OUCH!

Well it finally happened, a terrible nite out. Deep down inside I knew it was going to happen and maybe even I subconsciously willed it.
Well, I wish I hadn't and  I don't know why it did.
First of all I pushed my luck and went to a place where I had never been totally welcomed by the staff. I stayed away for nearly six months and decided to try it again. Wrong idea. I made a quick bathroom trip and 15 minutes later was paid a visit by a female cop. She was nice enough as she told me there was a complaint lodged against me. Use the men's room...right.
I said I was leaving anyway and no problem. Should have known better. The whole area is a "redneck" suburb and not normally where I go. Guess where I won't be going in the future!
By this time I was a little off kilter and made a decision to head to one of my "semi safe places" Went in,sat down and was nearly laughed away by these two guys sitting close to me.
What the hell? I had gone literally months of trouble free existence.  Either I was not comfortable with my girlself yesterday or I had a bad run with several individuals who happened to notice I was trans and cared.
Obviously this run of bad luck is not my first. Ironically similar situations arose when I was a blond before.
Life was good until somehow, someway I crashed it.
Decisions, decisions.  Do I stay blond or go dark again?
I work in guy drag this week ( a lot) so I will have sometime to consider which direction I may go.
One of my major concerns is that I'm missing something all of the sudden.Of course I know the gender transition without hormones or surgery is a combination of three parts. You have to be as skillful as you can be with your style, makeup etc. You have to network yourself as trans most of the time and try to put yourself in the right places. Most importantly, you have to have the confidence to be who you are.
As I look back on the debacle, the only difference in number one was my hair color. I was wearing flats, jeans and a black jacket. Nothing outlandish. Number two I trashed by trying to expand my network where I shouldn't. Number two certainly could have affected three.
I'll be playing the numbers later this week!

The Seeds Of Hate

The seeds of hate are nourished by confusion and ignorance. Not an earth shattering statement to be sure but I saw it up and close and personal the other night.
I've seen this guy notice me a couple times in one of the places I go. There is no real secret there of my past so I believe he knows I'm trans.
The last time I saw him, our eyes locked for a few seconds (which I try never to do). I think I saw the hint of confusion in him. Did he find me attractive. If he did what were the feelings he was dealing with? Unfairly I looked at him as a overly macho, redneck guy.I know as little about him as he knows about me.
I began to think. Is this where it all starts. The confusion over looks and an ignorance of what it means?
We all know a simple act of aggression is a male reaction to some problems.
The simple act of aggression can easily turn into a hate crime.
Thank God she hasn't challenged with me that yet and thank God for the really nice female friends who go out of their way to make me feel welcome!
Simple meetings such as that can only make me imagine what torture the truly attractive transgendered women go through.  Telling a man up front is the right thing to do for sure. 
Craving attention and hating loneliness shouldn't be a sin either. Being beaten or worse yet killed for hiding the truth are terrible.
I believe I may seen just a small part of that road the other night.

There Is Progress!

Here are a couple of "feel good" stories.
The first comes form "Jacqueline White" at the "StarTribune"
Here is an excerpt,
"It sounds like a great set-up for drama: My spouse, Marcus, who used to be Margery, goes back to the college he attended as a woman, which happens to be a women's college, Mount Holyoke.
How will the alumnae respond when one of their own shows up at their 25th reunion as a man?
The drama turned out to be a nonstory. Of course some classmates did initially --understandably -- look to me as the presumed alumna.
The worst thing to happen was that one person laughed when Marcus showed up at the registration table claiming to be a graduate. But he still got a registration packet.
When he took his turn saying a few words about what he'd been up to since he graduated, his classmates responded with hearty applause. And guess what?
Other than his gender transition, what Marcus had been up to was not all that different from what his classmates had been up to. He got established in his career, bought a house, served on some nonprofit boards, got married and adopted our daughter."
"In the end, he turned out to be just another guy with a receding hairline reminiscing at his 25th college reunion."
Unfortunately, Marcus's story does not take into consideration the 63% of transgendered individuals who have experienced simple to severe bias in their lives. (2011 National Transgender Discrimination Survey) .
The difference it seems is largely based in how the family accepts the gender transition.
The next story is an excerpt from a continuing one you have probably heard of.
From the "Mother Company" comes part two in a story called "Raising a Boy in Pink".
Son "Sam" suddenly announced he wanted to wear a pink dress to school and here is part of the reaction.
The parents coached Sam on what to say to the children at preschool who might tease him. They role-played things he could say back to them. They talked about how much teasing can hurt, but that teasing is wrong. At that morning’s school drop-off, Mom's faith in Sam moved up a notch when he announced to his teacher, “Look at my pretty dress! No one is allowed to make fun of me.”
After school, Sam beamed as he reported that his teachers had said they liked his dress, and the other four-year-olds had said he looked pretty. But the kids in the five-year-old class teased him and told him that “boys can’t wear dresses,” and that he “must not be a boy.”
“What did you say back?” I asked. “I said, ‘Don’t make fun of me! I can be a boy and wear a dress, because it is my choice!’”
Enough (and more than enough) said!