She Said What?

 Last night, being the glutton for punishment I am, I became involved in a rather lengthy discourse with a person on Facebook Messenger. 

Her profile stated she was a lesbian and her picture showed her to be a very butch one at that. 

Very quickly she asked if I was sitting down and told me she was considering a "sex change". About that time I wondered if she had read my profile at all. She asked if I was a lesbian and I said yes, a transgender lesbian who has been living with my lesbian partner for nine years now. 

Then we exchanged pictures and went into the fact she had a doctor's appointment in Denver in a couple days to determine if she could start testosterone patches. Having a mustache was her goal. I replied I have a very close transgender man friend who has attractive facial hair so she should too. 

Surprisingly, the whole conversation went easily until it was time to call it a night and go to sleep. I told her goodnight and turned my phone off. 

The real surprise came this morning came when I turned it back on and read her last message...good night "Buddy". Buddy? Really?

If I ever hear from her again, I will mention how many years it has been since anyone has ever called me Buddy. 

If and when she apologizes I might actually ask her what pronouns she prefers I use. 

I should also learn never to set my expectations too high. At the least though, I received input for another blog post. 

Separation Anxiety

 It's never easy making the journey from one gender to another. I am biased but I think it is one of the most difficult things a human can do. 

Each of us has their own path they followed and fortunately I can share two ideas from Cyrsti's Condo readers who successfully Mtf gender transitioned.

The first comes from Paula: "I believe we go through a concentrated growing up process, those of us who transition later in life miss out on a female adolescence, we don't have benefit of either contemporaries or older women teaching us how to be women. we could observe from outside, we could watch but were never part of the sisterhood. In consequence we had a steep learning curve, I know I personally made many a teenage mistake, inappropriate hemlines, poor makeup, inappropriate personal interactions, all girls do the difference is I had to make these learning mistakes in my 50s! It can be a little embarrassing looking back on my early blog posts, the emphasis on clothes and makeup, all the photos but it is part of my process, part of my growing up, part of my history."

The second comes from Connie: "I've long held the theory that many trans women express their femininity, at least early on in their trans lives, based on what the male side of themselves find attractive. I'm not referring to autogynephilia, as this attraction is not necessarily sexual in nature. It may have something to do with separating one's female self from the male self, as well. That is, just as a trans woman may overcompensate to affect a more masculine facade while living in male-mode, she may overcompensate in her (idea of) femininity when in female-mode. That's may seem like bouncing from one caricature to the other, and, for me, was just not sustainable."

I too went through the separation phase of trying to please my former male self when it came to appearance. When I finally learned I should be dressing to blend and please other women, I finally was able to negotiate a feminine world much easier. 

Thanks to you both for your comments.

 

Liz and I

 This picture was taken two years ago at the "Motr Pub" in downtown Cincinnati in the "Over the Rhine"
restoration district.