Not in Kansas Anymore!

 With all apologies to all of you who actually may live in Kansas, this post concerns a few of my thoughts during my annual mammogram yesterday. It's not as if I didn't know what to expect since this was my fifth go around with a mammogram. Depending on the person giving the test, the whole process is normally a fairly quick process with minimal discomfort. 

Yesterday, as I was sitting and waiting barely covered from the waste up with a flimsy hospital gown, I had a chance to think how far I have been afforded the chance to come. Thanks to my hormone replacement therapy, my breasts have become nearly the size of the silicone breast forms I used to keep hidden in a drawer at home. For some reason, I thought of Dorothy's immortal comment from the "Wizard of Oz" movie...I was not in Kansas anymore. 

Fortunately, I didn't have too much time to think about classic movies as it was time to do my contortions with an big white machine which looked like something out of Star Wars. It whirred and clicked approximately four times to four different poses and I was done and on my way.

Equally as amazing, was the fact early this morning, I received an email from my hospital account telling me everything was fine. I am especially sensitive to the news since my grandmother passed away from breast cancer.

On the positive side too, the two booster shots I was scheduled for at the VA Monday finally have stopped bothering me. Now, I am done for awhile with all my invasive appointments.  Thank goodness!

Pin Cushion

Yesterday was another medical travel day to see my "Primary Provider' at the Veterans's Administration. I was scheduled to see her in person a couple hours after I had an on line appointment with my therapist. Too bad the appointments weren't reversed since I always have to answer questions on my moods because I am bi-polar. During my second appointment I went ahead and caught up on all the shots I needed (shingles etc.) I was a big baby and they hurt! I.m always asked if I thought about harming anyone. Maybe a little bit in this case :). At least, after the mammogram is done Wednesday this week, all my painful medical appointments will be done for awhile. Between my blood labs last week and the phlebotomy, when they took a pint of blood to control my iron, I have very much felt like a pincushion. On the bright side though, most of my tests have come back very positive. 

On a different note, Connie commented again on our transgender - cross dresser "Role Model" post. She added Monty Python and the Kids in the Hall to the list.  Who could forget Dave Foley as a hooker? Evidently I did! Thanks Connie.

 

Role Models

Recently, I wrote a short post here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning a few of my influences growing up transgender. Since that time, both Michelle and Connie have commented. Coincidentally. both mentioned Flip Wilson's cross dressing Geraldine, who I missed most of since the television show was on when I was serving in the Army. 

As I wrote, my list was short and Connie added to it here:

" I had no transgender role models, growing up. Even in adulthood, I looked to cis women for my inspiration - if not aspiration. Cross dressing as a means for comedic entertainment may have interested me, but I usually found it to be disappointingly not funny. Flip Wilson's Geraldine might be the only exception. Movies such as "Some Like it Hot," "Tootsie," and "Mrs. Doubtfire" were about men who cross dressed for the purpose of deception, as was the TV show "Bosom Buddies." I always thought that it was ridiculous that any of those characters were actually fooling all of the people around them, and, although I had a deep desire to be able to pass for many years, I did not want to pass with any ulterior motive; I wanted only to be seen as the woman I felt myself to be.

I remember so well the first time I saw a cross dresser in real life. I was fifteen, and had been expressing my femininity in private for about four years. I was waiting at a busy crosswalk in downtown Portland, and I was curious of the well-dressed young woman standing in front of me. I was asking myself, "Is she or isn't she?" until the light changed and she walked on ahead of me. It was then that I noticed her matted leg hair beneath nylon stockings. To me, that was a total gross out. It was internalized transphobia decades before the term ever existed.
*The side story here is that I was downtown that day with a band mate, who was purchasing a wig to wear on stage when we performed (no long hair was allowed for boys in our high school in those days). The whole time I was in the wig shop, I was trying to figure out how I could use the excuse to get my own wig, too. I was looking at the feminine styles, though. Anyway, I commandeered his wig about a year later, and I fashioned it to fit my own style. At least I no longer had to "borrow" my mother's wig.

I was vaguely aware of Christine Jorgensen in my youth. I was too young when she initially made headlines, and then had moved into a deep suppression before she began making the circuit as an entertainer. I had admiration for what she did, but I had no desire to become a novelty act. I can only imagine how she might have cried herself to sleep, having been forced to make a living by conducting what many must have thought to be a freak show. As a musician and singer, myself, I could see how it might have been a way to make lemonade from a lemon, but one has to find the sugar with which to sweeten it.

Remember the Maury Povich episodes of "He or She," in which he had about a dozen people on stage, half of whom where cis and the other half some iteration from beneath the trans umbrella? Whether they were female impersonators, drag queens, cross dressers, or transitioned trans women, they all looked good enough to compete with the cis women on the stage. I used to record those shows on a VCR that I had hidden in a closet and had rigged up so as not to be discovered (the hidden cable wire is still there to this day). I was always so turned off by the concept of the show, but I would study it, when alone, just to see how I might accomplish what they had.

Throughout most of my life, I think that I can sum up my exposure to media influence by borrowing the Bugs Bunny line, "What's up, Doc?" It always left me with more questions of myself than answers. As far as cartoon characters go, I relate more to Betty Boop.......or maybe Jessica Rabbit. :-)"

Thanks for the help!

Rain Valdez

From Wikipedia :" Rain Valdez  is a transgender  American actress, writer, and producer who rose to prominence with her award-winning short film, Ryans. She stars in the web series Razor Tongue, which she created and which has earned her a Primetime Emmy nomination in Outstanding Actress in a Short Form Comedy or Drama Series.'

Weekend

It's amazing under the quarantine for Covid 19 how fast the weeks come and go. It seems like yesterday when I was enjoying a frosty blended Margarita on the patio of our favorite restaurant. When it was last Saturday. Now it seems, the only trips outside the house I have are my walks in the morning and the occasional medical visit. Which are even rarer since I even see my therapist now on a VA televisit set up. 

Next week, I have a virtual therapist appointment and the pre mentioned Mammogram to go to. In the meantime, I am still awaiting word on how my hormone tests went from my Endocrinologist. For some reason, in the past, the results have not been recorded on a VA on line site which contains all my personal records. 

Just in case, I called the Endo doc's nurse and told her I went to have the prescribed blood labs done and (by the way) I have been thrilled with the results so far. Even my partner Liz has commented she has noticed the changes going on. 

I wonder when the virus finally moves on, I will look back on this period of quarantine on the Cyrsti's Condo blog and wonder just how this transgender woman found things to write about. 

Since my Mtf gender transition has taken me past the predominant makeup and clothes topics, it has been tough.

Bugs Bunny

Recently, the cross dresser transgender group I am part of  asked a question concerning who were our non binary role models growing up. Perhaps not so surprisingly that "crazy wabbit"  Bugs Bunny showed up on the lists. Growing up, the only major performer (other than Bugs) I can remember cross dressing many times was Milton Berle. Who I have added a picture with Bob Hope. Of course, Berle always played his drag for laughs. 

Moving ahead, times changed dramatically as the so called 'reality" talk shows became so popular on daytime television. Every so often transvestites and/or cross dressers would turn up trying to explain the world from their viewpoint. Depending on the show of course, many times the participants ended up being cast in an unkind light.

From there, the shows completely deteriorated into the Jerry Springer show and it's abuse of the transgender community. 

All in all, I am sure you all can add in your own transgender influences, good or bad. 

The problem is, there were way too few to chose from.

Trans in Trumpland

Sounds like a sick fairy tale doesn't it? 

Actually it's a new documentary produced by Trace Lysette  (below)

The four-part series, created by New York City-based TransWave Films and directed by trans filmmaker Tony Zosherafatain and produced by Jamie DiNicola, follows four people as they engage in the fight for transgender equality in the United States during the Trump presidency.

 For more, go here.

Vampire Day

Yesterday I finally made time to take the journey north to the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration center for my three month blood lab and Hematology visit. What happens is I have been getting blood labs also for my Endocrinologist. She (my endo doc)  whats to keep tabs of my hormone levels since I have increased my dosage. Now I have to wait. It normally takes a day or so for them to call about the results. 

I hope the levels are acceptable to her because I am thrilled with the results so far. My breasts are remaining full and my hips are starting to finally fill out. At the least, I hope she keeps me on the same dosage. And, speaking of breasts, I have a mammogram coming up early next week which is always uncomfortable but a right of passage for me anyhow as my maternal grandmother passed away from breast cancer long ago. Because of that and my age, the VA says I need a full breast exam yearly. 

As far as the vampires went, my Hematology results were not so good. Every three months, they check my iron level. My body has the tendency to produce too much iron and it can become toxic. To prevent it from happening, they "take" a pint. The formal term is a Phlebotomy. My iron was too high and the nurse who did the procedure fortunately was possibly the best I have ever had. It was nearly painless. 

So, all in all, it was a successful day, I wore my fashion frayed jeans and a matching form fitting tank top I just "rediscovered" buried in my wardrobe. When my vitals were taken, it was confirmed I have lost nearly five pounds since the last time I was there. Which was great of course. I guess my morning walks and less eating are starting to work.

It's just a reminder of how complex this transgender lifestyle can become.   

Escaping

My partner Liz was repairing a transgender woman friend of mines necklace and needed to return it to her. Finally, Saturday night she gave in and we met at our favorite restaurant to return the necklace. Even though we were socially distanced on the restaurant's patio and were wearing masks as were all the employees Liz still wasn't totally sold on going. Ironically what tipped the scales in my direction were Tarot cards. Liz had one of her spirit classes. She consulted the cards about going and received a positive response. 

Spirit was correct and all of us stayed socially distanced and had a great time. For the first time in months I was out and about  as safe as I could possibly be under the circumstances.

I even dressed up. I wore my soft green patterned maxi dress with flats. for makeup, I went with a light covering of charcoal eye color, no foundation (since it was too hot for it anyhow) and my Merlot tinted Lip Gloss. I was able to style my hair enough to get by and we were off for our exceedingly rare night out.

To make a long story short, outside of one old lady who was doing her best not to show she was staring at me through her sun glasses, I made a close friend with a pitcher of Margaritas and had a great time. 

Better yet, my trans friend paid the dinner tab. 

Unless something drastic happens here in Ohio with the virus, I am thinking the nights out will be few and far between.