A-Ha Gender Moments


Image from the Jessie
Hart Archives

Since I have been fortunate enough to live a fairly long life, I have experienced several a-ha moments when it came to my all important gender needs. 

When I started my gender journey as a youth, even though for the most part I considered my desire to cross dress my boy self as a girl to be a fairly innocent hobby...unless I was caught. Looking back, I don't know how I managed to hide what I was doing. 

Perhaps my first a-ha moment came when I was able to save up enough of my own meager funds to buy my own makeup and pantyhose. Sure I was petrified but somehow I made it through and was emboldened to do more. The whole process was to set the stage for more gender adventures and a-ha moments or being scared to death but loving the feeling of success.  

A few of the biggest moments I mention quite often and I am sure I will remember them when if and when my life flashes in front of my eyes when I pass on to the other side. One was the night I decided I would make the effort to go out as a transgender woman and quit thinking of myself as a cross dresser. Knowing full well, there was nothing wrong with being a cross dresser, I just needed more since I was increasing how many times I was going out and the venues I was attempting to go to. On the night in question, I ended up in the parking lot of a nearby "Fridays" venue gathering my courage to go in. The end result was predictable as I was to discover later. I lived and was treated with respect. I had done so much more than just interacting with store clerks in the mall. 

The more a-ha moments I had, the more emboldened I was to try more. For the most part I was successful except when I tried a couple redneck venues where I was roundly rejected. I guess you could say I had different a-ha moments when I had the cops called on me. I learned the hard way and kept on trying. When I tried, I was able to find more success in my quest to see if I could live fulltime as a transgender woman. As I progressed, on occasion I was elated and couldn't stop thinking how I could fit in to the feminine world but other times when I thought of the enormity of what I was thinking of doing. My male self and wife were fighting me at every turn so life was not pleasant. 

As it turned out I out-lasted both of them and finally came to the conclusion I needed to transition fulltime into a world I had only had ever dreamed of. It was a huge a-ha moment and took a ton of pressure off of me. From there, it was a short jump to deciding if I should undertake hormone replacement therapy or HRT. HRT was yet another major moment of success. My body took to the new hormones as if I should have always been on them. 

The only problem I faced at that point in time was my feminine inner soul taking over my life. She had waited so long and proved time and time again she knew what to do if I would just trust her. 

As I near the age of seventy five, I am sure the a-ha moments maybe will be less numerous but more dramatic as I face the final hurdles of life.