A Blast from the Past

 Recently I was surprised to see a post on Facebook from one of my old transgender friends from the earliest days of us exploring the feminine world for the first time. Over the years we have moved far away from each other and she has undergone several surgeries to enhance her appearance as a transgender woman. Her name is Racquel (pictured below).

Interestingly her post concerned several early visits to "straight" venues when we went through unique musical harassments:

" I’m eating a burger at Buffalo Wild Wings. And they just played Dude Looks Like a Lady by Aerosmith. And that’s fine. Because if I complained about it the staff would apologize profusely.

Six years ago the world was very different. I would hang out with Cyrsti and people would play Dude Looks Like a Lady on the jukebox just to intimidate us, and there was certainly nobody who cared if we complained."

All of Racquel's memories are unfortunately so true and even she didn't get to witness the night when a group of drunk rednecks kept on playing the mentioned hated song. It got so bad, instead of doing anything about it, the manager just told me to leave. Even though weeks later I was approached in a neighboring venue by a bartender in the banned place and asked to return. It seemed the person who kicked me out got fired for drug abuse. Revenge was mine but the hurt remains, even to this day.

I do agree with Racquel though the world has changed from the "mean" old days but we still have such a long way to go.

I "Stuck to It"

 Well, yesterday was my appointment at the Cincinnati Veterans Hospital to receive my first Covid-19 vaccine. As always, as first experiences go, it was an interesting time.

First of  all, the weather was cold (25 degree's F. )  so I had to plan ahead to make sure I was warmer outside until I arrived at where  I needed to provide a bare arm for the vaccine injection. What I finally decided on was to wear a loose fitting long sleeved sweater over a T-shirt so I could strip off the sweater for the vaccine. 

For the most part, the plan worked relatively well and I only dropped all my paperwork once. So I was able to slip out of my coat and sweater without too much of a problem. 

Overall, I respected the organization of the whole operation. At the door of the main entrance directing traffic was a person I thought was a transgender man, although it was tough to tell since they were wearing a mask. Then came the walk around the hallways until I finally arrived where the vaccines were actually being given. As I was being directed forward, I actually was only mis-gendered by two people out of approximately fifteen. Which I figured wasn't too bad considering how much work I didn't  put into what I was wearing. My sweater coat is not form fitting at all and I just wore jeans and boots. Plus, since I was wearing two masks, the only makeup I wore was on my eyes. 

Knock on wood, the best part so far is the only reaction to the vaccine so far is a slight itching in the arm.  

Plus, the best part is, my second vaccine is already scheduled for thirty days out in March. I was fortunate too it was just cold today as we are expecting close to or over a foot of snow over the the next several days. 

The Last Gasp

 As you make the Mtf Gender Transition, there are certain milestones you must pass as your male self slips away. As it turns out, your male self often fights harder to give up his privilege than others.  I ry remember vividly a few of those moments as I transitioned. 

As often happens, my memory was jogged by reading someone else's  post on the topic. This time it was another by Emma Holiday who I read on the "Medium" format which has been difficult to link to because it is a paid format. Regardless, Emma's post was called "A Blind Date with my Trans Identity." In it she details her first trip to a feminine make over artist and her feelings after the experience.

It turns out I had a similar experience years ago which started my slide towards living full time as my authentic transgender self. 

As I said, this happened years ago when I went to a transvestite "mixer" in nearby Columbus, Ohio.  The evening included a chance at having a professional makeover, if you were brave enough to do it. Finally, after agonizing I decided to hitch up my big girl panties and go for it. Of course the first problem was having to remove my wig and existing makeup. To make a long story short, the makeup up artist was a guy and he did a fabulous job! It was the first time I had seen the real girl me staring back at me from a mirror. Deep down, somehow I knew I could never go home again to being my routine guy self again. Then it was reinforced by a guy approaching me in a venue some of us went to later in the evening.

I had experienced the first of many blind dates with my transgender self.

However, my male self would never go easily and fought totally against my feminine self. Even to the point of him wanting to show himself to a couple cis women I knew who totally were accepting me as a transgender woman. 

Finally it took my relationship with my partner Liz to completely accept my natural self. 

The last gasp took years to get to. Thanks Emma for the memories. 

Emma Holiday