If You Care

I thought I would pass this along since I really don't have anything else to post about today. Caitlyn Jenner with her rumored partner trans woman Sophia Hutchins:

Ex Wives

One of the very few times of the year when I have to deal with people who knew the old me, is when my daughter has get togethers for the family.

Over the years, I have two ex wives (one is deceased) one ex fiance, long gone since before I joined the Army and a partner (Liz) who I have been around for over eight years now. One thing I need to say is all of the women I mentioned knew in some way of my gender struggles. However, only one...Liz has been able to nurture my transgender nature.

My surviving wife remains a solid acquaintance and she is the mother of my only daughter. So, I normally see her a couple times a year during one of my daughter's meet ups.

I did see her a couple days ago on Thanksgiving. As we were getting ready to leave, she turned to me and said how good I looked. I was stunned and (even I) was temporarily without words. Finally I recovered and deflected the compliment to my VA health care for some unknown reason.

I can only imagine what she really thought since she has been around me since the mid 1970's and quite a few years of my earliest cross dressing adventures. After all, she witnessed more than her share of my earliest mistakes as a feminine person.

Hopefully, one of these days I can figure out how to properly thank her for the compliment.

Loose Ends

Today I have several loose ends to take care of here in Cyrsti's Condo.

First of all, Mandy (who is a fellow train buff) asked about the picture I posted of Liz and I on the Royal Gorge train in Colorado. It by far was my favorite of the trips we took. The road bed was better and the rail coach was more comfortable. Also, more importantly, the view of the river which ran next to us was gorgeous.

My next favorite was the  Durango and Silverton narrow gauge trip, also in Colorado. I enjoyed the fact the trip was pulled by a real steam engine. Also I enjoyed both Durango and Silverton. Silverton was especially authentic to me.

Finally, we also rode the Georgetown Loop narrow gauge railway. It was fine but still my third favorite to me. So there you go Mandy, my humble opinion on the rails we road.

As you can see in the picture, it was definitely windy on several of the trips, so bring a brush for your hair (or wig).

Speaking of pictures, Connie sent in a festive new holiday picture to share!

Looking good!

Merry Thanksgiving

Hello again! I hope you still have a family of sorts you can enjoy Thanksgiving with. I am acutely aware of those who don't. In fact I sacrificed seeing my only brother and his extended family again after I came out as transgender to him.

I seemingly have an embarrassment of riches now. Starting with my partner Liz, my daughter, my grand kids and an ever widening group of accepting friends.

In the midst of all of this though, I still wonder why I still have a difficult time on occasion accepting what I have.

Last night was a good example. Approximately two thirty in the morning, I found myself wide awake and thinking about Thanksgiving. In addition, I have a tendency to sleep with the Hallmark cable television channel on. Somehow, I am ashamed to say a few of the movies have driven me to tears. It happened last night.

As I internally churned, I finally came to the conclusion I should do more embracing of who I am. Being weepy on occasion is just fine. Especially after the life I led before when I never cried.

Finally, I ended up going full circle back to Thanksgiving and who I have become.

Before I go though, I need to thank to Mickie, Trish and Zena who commented on the blog through Facebook! Zena brought back a few ancient memories of me showing up to a dinner at her house in heels, hose and a short skirt. Needless to say, it was many years ago! Better yet, I still was allowed to eat :).

Again, I can't say enough how much how much I appreciate all of you!

Going Out to be Alone?

Every once in while, or especially after the transgender - cross dresser support group meetings I go to, I like to reflect back to the early days when I was exploring the feminine world. Overall I was trying to figure out when and if I could live full time as a transgender woman.

Back in those days, for the most part I was having fun. These days I receive satisfaction from the rare days when I think I look my best. I know years ago when I went out, I liked to think I was going out to be alone.

Let me explain. First of all, I was still grieving the passing of my wife and close friends. I was intensely lonely but was aware any or all of my forthcoming friendships would have to revolve around me as a different gender. Not an easy thing to do.

Liz and I's vacation picture from the "Royal Gorge" train in Colorado.

So I cross dressed all up and went to several of the sports bars I used to go to before as a guy. For the most part I was successful. For awhile I was able to spend an evening in my own little world, thinking no one would notice my secret. It worked when I let nobody in.

As it turned out though, that didn't work very long. I found several people who were attracted to me as a friend regardless of my secret. Essentially, they found a way into my solitary world. Ironically, the people most interested in me were all women and I quickly bonded with them. I did have a couple dates with guys which never seemed to work.

Then I even went on several on line dating sites and found the person (Liz) I was destined to move in with and start a relationship which now is going strong at eight years.

Even at that point, I was still clutching at what remained of my guy self. He just didn't want to let go. It took my partner Liz to kick me totally out of the closet.

So now, I don't have to worry about going out to be alone anymore. I am so fortunate.