Should Have Known

 I just never really learn but then again I was never a quick learner.
Yesterday I had and accepted an invite to go see the Cincinnati Reds play. I went with the only three people in the world that I care about that I'm not out to.
So I went as my other self.
So how did that work for me? Well sort of "bittersweet". I did enjoy the old sports banter with the other three guys but felt for all the world I was in "guy drag". No real surprise.

What really did surprise me was the old reaction I had to the other women in the ball park.  I was back again to wanting to be them and wear the leggings and boots they had on in the chilly weather.
Quite obviously in my everyday life now I'm past all of that and in to what I'm wearing.  Sure I notice the fashion other women are wearing. Now though I adapt what I can into my style and do the best I can.

At that point, I started to get aggravated with myself for going back to my old emotions or putting myself voluntarily through this day at all.

Then I was frustrated for being a damn victim, which I hate.

Fortunately, the Reds won and I'm back to normal. What ever that is.

Shop till You?

It is difficult to believe but a story of a transgender woman being discriminated against by a JC Penny's store is over a year old now.
I interact on a couple other sites and last night I received this incredible, informational answer to my post. I wasn't very clear I wasn't writing about myself and here was the response from
Chrissy-Xena:

"Unfortunately in any large store, especially where many employees are more clerks rather than professionals some will bring their personal beliefs in to work and try to over-ride the usual store/company policies when they feel personally justified to do so (such as religious views, right-wing ones, bigotry etc). Too bad you didn't get wait to see what the manager would have said to you, and then if not accepting of you and using the woman's fitting room then to get both their names and make an official complaint. Chances are the company would have backed you, given you came in the store dressed as a woman, and conducted yourself as such. And having your GF as a witness would have been a big plus in case they disputed the facts of the event. The company may have warned both the employee and manager not to discriminate again, and it they didn't agree to letting you, a customer, use the woman fitting room and/or female bathrooms then they should have been fired. If not then you could have filed a federal complaint (in some localities as well) or suit based on gender discrimination against the employee and company. Unfortunately this all sounds all so familiar to a similar incident a few years ago down at a Macy's store in Texas, and it was properly reported to management and dealt with sternly with the employee who refused to follow the inclusive policy of Macy's. The employee (also Black and conservative religious) used her religion as an excuse not to allow the transgender customer to also use the woman's fitting room, and wouldn't agree to change, so she was fired for just cause. Just know that if such a thing ever occurs again, to consider getting their names and making a proper complaint so that it can advance the cause of the greater transgender community. And without doing so that same two employees will keep discriminating against any "perceived" trans-persons that come in their area. BTW, if you ask for the store manager (if they have left for the day, the acting store manager will attend to your complaint). But following up with a written complaint ASAP to corporate so it won't be covered up (store managers won't send such complaints upstairs to corporate as they make him/her look bad ...they didn't train their employees well on store/company policies or deal well with it when it did occur, etc.) and will help enforce our basic civil rights. You may not wish to sue, but if you do then likely some trans-legal aid will back you and provide free legal services. But always ...always file complaints, they are cheap and most of the time they work to make changes without filing a lawsuit. At the very least the employee is likely to be fired if they don't change their behavior, even if they don't change their negative viewpoints about trans-persons. PS I have had "reverse discrimination" myself as when years ago I worked as an employee, at a Macy's nonetheless, a revengeful TG ex-friend filed false complaint against me with the BBB (she pretended they were a woman customer and was "shocked to see a man dressed as as a woman's employee" etc) and tried to get me removed from selling in the woman's clothing area, just out of spite. Once I found out who had caused me to be transferred to the men's department I told corporate HR (which was quite embarrassing as I hadn't revealed my trans-status so this "outed" me at a job where I "passed" 100%) they put me BACK in the same woman's area where I was an outstanding saleswoman). I then sued the TG for filing the false complaint, went to court and argued the case myself and WON! Remember, you are the highly valued customer shopping in a store where they are sinking fast with lowering sales, and they NEED every single customer regardless of their personal characteristics. Chances they WILL do something about any such complaint you file, and eliminate the problem one way or the other. My philosophy is "stand your ground!" Then "fight back." It feels so much better at the end of the day."

My response to her was I agreed with JC Penny's recent earnings, they would certainly value any shopping dollar. Plus I have rarely faced any dressing room problems as I shop. Perhaps the saddest part is the story of transgender women again fighting among themselves.

Let's Talk About It

For me at least, one of the most difficult thresholds I have been unsuccessful in achieving is what I think is an acceptable feminine voice.
At times I think my voice is passable (no pun intended) but most of the time...not.
It's my own fault. Over the years I have read quite a bit about the voice dynamics involved in feminine speech. My most difficult task is continuing to talk like a woman over an extended period of time. I guess I lose concentration or just get lazy.

As with anything transgender, there is help available if you can afford it or if it is available near you. With interest I ran across this post from The Times Union.com about the  College of Saint Rose Transgender Voice and Communication Program. They have served 50 or so clients and supervised 70 or so graduate students over the past 5 years.

One of my strongest beliefs is how inherently different the world reacts to us as women and often how our reaction is as important as our looks.  Too many novice cross dressers and trans women want to concentrate totally on looks.

Jack Pickering PHD, is the driving force behind this effort and says "In addition to biology, there are gender differences in speech, language, and non-verbal communication that are cultural, learned and reinforced from a very early age. Therefore, we focus on aspects of communication like gestures, word choice, and enunciation. Lessons in these areas frequently lead to discussions of transgender issues and the challenges faced during gender transition, such as ridicule, harassment and discrimination when there is a perceived gender mismatch between how someone looks and how someone speaks, gestures, or moves. I think about how our transgender guests have changed me, my program, the college, and clinical practice in voice and communication. I have a much better understanding of what gender is (and is not) and an increased sensitivity to an aspect of cultural diversity I knew very little about."

Of course this is just an excerpt from the post. Read the rest here.