It's LGBTQ Pride Month

Caitlyn Jenner...NOT the face of Pride

Once a year we pause to join the world with our Pride month. This year is ever more important that the transgender (or "T") of the LGBTQ alphabet is visible.

Why do we have to be more visible? Because of all the recent anti legislative bills which typically involve the perceived weakest link of all the LGBTQ facets in the public eye. The fact remains, most of the public does not know a trans person. Plus the trans umbrella still seems to be plagued by negative supposed role models like Caitlyn Jenner. Because of all of that and more it essential as much as possible we stand up for ourselves in a positive manner.

Now let's get down to Pride Celebrations themselves. In todays' ultra restrictive societies some react to the hypocrisy of certain big companies/corporations which sponsor Prides then do nothing the rest of the year to further the rights of individual transgender women or men. This year, the entire matter just seems to be overshadowed  by situations such as the beer "Bud Light" went through. 

Personally, the problem I had with major Pride celebrations was the influence of drag queens. It always seemed to me the transgender community was overshadowed by overly made up men in dresses. Again, this year is different because even the right to dress in drag has come under attack in some states. Of course I support the right of drag queens to do their thing and that means continuing their representation at Pride events. Just don't confuse it with me.

In fact, in the past, when I have attended larger Pride celebrations in Ohio, I felt I needed to separate myself from the drag queens. One year after we first met, my wife Liz even made me a shirt to wear which said "Transgender Veteran, I fought for your right to deny me mine,"   I wanted to show the world I was not a drag queen. 

Regardless of all of that, the biggest issue with LGBTQ Prides this year is everyone's personal safety. Even with the possible threat of violence hanging over everyone's head this year, more and more smaller communities around me at least are starting or continuing their own Pride celebrations. It is good to see. Since transgender people have been around since the beginning of time, we most certainly aren't going anywhere now.   

Hopefully attending the Cincinnati celebration Liz and I have attended in the past will be a possibility this year also. (It's coming up later in the month,) Since I have mobility problems and Liz has an upcoming medical procedure, we will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, enjoy your LGBTQ Pride Month. 

Transgender Losses

Photo from
the Jessie 
Hart Collection

 One of the main transphobic arguments I read is we transgender persons have a choice to live as we do.

No one ever mentions all the things we have to give up to exist as our authentic selves. Just a few of the things we often have to give up is contact with immediate family, employment and friends. The older we start our transitions, often the it is the more we have accumulated in life and have to give up. Being placed between the gender rock and the hard place leads to terrible problems. Problems no one would accept if they didn't need to, just to live. In no way was it ever a choice. 

If you have gone through a transgender transition, I am sure you have losses you have undergone. I am an example in that specifically I have lost all contact with my only brother and his family when I came out to him. I would have lost more than my brother if I had it to lose. By the time I completed my MtF gender transition in my early sixties, I had sadly lost (to death) my second wife of twenty five years, nearly all of my close male friends (which I had very few of) and employment, since I was nearly old enough to retire on Social Security. As you can tell I did not have that much to lose once I made the choice to transition. Seemingly destiny had intervened and doors were being opened wide for me to go through. So wide, it was even about same time the Veterans' Administration health care system approved administering hormone replacement therapy for transgender veterans which I was one of. 

All in all, I feel I experienced an easier time during my later in life transition than most others. During the decades before I considered myself transgender, I described myself as a "serious" cross dresser. Being a serious cross dresser enabled me to come closer to learning the fine art of feminine dressing and makeup. I even survived the cross dressing teen years when I tried to dress too sexy which turned out to be too trashy. Having all of that behind me really helped my survival rate when I needed it the most as I was seriously out in the public's eye as a transgender woman. 

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention the loss of all the male privileges I went through. All of a sudden I seemingly lost part of my intelligence. Even to the point of not being listened to when my car stalled out one day and I needed to call a tow truck. When I did, the driver, along with a sheriff who had stopped to help me huddled (without me) to map out the easiest route back to my house. Like I didn't know? I learned the hard way perhaps the biggest privilege I lost when I began to live fulltime as a transgender woman was my own personal safety. I was lucky in a couple circumstances when I exposed myself to danger by placing myself in situations which could have led to problems. I had to learn the hard way what every other woman knows about not going into dark places with no potential escape routes. 

Even though my transgender losses may have been less than others, I still lost enough to know transitioning was more than a choice for me. I had to do it or take my own life. 

Was the Big Easy, Easy?

Image from Jade Photography 
on UnSplash

Several years ago, my wife Liz and I made the journey on a tour bus from Cincinnati to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. New Orleans is also known as the "Big Easy". 

As it turned out, the trip turned out to be anything but easy. It was a very challenging learning experience. Previously, Liz and I had gone on other bus tours with the same company which were shorter and turned out to be pleasant. The only main challenge which occurred was not being allowed to use the in bus restroom except in times of dire emergency.  Very quickly I learned the "pleasures" of standing in line with a group of other women waiting to use the bathroom. Often at a cramped state supplied roadside rest. After the first couple of times with the same women, I seemingly was accepted and allowed to do my very basic business without incident. I was relieved in more ways than the obvious.

The trip to New Orleans proved to be much longer with many more "rest stops". Again I didn't have many problems until the bus made it to the deep south and we stopped on the Mississippi/Alabama state line. As we joined the line waiting to go in, my nervousness increased. My feelings proved to be unfounded until I had to come face to face with two women after I paused to wash my hands. They took one look and me and glared and I thought here it goes. In response I smiled, dried my hands and vacated the rest room as quickly as I could. I was so scared I kept thinking a small town deep south redneck cop would be pulling the bus over looking for me. Fortunately, nothing happened and the bus then took us to the outskirts of New Orleans itself before it needed to stop for fuel. During the refueling stop again I needed to take care of business and hurriedly did it. Liz, however was behind me and took longer to get a stall, so I needed to wait alone for her. While I was waiting, I tried to waste time by looking at the truck stop tourist items like I was really going to purchase an alligator skull. My paranoia told me to keep moving as I waited for Liz and the Bus to get ready to go again. By having some sort of a purpose, I hoped to ward off any sort of unwanted advances by anyone. Which never came.

Once we arrived in the "Big Easy" the bus stopped at the big seafood restaurant with wonderful food. As I finished my meal, I excused myself and went to the restroom. While I was in there, another woman from the bus saw me and said something to the fact that I used "their" bathroom too. Since she was elderly and not overly negative, I chalked up the entire experience to education...for her. From the restaurant it was on to our fantastic hotel and the blur of an actual Mardi Gras experience,  I say blur because it is how I remember it. As a casual visitor I think being at Mardi Gras was a wonderful one time happening but a less crowded trip to New Orleans would be more enjoyable as I have been there twice now. Once as my male self.

Our trip to the actual event involved quite a bit of walking and pushing our ways through huge crowds, Plus the rest room theme raised it's potentially ugly head again as any restroom was difficult to find. We had to stop and eat off the main route to basically find a restroom to use. Before we knew it, the entire Mardi Gras experience was taken off the bucket list and we started our journey home. By this time my confidence was good and I had no more experiences to remember.