Silly question? Maybe never.
This all came up as I was swapping emails with an old friend who has a similar life experience as I. She is also considering hormones at the same age. She had just recently watched a couple short documentaries about a couple of transgendered women with her wife. Ironically, she found herself identifying with neither. Unfortunately, one of the individuals in the documentaries came off as rather clownish and even hurt the home discussion. Her wife is to the point that she told her if this is what you want, do it. The problem became, just who is "you"?
My friend and I then ended up discussing just finding a niche for yourself in the transgendered culture.
Of course later I began to rethink the process and came up with this idea- At what point do you cross the threshold from identifying as a transgendered person and identify as just being you?
At times I feel guilty in some sort of way about not identifying internally as a male or a female. I think "Isn't there a problem here?"
I hate the phrase "It is what it is" but in this case "it" is.
In the past here I have detailed many of the formative experiences in my life in either gender.
The experience helped to understand both genders. I know what it is to compete in an alpha male world and how it shapes a man. That's why I don't hate them.
I'm learning to know what I so wanted over the span of my life about a female existence. Slowly but surely, I'm discovering the true essence of a life I only dreamed about.
Where does all this leave me? Right smack in the middle.
I have been so fortunate to carve out a small niche is society as a woman. My fondest desire is to continue the process just as far as a can.
On the other hand. "It is what it is" I can't erase so many years of male life either.
At some point I would have a label at all anymore. I will just be me!
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