A Tangled Web of Deception

 Recently I have mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo several times about how most of us were forced into extreme measures to protect and hide our gender dysphoria, way before we had any idea what the term even meant. Along the way I mentioned to all of you the lengths I went to hide my feminine cross dressing "stash". I wasn't blessed to have supportive parents, so I had to become very creative. 

Speaking of non supporting parents, read on and learn of Connie's problems:

"Fake" Mirror Image 2010

"My hiding place for my "stash" was inside the box springs of my mother's bed. I had discovered a tear in the bottom cover, and thought it would be the safest place because she would never think to look there. One night, though, while she was watching TV in the family room, I had the urge to retrieve my feminine accouterments to play with later in the night. I was totally surprised when she came into her bedroom and onto her bed. It felt like hours to me, as I hid very quietly under her bed, waiting for a chance to make my escape. Finally, I heard her snore and snuck out of her room. I changed my hiding place right after that, behind a panel I made removable in a basement wall. She eventually discovered that place, though, and I've told you the nightmarish story of how she'd laid all my stuff on the kitchen table, for me to see when I came home from school - and then made me load it into the car to take directly to the county dump. :-("

Wow! Connie's experience makes me happy my "stash" was never really discovered, to my knowledge. My Dad was very shy in discussing anything which became even remotely sexual in nature, so I often wondered if he discovered my "collection" of hose, women's undies and makeup in the garage. He may have thought it was a phase. 

Over the years though, like so many of us, I went through destructive purges when I decided to rid myself of all of my feminine items and thus live my life in the lie I desperately was trying to live. The process always seemed to work for a day or two before I was thinking about going back to my cross dressing ways. 

I wish I could reclaim a portion of the money I wasted on my purging efforts over the years and more importantly, the wasted time and energy I spent on the deception I tried to use to lead my life. 

Nice Summer Dress

 On Saturday Night Live last week, as I was nearly dozing off during the latter parts of the show, I was surprised to see a figure obviously in a full  dress on stage before the show cut away to a commercial break.

I was surprised to see the show's musical guest "Kid Cudi" in the dress and ready to perform as the break was over.  Reaction was swift, This is from the "Guardian" :

"The dress marked the anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death, with Cudi saying that it was a tribute to the Nirvana frontman who had worn a similar dress on the cover of the Face magazine in 1993. While social media users praised the way Kid Cudi channeled Cobain’s gender non-conforming approach to fashion, they also pointed out a double standard.

On Instagram, model and activist Munroe Bergdorf wrote: “as fab as it is to see cis gender straight men embracing femininity through fashion … let’s remember that they also won’t face nearly as much hatred or the physical danger that visibly queer folk will when they do the exact same thing.”

In the comments, one user wrote "it feels insulting that cis hetro men get praised for what trans people get bullied and killed for. For them it’s a trend, a costume … for trans people it’s life and death.” Some 13 transgender people have been murdered in 2021 so far according to the Human Rights Campaign, which is a 333% increase from 2020 when three transgender people were killed."

Indeed the double standard runs deep. 

Back to College

 Recently I visited  regional universities twice  (virtually) to take part in LGBTQ discussions. The most recent was as a guest of a sociology professor at her masters degree class at Miami University of Ohio.  There were four of us there including another transgender elderly woman veteran and two cis gay men. 

Miami of Ohio

Along the way, the class provided us with a lively discussion. I had two questions directed specifically at me. The first of which asked what was "Crossport" which is the transgender - cross dresser support group I am involved with here in Cincinnati, Ohio. The only problem was, with a slip of the tongue, I undirectedly talked down to the cross dressing portion of our membership. With me, I have many "slips" so they are relatively common. Yesterday, I simply said the group dealt with transgender women and men all the way down to cross dressers. In no way shape or form did I mean it negatively but I am afraid it did. After all, I considered myself a cross dresser for over fifty years. 

At any rate, I apologized and went on to my second question from a student asking what to do if they encounter a negative situation  from a negative person in an assisted living situation. I of course replied it is one of my biggest paranoia's concerning my future. My only answer was just to be the best ally you can be and provide as much support as possible, 

Finally, I learned another fact I didn't know from the other trans woman who was in our group. As one of the students who had worked in a hospice last summer told her experience of a transgender woman losing her fight to have her authentic gender on her Ohio death certificate. It seems, here in the backwards Repuglican stranglehold of Ohio, whatever gender is on your birth certificate automatically is placed on your death certificate. Even though the courts have declared Ohio's refusal to change gender birth certificates to be illegal. Ohio so far has refused to abide by the ruling. Leading to yet another court case. 

So, as you can see, I was part of an interesting, fast paced class and the hour went quickly.

Since my Mom was a Miami graduate there was more than a little gender poetic justice!