would have worn jeans.  So I don't know why the nerves. My "spidey" senses were up and I was ready for the approach but fortunately he belonged to the bartender and kissed her on the way out. Over reaction ruled again.

What did we learn? Calm down!  "Me thinks" I will wear the skirt again for a couple of the guys I do interact with!"

I would have labeled myself more of a cross dresser than transgender in those days.

Happy Labor Day...Almost

Almost, because I am sending all my belated best to my readers in Texas impacted by hurricane Harvey. Hopefully, recovery will be as speedy as possible for you and yours!

Secondly, this post will be going live the day after Labor Day here because Tuesday (tomorrow) I will be busy all day having breakfast with my daughter and a trip to my attorney.

Finally, Connie did all my labor for me when she commented on a recent Cyrsti's Condo post basically revolving around being transgender as a choice:

"Who we are and what we think ourselves to be don't always add up, even within the scope of gender dysphoria. Some cross dress their whole lives, never feeling the need to transition. Others, like us, used cross dressing as a way to cope. That WAS a CHOICE - as was our transitioning. For me, I first had to make the decision (choice) to come out as being something other than what I had been presenting myself to be. That's when I quit cross dressing, because, if I were to discard my dishonesty, I had to allow myself to never present as a man again. It did take a couple of years to achieve 100% on that, as there were some family members who I felt needed protection (OK, I did cross dress occasionally, as a man, for that). Another choice, it was.

It's been over two years since I have had to choose anything having to do with my gender identity. I know that I could never go back to living the lie I had been caught up in for so many decades, even though, physically, I could easily present as male in five minutes. That's just never going to happen, though. That's not a choice I even need to consider making anymore."

Thanks again Connie!

WOW! Thanks!

Just received this message and could not wait to pass it along to all of you loyal visitors!

"Hi Cyrsti,

My name is Anuj Agarwal. I'm Founder of Feedspot.

I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Cyrsti's Condo has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 50 Trans Woman Blogs on the web.

http://blog.feedspot.com/trans_woman_blogs/

I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 50 Trans Woman Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!

Also, you have the honor of displaying the badge on your blog.

Best,"

Thanks to you too, Anuj!!!!

Just Say No?

It still amazes me how many "civilians" think being transgender or LGBT at all is a personal choice.

When I look back at over a half a century fighting a part of me that refused to go away, I have always said I wish I had never been born with this gender dysphoria. Life would have been so much easier. Even though I struggled mightily to do it, I was always fairly successful at being a guy. I played sports, dated regularly. did my time in the Army and fathered a child.

None of it did me any good, I could never shake the feeling deep inside that something was really wrong.  In fact (as I have written many times) I am a survivor of one very active and many very passive suicide attempts.

Through it all, I also had the deep feeling I was destined to live on until I solved the problem.

When I did, it was like a huge weight was taken from my shoulders. No longer did I have to think of myself as a transvestite or cross dresser. I was a transgender woman and had been one forever.

Of course, once I arrived at that point, I had to convince the world too. Life became at once exciting and scary. No longer could I conveniently stash my feminine belongings away and re-enter the male world. I was going on HRT and there would be no turning back, even though I told myself I could.

All of a sudden, my life as a trans woman became more natural and I knew I had made the right decision.

Now I am blessed with a partner and friends who accept me for who I am. I just want to let the others know I never had a choice...I had to be this way.