Another Summer

 Another summer has come and gone, way too quickly. Even though summer is not my favorite season, it's almost time to consider putting all my seasonal sleeveless tank tops away and taking stock of my sweaters which are still wearable from my wardrobe. I say "about" time because here in Ohio we always have what we call an Indian summer when temperatures hit normally summer like temperatures. In the meantime, we have been enjoying rare wonderful fall weather away from all the fires and hurricanes plaquing the country. Where ever you are, I hope you are staying safe. Of course too, we have the continuing tragic problems with the Covid virus.

I keep thinking as bad as the year 2020 has been, I ought to try to slow down the march of time as much as I can, because as I near 71 years of age, realistically, I don't know how many summers I have left. But that is a whole other subject. On a lighter note, I did take advantage of the good weekend weather to finally start to clean out my old car which is probably heading for the junk yard. Being the procrastinator that I am, I still have a couple weeks before the license tags expire and I have to get it off the street. Interestingly, none of the neighborhood kids I encountered yesterday paid me any mind whatsoever. 

On another level, the car represents one of the few remaining ties I have with my old pre transition self. Cutting ties all the way with it would provide me yet another way to cut ties with the past. 

Later on today, I hope to take advantage of the weather and do a little more work on the car. When the rains come later on in the week, I plan on going through all my clothes. I did find a The Ohio State hoodie in the back of the car I can wear on my walks when the weather cools off again. And I'm excited the Buckeyes (OSU) are going to start playing football again in about a month. 

Go Bucks!

Hot Flash?

 If you have never experienced a hormonal hot flash, it's quite the experience. 

I remember vividly my first real "flash" as I was sitting at a favorite sports bar (of course) of mine enjoying a drink and watching the big screen television. All of the sudden, I felt like I was internally combusting. I wondered if the whole world would notice. They didn't seem to and fairly quickly I returned to normal (?) and began to realize I had just experienced my first hot flash. No wonder all the cis woman of middle age I knew talked about their overheating. 

All of a sudden, this morning, I experienced another hot flash and I am not completely sure why. I have not changed any of my HRT meds I have been on for many months now, so meds should not be an issue. Similar to my first case of heat, the whole episode probably only lasted an hour or so. 

I will have to see if it happens again as I have another visit coming up in October with my endocrinologist so I am sure she will check my hormonal levels again anyway. 

As with mammograms, I see hot flashes as a rite of passage into being a more physical transgender woman. I say physical because I feel mentally I have always been trans. Plus, all of this temperature issue leads me to point out the changes I went through in relating to the weather as I hormonally transitioned. I found I became colder quicker and stayed that way.

I also recognize though that hot flashes could be an issue with my HRT meds. An issue I will have to discuss with my Doc if it happens again.

A Real Loss

 The passing of "Ruth Bader Ginsburg" creates a massive hole in the US Supreme Court. One I fear will be impossible to fill with a qualified candidate. Here was one of the news releases: "Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the demure firebrand who in her 80s became a legal, cultural and feminist icon, died Friday. The Supreme Court announced her death, saying the cause was complications from metastatic cancer of the pancreas."

Seemingly, before the body even had a chance to cool off, "Moscow Mitch" McConnell in the Senate was starting the fight to replace Justice Ginsburg who had also voted to help gender causes. 

For all of you who didn't vote for Hillary and identify as transgender and/or crossdresser, your desire to have all of your gender rights taken away could become a reality.

In the meantime, Rest in Power Justice Ginsburg. You will be missed. 

Go Sarah Go!

 From CNN: Transgender activist and political candidate "Sarah McBride" on Tuesday won her parties' (Democratic) in Delaware for a state senate seat. Which puts her solidly on the path to be the first person  out transgender person in the country to be elected to a similar position!

Hopefully Sarah (pictured below) will be the first of many. Thanks to Bobbie for the heads up!

So...You Want to be Pregnant?

 Along the path of my transgender journey, being pregnant in reality or by using aids to appear with child never really appealed to me but I know it certainly does to others. Plus, I can think of no other way to "pass" as a woman than to be pregnant. Although, if you happen to see the same people more than once, it would difficult explaining what exactly happened with your pregnancy. 

Moving all of the intro aside, I read a delightful experience this morning from sister blogger Mandy Sherman. The post's title is "It's a Girl" and here is a short excerpt:  

"Since not much has been going on lately, I’ve been thinking back about my fun makeover a number of years ago, it reminded me of a special adventure, which took place courtesy of my supportive seamstress from the other side of the bay (who had been altering my clothes for a long time). I asked whether she could come up with a pretty “just-above-the-knee” lightweight summer dress that fit me properly. She thought for a few seconds, smiled devilishly (that should have been my first clue), and said “Yes indeed, sweetie…and it’ll be one which really flatters your figure.”

Easy request. Sounds simple, right? Ummm…Perhaps not so much…

It took a while for everything to come together (think in terms of months). When she had everything ready, she made sure I would be wearing needed underthings (a second clue?), and a date was set for my unveiling.  On the appointed day (with wife out west, visiting her sister), she ushered me into her dressing room. Then she handed me a very pretty blue polka-dot, lace-trimmed, sleeveless short dress, which I casually mentioned looked much too big for me.  She gave me that silly grin (third clue??), said “you know me better than that,” left the room, and and came back with a large package. “Congratulations, sweetie. You’re now 8 months pregnant…and it’s a girl, confirmed by an ultrasound two months ago.”  I opened it and OMG – it contained a big and very realistic silicone pregnancy belly. 

I decided on the spur of the moment that “In for a penny, in for a pound.” It’s a new experience. Why not try it? She helped me fasten it on, and “now let’s get you into your pretty new dress.”  I had wondered about the measurements she took during prior visits – but as it turned out, instead of sewing it herself, she simply altered an abandoned maternity dress to fit me, to keep the cost down. Estimating what my size would be with the belly in place was her challenge, and she added an inch of pretty lace around the hem to give the illusion of more length…which could be removed quickly if necessary to shorten it. The result was amazing. It fit perfectly, and she described how she did it, while I stared at the pregnant girl (me) in the mirror. "

There is more to this story if you follow the link above!

Non Binary Discussion

 This comment on considering yourself "non binary" or not, comes from Connie:

"I know that I am not non-binary, and never have been. I have purposely lived toward either end of the gender spectrum for nearly seventy years, but never felt comfortable anywhere in-between. For those who are wanting to find comfort there, I can only imagine how difficult that might be. Of course, I absolutely know how difficult it has been for me to live as either a man or a woman, but I have always tried to be as unambiguous about it as I could be; people can usually conclude my gender by my presentation (whether they accept it, or not, is a different subject). To be non-binary in one's gender (or genderless) identity, though, can only be made known to others by declaration.

Non-binary people don't necessarily present themselves ambiguously or as androgynous. Some can be easily perceived by the average person as decidedly binary. As difficult as it may sometimes be for a binary trans person to project their true gender identity, non-binary people cannot rely on their presentation for others to see them as they see themselves to be. Mis-gendering must be a constant problem for those who see themselves as neither he/him/his or she/her/hers. They/them/theirs would have to be conveyed in some way other than physical presentation, anyway.

Somewhere between gender binary and gender non-binary, there are those who consider themselves to be bi-gender, or even pan-gender. Others may still be gender questioning. The only thing we can be sure about, then, comes from the adage: If you've met one trans person, you have met one trans person."

Perhaps the difference comes with the younger generation. Several of the ones I have met recently have steered clear of the "transgender" label.  But as I said, a label is just a label. 

A Day at the BMV

 To begin with, the BMV stands for "Bureau of Motor Vehicles" here in Ohio. Because of social distancing and other factors, the fun filled wait to renew any number of personal or motor vehicle licenses can be completed at the "BMV." 

Because I wasn't really pressed for time, I decided to wait for the middle of the month and go early in the morning. Unfortunately there were many other people thinking the same way. Of course I was optimistic and didn't use the call ahead option either, so I spent nearly two hours of my life I will never get back waiting for my turn. 

Through the whole experience I couldn't help but feel the same gender dysphoric feelings I have felt in the past. Would I get called "sir" or asked any other inappropriate questions. As it turned out, my anxiety was wasted. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I had my vision checked, answered a few questions and was soon seated for my lovely drivers license picture, which I won't get to see for at least two weeks. 

As I sat and waited, I remembered back four years ago when I got my first license which said female on it and how proud I was when I got to use it to vote. Since normally I can't remember what happened last week, my license will always be a way to remember when I changed my legal gender markers.

Maybe it was all worth the wait at the "BMV". A couple hours was sure starting to feel like a whole day.

Non Binary Fun

 These days I have seen the term "non binary" used in place of transgender in many instances. I find it interesting yet another term is finding it's way into the LGBTQ vocabulary. I'm sure many of you remember how prevalent the transvestite term was before transgender came along. 

I would imagine non binary maybe a more appropriate term to use with younger people who still might be on the gender fence. Would it replace androgyny as a major used term eventually? Or are we dealing in too many terms again in our culture. In which case who cares? I am sure especially the newer people dealing with gender change do. Imagine again having a very androgynous child who is still working their way through gender. In her/his case I think non binary works. 

I wonder too if the world will ever come to the point where acquaintances we transgender people run into over the years will ever come to think of us as non binary? My own personal example is the cis woman I met years ago in an art gallery who chose me for a woman's photo shoot which featured women of different backgrounds. Of all the people who lives I have crossed, I think she is the one who would embrace the non binary term.

Plus, since I have decided hormone replacement therapy would be as far as I will go to further my Mtf gender transition, maybe non binary describes me more accurately too. 

As a matter of fact though, I don't really care, I just wanted to try to write a fun post on the subject for all of you to consider.       

I'm not Brave

 I find it generally humorous when someone describes me or any other transgender women or men as brave. 

In my case I had to move forward to live as my authentic self as a transgender woman before it was too late and I was successful in committing suicide. I then embarked on a gender journey which at some points was down right scary and at other times completely wonderful. In other words, I learned I wasn't so brave as much as I never had a choice and was beginning to live a life I was always destined to live.

Of course at times, my transition was less than fun. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I was driven to tears by very rude people. I don't believe it was being brave to keep subjecting myself to abuse, it was beginning to feel more and more natural and the abuse faded away. 

It's always a debate too about how much different the situation has changed over the years and decades. When I came out, it was primarily a solitary time for novice cross dressers or transgender women. There was no social media and very few groups who would hold monthly "mixers". The times were so solitary, trans individuals who went the distance all the way to genital realignment surgery were expected to go stealth by moving away and completely starting a new life. In many ways, I felt they were the brave ones.

Currently, in many parts of the country there are LGBTQ groups which a person can reach out to for support. The group I am part of locally has helped many trans people come out of the closet and a place for cross dressers to explore more fully where they want to go. Small groups are able to go shopping and socialize in socially distanced situations. In fact, there was a virtual social this weekend. 

I am fairly sure most of the girls/guys don't consider themselves brave. It is something they just had to do.