Cyrsti's Condo "Memorial Day" Tribute

Every Memorial Day it seems this post never changes - except more have died from war and transgender military members are still fighting for rights they don't have.

To me, Memorial Day, means taking a moment to remember those who have given the ultimate sacrifice. I am sure most of you these days have a family member who served or are serving now-thank them for me!!!!!

If you are a transgender veteran or a currently serving trans military member-thanks to all of you for what you did - or have done.

Freedom isn't free.

I Love My Family

As expected, my visit with my grand kids went well. The trip to their house took about an half hour and gave me time to think how I could screw this up. 

The clearest answer I could come up with was to take them for granted. I very much knew my daughter would be setting me up for success. I have written a number of times here in Cyrsti's Condo about the diverse household my daughter and son in law encourage. Plus, I knew the kids had been waiting for this since February.

So, after the initial change of my appearance-we dove right into the differences between a gay person and a transgender person. As it turns out all the kids knew a friend with two "Daddies or two Mommies." 

From there I went into a "why me?" conversation. Of course the only answer I could give was I have no idea. I also added in I would not wish being trans on my worst enemy. I only cried once today as I said waking up in the morning not knowing if I wanted to be a boy or girl destroyed me for most of my life.

About that time I was losing the attention span of the eight year old, and he bailed. I went into the basics of HRT and that there were transgender men too.

Finally, before we ate, I explained to the ten year old boy and 13 year old girl the basic differences between gender and sex.

I have also said a number of times, I am not sure what I have done to deserve the incredible nurturing group of family and friends I have. But, as I told the group today-I can count on two hands the people I really care what they think of me, ( or not. )

I would hope my grand kids came away from today with the deeper message to believe in themselves. What goes around-comes around and I loved what came around today!  

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Cyrsti's Condo "Dad?"

Dad-Imagine meeting you with my girlfriends at a drag show?
Wait a minute-did you shave your legs?

"Fear and Loathing in Ohio?"

Several days ago Stana on the Femulate blog wrote a post essentially about part of her yearly trip to Hamvention here in Dayton, Ohio called "Fear and Loathing in Ohio." 

Immediately I thought Whoa!!! basically, she worried about Ohio being (and I paraphrase) less than liberal and somewhat worried about traveling through it. I will let you get your own take on it because after being slightly miffed immediately, I began to think-Stana is right.

Selfishly, I have had tons of fear and loathing here as I opened the cross dressing door and began my transition to woman. On a much larger scale though Ohio is a melting pot of ideas and sometimes they just don't melt. I can see how that would frighten some-after all- there is a reason we are always a presidential battle ground. 

Plus, "Fear and Loathing" for each and everyone of us is yet another highly personal situation. I can't begin to express the terror I felt the first night I journeyed into a TGIF Fridays. Could I - would I be able to for the first time in my life express my feminine self. As is turns out-the evening was successful and the first of many. And, in a Dr. Phil moment- I have many more examples of "fear and loathing" in my book "Stilettos on Thin Ice."

So, it has been suggested on occasion the hormones cause me to become a little more bitchy. So I have calmed down now and agree-there is "Fear and Loathing" in Ohio! But rest assured, there are more and more "freedom fighters" out here on the frontier getting organized to make life easier for all transgender women and transgender men. 

I certainly don't live in a cushy liberal neighborhood but acceptance is worth the battle!

Lost in "Trans" Trendy?

In the midst of all the circus transgender hoopla around all of Bruce Jenner's "coming out", other stories fall to the side so to speak. 

One of those has been on going on a venerable American "soap opera" "The Bold and the Beautiful." I am going to take the easy way out and pick up the TransGriot Blog post:

"Rick and Trans Maya"

"Yesterday Maya Avant told her boyfriend Rick Forrester on the CBS soap 'The Bold and the Beautiful that she is trans.

Rick didn't take the news well initially, but when Maya was about to walk out of the door of that Big Bear cabin and out of his life forever with her heart breaking in the process, Rick once again declared his love for her."

Monica from TransGriot then takes a fascinating look into yet another key issue in the transgender community-the romantic attraction of cis-men to trans women.  Over the years, we have done multiple posts about it here in Cyrsti's Condo. If you don't know- Monica is never shy about her thoughts and words especially when trans women of color are involved!

Here is how she finished the post:

"We need to have an ongoing conversation about our relationships in which the baseline for having it is that our femininity as trans women is not erased and the cis men who prefer us as their partners are not demonized for doing so. 

The cis men who love us are going to have to step up and meet us trans women halfway.  They are going to have to come out of the shadows and say in no uncertain terms they love us, we are the women they want to marry, and to kiss their behinds if you don't like it.   

If a soap opera story line can lead to an enlightened conversation about a real world issue, then by all means lets get that conversation started."

Here is your link for more!

Breaking Bread with the Brats?

Finally!!!! The much awaited "coming out" meeting with my grand kids is coming up Friday. To refresh your memory, we tried to do it last winter a couple times but were shut out by bad weather. The kids are a 13 year old girl, and two boys-10 and 8. My daughter has predetermined the youngest wouldn't care unless I was transitioning into a cat. The daughter-we may never know.  The ten year old is incredibly diverse and is the one who had the out gay fourth grade teacher. 

By now, any potential intimidation I used to feel about talking to them have pretty much gone away. It's been replaced by what the ten year old is making for lunch! He is still on "house arrest" for getting kicked out of school for fighting.

Seriously, the main issue to the lunch will be what to call me and I have the answer (pre approved by daughter) my so called "final" gender marker name change will be Jessie Jeanne (Jean). Jessie was my paternal grandfather and Jeanne was my Mother. The kids can call me J.J. My only problem is I have been able over the years to build a life as Cyrsti. None of that will matter on Friday.

We have discussed this before on Cyrsti's Condo. Sure I'm biased about these three but they are sharp so it's important to me to not talk over their heads and just as important not to talk under them. Plus, all of the sudden it's trendy? to have a transgender relative.

All in all, it should be an interesting day and we will see how the kid does with lunch! 

Taking the Transition Out of Transgender?

Shelle Iles

To

Ms. Cyrsti Hart

Today at 4:16 PM

I thought I would pass this along to you in hopes you could give it your thoughts in your blog.

Lately, I have stopped using the t-word with respect to people who are transgender. The t-word I have stopped using is not the pejorative that might come to mind. It is the word transition. For much of my eight years of teaching about what it means to be transgender, I was inadvertently teaching something I have come to understand creates a different understanding than the one I was trying to create. I talked about my transition. It made sense to me at the time. Today, I have come to know that I did not transition. I certainly did not go from being male to being female. I simply began to uncover the female who had been there all the time.

First-Shelle lles, (above)  thanks for your thoughts and I am going to break down certain excerpts to comment on and show to everyone here in Cyrsti's Condo. 

Dropping the "transition" term does make all the sense in the world and actually easier to explain once you get someone's attention. Gender is simply what the world sees and the world never saw the true me-until now. No transition to it and possibly another great subject to bring up in June to Simmons College.  Back to Shelle lles:

"Transition involves going from one thing, to something different. Psychologically, in spite of the intended meaning, this is processed as going from male to female. The word says one thing, but the mind hears something totally different. The idea that I have gone from male to female is psychologically reinforced, and no one actually realizes what just happened.

My "transition" was a transition of presentation. It was not a transition of identity. Yes, I did have medical intervention, but that is not necessarily part of the transgender experience. Taking hormones and having surgery did not make me more of a woman. They did not transition me."

I TOTALLY agree with Shelle lles last paragraph (and have for a long time!)

Last but not least:

"Transition? No, I didn't do that. I simply stepped off a stage, leaving behind a costume that never fit, and revealed my authentic self to the world. I revealed my previously hidden truth. That's a better word. Truth. Now, there's a t-word I can get behind."

Shelle

As I wrote earlier, there is more substance to the comment she sent me which we will get to later!!!! Also, to visit her blog-go here!

Cyrsti's Condo "White Satin"

All right Jim! You look great but what is your sister going to say about you wearing her wig and dress and your Dad missing his liquor? And-Oh by the way-I just heard the garage door open!