Rosa Montezuma

 From Panama, transgender beauty pageant model Rosa Montezuma:

Thanks Tonya

 Perhaps you recall the Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote not long ago about the former server/acquaintance I employed years ago before I transitioned.

When I responded to her Facebook friend request, I was almost certain from there she would try to get ahold of me. Early last night, she did. 

Very early in the Facebook Messenger conversation, she was very complimentary as far as my appearance is concerned.  For whatever reason of course, any compliment I receive does wonders for my gender dysphoria. 

Not long into the conversation I asked her if the tavern we used to go to in our hometown was still open. She said she was going to ask me the same question. It turns out she moved from our medium sized city at approximately the same time which was seven years for her and close to that for me. She said the town had become toxic to her.

Even though I had not thought about it, the amount of toxic feedback I received (real or imagined) made it easier for me to move too. Along the way, due to me finally giving up the ruse of leaving my house as my true self , the word finally escaped of my desire to transition to a woman. I faced passive and forced aggression from people I knew. An example was the 4th of July party I went to with my deceased wife when the DJ who used to work for me just "happened" to play "Dude looks Like a Lady" when we arrived. Worse yet was when a long time acquaintance told me my reputation would ruin my business. 

So, Tonya was right, the toxicity got to me too.

My partner Liz even noticed it from our earliest days together when she said I had "sad eyes".

Hell, my very own brother wouldn't even back me up. I was fortunate though when my daughter,  her in-laws, and of course Liz and her family accepted me as a transgender woman. 

In conclusion, here is a picture of me you probably have seen from the toxic days.  Circa 2014.

Meetings

 Over the past several days, I have been somewhat busy with going to the vampires for a phlebotomy (when they take a pint of blood out) and virtually attending our monthly Dayton Rainbow Alliance Board meeting.   

The trip to see the infusion vampires was fairly uneventful and didn't even hurt much this time. What hurt me worse was being called "sir" by one of the new women at the clinic. She quickly reversed her gendering to miss after noticing whom she was talking to. Other than that, not much happened as my veins were working well and the whole experience was done before I knew it. It's too bad the blood can't be put to a good use. They take it out when my iron level exceeds a certain point.

The meeting also went well. First of all, the person running it kept everything moving and the information coming. I have a very short attention span and get bored easily.

I did get a chance to bring up my upcoming Trans Ohio presentation on transgender aging issues. I wasn't surprised when the whole idea  was well received and then again, no one really knew anyone who is transgender and living in assisted care. Or a nursing home. 

Now all I really have to do is lock down which format I will use to present it. The organizers at Trans Ohio would like me use the transgender/crossdresser support group Facebook Live platform, which now means I have to find out who to contact to do it.

No big deal.

Before I go, here is one of my fave photos taken a couple years ago at a Trans Ohio seminar with a statue of the Ohio State University mascot, Brutus Buckeye:

What a Wonderful World it Would Be

 Just think if all the conservative Republicans' energy and ideas went into solving our nations' basic problems such as hunger, housing and education to name a few. Instead of pressuring transgender athletes.

 I think "Kira Moore" (below)  said it best:

"I’ve been looking through various Transgender news feeds and all I’m seeing are stories about all of the Republican bills being introduces across the country as if there weren’t any other pressing issues which need attention and honestly, I am sick and tired of it. If this pack of rabbid fundamintalist evangalical busy bodies spent half the energy on real problems such as homelessness, poverty, or education, everyone's lives could be improved a thousand fold. Yet what are they all fired up about? Trans women and girls playing sports or worse yet, proper medical care for trans youth. WTAF?"

Great point!

More Looking Ahead

 While I am on the subject if looking ahead to the days of relative freedom  I desperately hope is on the way, I found another picture to share from one of Liz and I's Trans-Ohio seminars which we made into a mini vacation.

From 2019. I was very intoxicated when I took this selfie!

Looking Ahead

Since March has arrived and I am less than two weeks away from receiving my second Covid vaccine, I am finally beginning to look at the light at the end of the tunnel being freedom. During the year which has just passed when the pandemic started Liz and I have only been out to eat three times. 

During that time, I learned how much I have missed the public interaction I was enjoying.  To the point (as I've mentioned before) I am even looking forward to my upcoming phlebotomy when the vampires take a pint of blood from me.

To further "re-live" the good old days, I found this picture to share from a couple years ago in the summer time. When I was out on a dog walk in the nearby park.

 

 

Do I Know You?

 On occasion, my interaction with Facebook continues to dismay and amaze. 

Last night it seemed all the "crazies" were out on FB...including me. Sometimes when I am bored I will sarcastically interact with someone just to see (or experience) the reaction I get. I was rewarded when I got someone's panties in a bunch simply by writing my disapproval of heavily filtered pictures. I was rewarded with a tirade which referred to me as being transphobic as well as other things. Not looking for a fight, I just let the whole matter slip away. 

This morning though, I was greeted with a totally different friend request.  It's very rare, I encounter any requests from my hometown. Not only did I receive one but the woman I received it from actually used to work for me in one of my restaurants I managed.

At my peak, I managed (or tried to) a staff of over seventy five front of the house servers, hostesses and bartenders in my busiest unit. As I looked at the picture and name, my rusty noggin slowly came to the realization the person sending me a friend request indeed was one of my former servers.  I knew this because of one of our mutual friends and the fact she was wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey in one of her pictures.

Overall, the memories of this time of my life were very sad. It was during the period when I lost several dear friends and my wife to various diseases. Plus my gender dysphoria was running at an all time high as I explored if I wanted to, or could, live in a feminine world as a transgender woman. 

As I returned to reality, I was so happy to have lived through the "dark ages" of my life to get to the existence I have now.

To make a long story short, I accepted her friend request. It will be interesting now if or when I will hear back from her.  

The "Big D"

 No, I am not writing about Dallas and all of it's problems with winter time.

My "Big D" concerns my gender dysphoria. 

Yesterday I virtually attended a meeting for the upcoming Transgender Month of Visibility which is being produced as a month long celebration of everything transgender by the Trans Ohio organization. As I have previously written about, my small part of the presentation will be on March 26th. As it gets closer, I will have information for you on how to access it. As it stands now, it should be on Facebook Live. The topic will be my pet passion...care for elderly transgender persons. 

At any rate, yesterday, the Zoom meeting meant I had to put together some sort of a basic "look" for the hour. The whole process didn't take long. A close shave, eye makeup, and lip gloss left me extra time to experiment with all the hair I am blessed to have.

When I was done, I was able to look in the mirror and see the me I was always destined to become. In other words, I was able to defeat the "Big D" temporarily at the best. 

I know deep down my gender dysphoria is a nasty beast which I know is difficult to defeat. Even more so since going out in public is so rare. In fact, so rare is I am basically looking forward to my appointment Tuesday with the vampires when they are going to take out a pint of my blood to control my iron.  

Fortunately I am looking forward to riding my temporary victory over the "Big D" and making my upcoming two public visits more comfortable.  Looking slightly ahead, I have my second Covid vaccine coming up on March 13th. 

My goal is to blend as an "more mature" old hippie woman! Now I need to find a pair of wire rimmed glasses. :) 

In the meantime, I will do what I always have done to defeat the "Big D." I will have to keep exploring my options and working hard to be the best transgender woman I can be. 

Trans in Trumpland

 This new documentary "Trans in Trumpland" has been recommended to me by a close friend but I have not had a chance to see it yet. Here is a quick excerpt on what it is all about:

Evonne from Trans in Trumpland

" Trans In Trumpland is a powerful docuseries with a total runtime of under two hours. Filmmaker Tony Zosherafatain takes a road trip across four states in the U.S. that have transphobic laws—North Carolina, Texas, Mississippi, and Idaho—to converse with four transgender people of different ages and races as they cope with or fight against the anti-trans policies implemented by the Trump’s administration. Zosherafatain, who is a trans man himself, gets to tell his own story over the course of four episodes as he meets members of the community to unpack the intersectional issues they face, whether it’s related to race, immigration, poverty.

 Trans In Trumpland doesn’t just focus on these issues; it also demonstrates how these four people try to overcome them on a daily basis. While certain direction and music choices skew on the dramatic side, the docuseries works because of the compelling subject matter, especially the story of trans Latinx immigrant Rebecca, who moved to the U.S. at the age of 10 with her mother and has been detained by ICE three times. It’s a step beyond negative headlines, offering a glimpse into the lived experience of those directly affected by laws such as the discriminatory HB2 bill, which prohibits trans people from using bathrooms and lockers that align with their gender identity, or the trans military ban. 

Created by TransWave Films with Transparent’s Trace Lysette as an executive producer, this docuseries is a heartfelt must-watch. [Saloni Gajjar]"

Check out the trailer: