From Both Sides Now

 Before the get started, let me send along my thanks to all of you on several different blogging platforms who sent along birthday wishes. All were very much appreciated!

Now, perhaps you all remember the recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning Jayde and her very understanding spouse. During my long life, I have had the opportunity to be on both sides of the spousal fence. 

Some of you may remember I met my first wife (and the mother of my only child) in the Army. She found out about my cross dressing desires after a Halloween party. Over an approximate five year relationship it became increasingly evident she didn't really care about my gender leanings. I often thought if I told her I was leaving for a couple weeks to change my sex, she would have said oh well. 

All of this led me to the relationship I started with the cis woman who was to be my wife for twenty five years. Looking back at it, the beginnings of our life together represented the last gasp at my attempts to put my feminine self behind me. Even though I told her I was a cross dresser to start with, I had to aggressively pursue her to embark on a relationship. Essentially I was to win the battle, only to lose the war within myself and with her. 

As the years went by, she never really fought my cross dressing urges but was totally against any suggestion I was transgender. Unfortunately, the longer I fought my transgender urges, the worse our battles became. I am not proud of the times I snuck out when she was at work, only to have her come home and discover my transgression. Essentially to me, I was violating our marriage vows. Plus, she always seemed to hold the upper hand when she told me things like "Be man enough to be a woman."

Ironically, after years of fighting, making up and trying my best to live male, she suddenly passed away from a severe heart attack at the age of fifty. I loved her dearly and it was quite the shock but eventually freed me up to see if I could live full time as a transgender woman. Still I needed help to push through my doubts.

At that point, approximately nine years ago, Liz entered my life. In a complete turnaround, she told me I was a woman and I should go ahead with hormone replacement therapy to feel better. We are still together and I am living happily full time in a feminine world. Finally, the huge weight of being bi-gendered has been lifted from my shoulders. 

I have seen the relationship world from both sides.

Life is but a Circle

 On my 71st birthday, it's time to take a second (or two) to reflect on what has turned out to be a very interesting life. Along with the curse of early struggles with my gender identity, came the discovery of the euphoria from my weak attempts to cross dress and conquer the gender divide. 

Later in life came the times when I was suicidal as I was trying to lead a "bi-gendered" existence. 

Finally, my life came full circle, I accepted being transgender and lived through a very bleak period of my life when I nearly lost everything. I eventually found by doing that, I could start to build my new life as a transgender woman-full time.

I should probably point  out I am a very impatient person and the time it took me to transition was difficult even though it was aided by HRT or hormone replacement therapy. Even then I learned the hard way taking meds in the end result didn't make me any more or less a woman. The desire was completely between my ears.

One way or another life teaches you lessons if you have the ability and/or the where with all to take advantage. Or if you are fortunate to live that long. 

I would be remiss too if I didn't mention the people in my life who loved me and I loved. My partner Liz and daughter Andrea continue the love today. 

Advice is like rear ends, everybody has one. Mine would be don't give up on life. What's true today may be false tomorrow. Life can turn on a dime.  

We Don't Transition Alone

 Those of us who have a spouse who has been along for the transgender journey, very quickly we should learn the spouse occupies a very important position in our transition. 

I have always believed a spouses reaction to her partner's new life is a crucial factor in if the relationship is going to survive. After all, the cis woman is stuck in the middle of what turns out to be often a very selfish endeavor. She gets to watch in person the gender transition of her spouse, for better or for worse. Just think of all the cis women who have been pressured to help in the cross dressing urges with clothes and make up. 

I write pressure because of the urgency to present as a realistic women as possible. Obviously it takes a special person to accompany her spouse down a feminine path and I have an example.

Her name is Veronica and her spouse is actually a nearby acquaintance of mine. Her name is Jade, and here is one of the most awesome messages I have ever read:

 "So when I first came out as trans to my wife, she was so supportive and amazing. The thing I remember most about that conversation was when she looked at me and said, "You know I'm not gay, but I'll be gay for you." I love you to the moon and back!"

Isn't that great? Wow! This is Jayde:

I personally have been on both sides of the spousal situation, from very bad to very good. Which I will explore in an upcoming post.

In the meantime, thanks to Veronica and Jayde for sharing in this extraordinary post!!!