Another Month

 All of a sudden it seems, the first month of 2021 has come and gone. I'm not happy to report, the month of January has been more of the same. 

In fact, the only time I have been out of the house was to take one of our very sick cats to the veterinarian for help that never came. He had to to be put down sadly, as he was declining quickly. So you can tell, the trip was far from a social one.  To make matters worse, we even backed out on going on a paranormal ghost hunting trip in a nearby town in Kentucky in an old opera house. We weren't worried about the catching the "Covid" from the ghosts but didn't really trust the so called safety measures by the organizer.

I know I am fortunate in that I really don't need much feedback to reinforce my authentic gender. Even so, public feedback helps my gender dysphoria, especially if it is positive (of course.)  

The light at the end of the tunnel is the vaccine. Which for me should be available in the coming weeks. The way I am looking at getting stabbed is, in order for me to get both shots, it will at least take another two months.

To put it all in perspective, when March rolls around, Liz and I have only been out to socialize at all three times in the year gone by.

The way I look at it too, I will not take it for granted when I get to go out in the public again. 

Fiona Feng

 Meet Fiona Feng who currently lives in Ireland and is a self described "woman of transgender experience". She is one of the writers I follow on Medium. 

Lady and the Dale

 From NPR:

"The Lady and the Dale, a new HBO documentary miniseries co-directed by Nick Cammilleri and Zackary Drucker, has been promoted by the network with most of its secrets held in check. Tune in to this nonfiction biography series, the promos suggest, and learn the tale of a female automobile executive who took on the Detroit automakers and tried to market a gas-efficient car in the 1970s, at the height of the oil crisis."

"The Lady and the Dale has the flavor and momentum of Catch Me if You Can, that Steven Spielberg movie with Tom Hanks on the trail of a teenage con man played by Leonardo DiCaprio. But before the first episode is over, Jerry comes out as a trans woman and changes her name to Elizabeth Carmichael. The kids are raised to call Liz mom and the series goes on from there, with Liz starting the 20th Century Motor Company and introducing the Dale.

Eventually, Liz is arrested for fraud, and goes on trial to defend the lack of production of the Dale. But in the '70s, with transgender issues so relatively unfamiliar and widely misunderstood, she goes on trial in other ways, too — especially in the media."

For more, go here.

Mya Taylor

 Mya Taylor (above) is an American transgender actress and singer. She is best known for her role in "Tangerine" in 2015 when she won the Independent Spirit Award for Best supporting Female.

Inspiration is Fleeting

Or is it? Every morning when I wake up, I do a quick self examination of my body to see what hurts the most, or at all. Very quickly I then move on to thinking about the blog and what I have written about in the past. Every now and then, I come up with a former experience from years ago in my past.

Plus every once in a while, I am able to find a picture to aid in the story. An example is this picture from a decade ago in 2010.  Somehow, I was able to come up with my own version of primitive photo shopping on my cell phone. I did it by taking my picture in a mirror so I could see myself as I did it. My goal was to take a picture to add to my profile on the multiple dating sites I was exploring. 

The hair in the photo was a wig of course. Ironically my hair currently is as long and nearly as wavy if I add a liberal amount of mousse after I wash it. 

It's also taken me nearly a decade to grow my own breasts which were comparable to the forms I wore back then. Of course I am fortunate to have been able to undergo hormone replacement therapy at my age.

So, inspiration for a blog post is fleeting when I am well over 6,000 posts written for Cyrsti's Condo.

One good thing about the picture is, it is the one my partner Liz saw and decided to respond to me because I had "sad eyes". At that point in time I did. 

It was taken before I found a circle of accepting friends who helped me transition and gain a whole new level of inspiration.
 

Be Careful What you Wish For

 Lately here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have been discussing a few of the ramifications of life insurance and to a differing degree, changing your legal gender markers.

Here in Ohio, it was not too difficult or expensive to change my legal name, gender on my driver's license, my name/gender in my Veterans Administration paperwork and my name on my social security card. (not my gender) Also, I still cannot change my birth certificate gender here in Ohio.

It turns out, not being able to change my Social Security gender at the moment turned out to be a good thing after I heard this from Connie:

"When I applied for Social Security and Medicare, I did so in person with the proper documentation with my legal name change. I did not, however, change my gender marker, as I felt it wasn't worth opening that can of worms. I guess I should have been more aware, though, because the person on the other side of the glass partition checked off the Female box for me. It ended up being a pain in the ass to get it changed back when I later had trouble getting Medicare to pay on a doctor bill. Health insurance considers the differences in male and female rates, as well as does life insurance (or did, then). Social Security tried to blame me for the "mistake," even though it would have required a specific application and documentation from me to make that change - which, of course, I did not provide, and they could not have had on file). Maybe I was just passing so well to the woman that day, I don't know. Sometimes, though, there are more important things than passing.

It behooves us to be diligent as we make changes throughout transitioning. In the case of life insurance, we won't be around to clean up any messes that our beneficiaries may be left to endure."

I guess it was obvious to the guy at Social Security that I didn't "pass" or then again, I don't remember if I "outed" myself by telling him I was transgender. It was five years ago now and on some days, I have a difficult time remembering last week. I just remember him saying he could change my name, not my gender. 

Of course too, I am under a different health system with Veteran's Administration health.  Under which if I ever experience problems with being transgender, there is a person/persons to call. 

So once again, there are many steps to consider when you are considering changing your legal gender markers.

Trans Acting Legend

 

From the Advocate. Com:

"A Hollywood veteran of nearly two decades, Alexandra Billings (above/right) is currently guest-starring on a multi-episode arc of the hit ABC sitcom The Conners as Robin, a transgender woman who is a supervisor in the factory where Darlene and Becky work.

For The Connors, it’s another sign that the reboot of classic sitcom Roseanne is continuing it’s trend of reflecting current America on the show, and for Billings, it’s another extraordinary role in a storied and successful career that’s included stops on Grey’s Anatomy, How to Get Away With Murder, Never Have I Ever, Goliath, and Transparent. More recently, she was playing Madame Morrible on Broadway in the iconic musical Wicked."

Passing Thoghts

 Not long ago, I wrote a post on passing privileges. Ironically, recently I have seen another post or two regarding toxic feminism. As I did, I began to look back into my past for examples and I came up with several.

One of which was a pre teen birthday party I went to for my Grand-Daughter and a few of her friends years ago before I came out as transgender.  One of the invitee's was obviously a little social butterfly who was off in her own little world. She seemed to be certain she was the best looking party girl at such a young age. I wondered then why she was even invited. 

Then of course were the groups of women I worked with and tried to manage. I learned early how passive aggression worked and how women formed groups of like minded people to get their way. As a manager, once I gained their trust, they tended to be very loyal. I was very successful at passing as a man.

Now it's time to add in a Connie comment concerning the original post which dealt with blending in being a desired goal of "passing":

" I do agree that, for me, "blending in" is not really my desired goal. I had always been pretty quiet and rather shy as a man, while my feminine side wants to be much more social and involved. I have often joked that all I really want is to be the most beautiful girl in the room - which is only a joke if I really think that I ever am. Still, I'd much rather shine than blend. I can't make my feminine appearance be as good as Phaylen's (highly filtered and possibly photo shopped) pic portrays, but I have learned that there is so much more to "passing" than the way I look. It's much more about the self-confidence and living in truth. Although it took much longer than it should have, I finally realized that I belong and have every right to be anywhere I choose to be, as does anyone else. I want to pass as a person (the person I really am) more than an illusion I may have created."

(The "Phaylen" Connie is responding to is an LGBTQ activist and actress and does have passing privileges' probably due in part to advanced makeup and photography techniques many of us don't have access to. See below:)

More Connie: "I suppose that I have some "passing privilege" - at least, I have been told this many times. My dysphoria keeps me from recognizing this allegation, however. Beyond the primary, my secondary (male) sex characteristics add up to be a real challenge for me. Sure, there are cis women who are taller, or with broader shoulders, or with large hands, or with big heads and necks, etc. - but very few of them possess all of them together. Nevertheless, these are things that I do possess, and that I can never change. I have managed to change my attitude, though, and that has gone more toward achieving any passing privilege I have than has anything else."

Perhaps my emphasis on blending in has to do with my intense interaction with other women over the years. Even though I had to act as if I were a man, I interacted as if I was a woman. My gender dysphoria has told me over the years I couldn't be the best looking woman in the room and just being perceived as a woman in the room was good enough. 

Anything else will have to wait until my next life.

Near Death Experience

Just when I think I have all the possible wrinkles ironed out in my transgender experience, another possibility comes along to worry about.

Last week I had an opportunity to communicate with a woman who deals in insurance and other retirement planning.  She wanted to know more about issues dealing with transgender elderly as they face long term health care. 

As is the case with many transgender people I know in my age group 70+, I am on a fixed income life with very little extra cash to play with. Years ago I lost quite a bit of money when I had to close my restaurant down. It was an especially dark period in my life when I lost my wife and close friends to death and my 401K's plus a sizable inheritance to a failed business.

These days, all I have to cover my infamous "final expenses" is a couple small life insurance policies which are good for life if I keep paying on them. My new paranoia comes from how my transgender status will effect the policies. For example. I took out the oldest policy when I was living a male life and now I have to send in all the paperwork for a name change.

Plus, most importantly of all, my basic gender is an issue... again. I am legally a female but biologically a male because I don't plan on ever under going gender realignment surgery. 

I may be making too much of an issue with this but once again I am faced with a transgender issue when I die. On the positive side, I have been researching information on the insurance front and the news was the companies are learning and adjusting to the needs of transgender individuals. So the future could be brighter.

Finally, if any of you have any relevant info, please let me know!