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| Image from P.A.U.L.A. on UnSplash. |
As I wrote before, yesterday was one of those busy days when everything seemed to come together to get things done.
The day began innocently enough when I went with my wife Liz
to two of her doctor’s appointments. I have long since stopped being anxious
about going to a medical waiting room because everyone is so wrapped up in
their own problems or their cell phones to notice a stray transgender woman
just going about her business.
For the day, I decided to get brave and poke the bear so to
speak by wearing a T -shirt I received when I was a board member of the Dayton,
Ohio Rainbow Elder Care Alliance a few years ago. The shirt proudly displays a pride
symbol on the front and has a “Support LGBTQ Elders” on the back, so I was
prepared if I triggered any negative feedback from a stray gender bigot or
TERF. Ironically, it did not matter because the waiting room was empty the entire
time I was waiting for Liz to get done. In some senses, I was disappointed that
I did not get a chance to show off my shirt to anyone, so I took it off when I
returned home and saved it for today’s birthday lunch for my daughter and
son-in-law who are coming down from Dayton for her party.
We are celebrating a little early because she is leaving for
Maine to climb a mountain there on her actual birthday. She is the mother of a
transgender child so I thought my LGBTQ shirt would be appropriate.
The real fun started yesterday when I went to my Veterans Administration
weekly virtual LGBTQ support group meeting. That is where I could not keep my
mouth shut and brought politics into the group as a new member made a snide
comment when I mentioned I was getting access to a brand-new VA satellite clinic
made possible under the Biden Administration. Everyone else cringed as I simply
said Biden was a real improvement over the Russian asset, we have now. I was ready
when the new person who identifies as a trans woman then said she never votes
anyhow and I was going to say then you are part of the transgender community’s political
problems. But I saw the look of panic on the moderator’s face, so I stopped. Because
I care about not breaking the group’s rules and getting asked to leave.
My mouth is one thing I inherited from my mother and passed
on to my daughter who is a strong ally of the transgender community. Her
reaction when I came out to her was anger because why she was the last to know
and kept in the dark by her mom and stepmom. She calmed down when I told her
that mom and stepmom only knew me as a cross dresser and fought all the way any
idea, I was a transfeminine person. One way or another, it was a great relief
to get the coming out process to her out of the way and even a bigger relief to
know she completely accepted me. In fact, for my birthday that year she treated
me to a visit to her beauty parlor/spa for a color and cut on my hair which suddenly
was getting long enough to style professionally. I don’t know if I was more
scared or excited the first time I went, but I made it and loved my hair. I
knew them why so many ciswomen consider a regular visit to the salon a must in
life. After I was done, I thought I could probably miss a day of my Estradiol
pills because of all the Estrogen in the air in the salon. I loved it.
My main problem when I first began to communicate with women
on a regular was keeping my mouth shut too much. So much so that I thought I
might be coming off as unfriendly or worse yet as some sort of a bitch when in
fact, I was just too shy to speak. I had not practiced my feminine voice enough
to have any confidence on how I sounded when I needed to switch from my old
unwanted male voice into a new vocal pattern which fit the new feminine me. I
even went as far as having feminine vocal lessons which taught me how to speak in
a more pleasant manner and get my point across, often in a passive aggressive
manner. I certainly did not achieve miraculous results from my vocal work but
did enough to express the true me.
In many ways, keeping my mouth shut became impossible when ciswomen
in particular began to ask for my opinion about men as they recognized the
unique position, I held living on both sides of the gender border. As inherently
shy as I was, it was a good way to practice my new vocal pattern to fit how I
appeared to the public.
These days it is particularly difficult for me to keep my
mouth shut when it comes to politicians taking away our rights as transgender
women and transgender men. In my native Ohio, the state Bureau of Motor
Vehicles announced they would no longer give trans people new driver’s licenses
under their preferred gender and only issue one with a corrected birth certificate
which is extremely difficult to do here in Ohio. I did not find any information
on what they might do about renewals as my license is good for another year and
a half. Here in Ohio also, having a current picture identification allows us to
vote unless it is changed too by the Crook in Washington.
On a sad note, I just learned yesterday that I had lost two
transgender woman acquaintances to death. One was an icon here in Cincinnati
who I believed passed from Parkinsons and the other was down in Tennessee and
died from unknown circumstances. Hopefully, they are both resting in peace now.
Back to a brighter side, it is time to get ready to meet
daughter and son-in-law for a Mexican lunch at our favorite restaurant.
