Keeping Your House in Order

Connie responded to a post I wrote about a cross dresser at our karaoke get together Friday night who went into a lengthy mainly one sided discussion (with another cross dresser) about how they built their own houses. I also neglected to mention during her discussion, he/she managed to add into the conversation why she wouldn't ruin her above average male voice trying to sing like a girl.

Here is Connie's comment:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 11, 2018 at 2:46 PM

"You don't have to know how to build a house, you just need to get and keep your own house in order. When one's hobby becomes so intense that it becomes impossible to do that, it's time to stop and make some hard decisions. That's what happened to me. BTW, I've also renovated quite a bit of my house, and I could have accomplished much more had I not let my "hobby" take up all of my spare time.

I have (had?) a friend who is a cross dresser. We used to go out and about together fairly regularly. It used to bother me that she would manipulate any interaction we had with others (usually sales clerks or waitpersons) to declare that she was doing her hobby. I got tired of trying to make it clear that her hobby was not an example of who I am. I asked her to stop doing that, but she couldn't - because it is an integral part of the hobby, itself. It's like, "Look what I can do! Wanna see a pic of me in real life?"

Years ago, my wife and I saw a therapist together. Because I felt that I needed to hide my feminine-self from so many people, I had cut myself (and her) off from friends and family. I was hopeful that the therapist would be learned enough about transgender people to know the difference between a cross dresser and "whatever" I was. His solution, though, was to make the analogy of an avid golfer, and that I should agree to limit my "hobby" to one round a week. I told my wife, afterward, that I couldn't abide that, as I woke up every morning feeling like a woman. To deny my own very being six days a week was something I wouldn't be able to do. Although this therapist didn't help us directly, it was his suggestion that was the catalyst for her understanding the difference between cross dressing and living authentically.

My makeup and sense of fashion are extensions and expressions of who I am. I enjoy them, but they are not a hobby for me. Renovating my house might be one of my hobbies, yet the house doesn't look anywhere near as good as I do. :-)"

A point I forgot to make is, less is definitely more when it comes to make up. Transgender or cis, the women who make it look effortless are the winners and their house is in order. 

It's a Hobby?

I read a thought on my Facebook feed recently which started me to think and remember my experiences as a "cross dresser". 

The person said basically all the make up and clothing expertise in the world were just a hobby for cis and transgender women everywhere. I agreed and did remember I used the hobby excuse at one point of time for my desire to look like a woman.

As I began to understand what was going on though, the use of external basics such as make up became a way for me to show the world who I really was. So then the "hobby" became more intense.

As a matter of fact, Friday night I met another self professed cross dresser. It would have been a great time to crash his/her ego run by asking "how was her hobby?"  Mind you, I only consider it when I perceive a slight on transgender women.

As it was, I couldn't add much into the conversation of building one's own house. Don't break a nail.

Grounded

Normally, tonight would have been time for another of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings. Unfortunately though, we are having problems with both of our cars at the same time (of course) so I will have to miss the meeting.

In the greater scope of the world, it's no big deal but it is always good to write about.

Plus, it will be interesting to see what happens since a new moderator is taking over. The old one is starting some sort of classes on Monday nights.

Being a bit snarky, the new moderator doesn't play the "clique" game as well as the old one. Who refused to get tangled up in all the stupid politics which seemingly you can't get away from in a group of women who used to be men.

We will see!

Vocal Help

As predicted, "Gordon" dumped nearly five inches of rain on the Ohio River Valley and proved the decision to cancel Liz's company picnic was a correct one. I was disappointed because  I love free food as much as the next girl. Speaking of food, Friday night came off without a hitch. A smaller turnout than normal, with even the fetish cross dressers dressed respectively. Most important to me, was the chance to practice my vocal training. If you are thinking of proceeding down your own voice path, there are plenty of ways to do it. Here's one from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 6, 2018 at 2:43 PM

"The first phrases I worked on with my feminine voice were salutational in nature: "Hello, how are you?", "I am fine, thank you, how are you?", "Thank you", "You're welcome", "Have a nice day!" etc.. First impressions of our voices are just as, if not more than, important as our physical presentations. I also made up affirmations that I would speak aloud either in the mirror or in front of a video camera. I would say something like: "I am Connie. Connie is a woman. The woman you see before you is Connie." I don't need those words to convince myself that they are the truth anymore, but the way I say them out loud does make a lot of difference, especially when reviewed on a video recording."

Speaking of video recording (a contradiction terms?)  It is very important to watch yourself talk to reinforce your feminity. Thanks for your input Connie.

Damn You Gordy

Well, Sunday was supposed to have been Liz's company picnic at one of the area's premier local parks.

As I have written in a previous post, what's left of Hurricane Gordon, is going to drop a ton of rain on us all weekend. Thus, the picnic has been postponed.

I am being a brat and feeling down because I have always enjoyed their company get together s. Maybe I will be lucky and they will be able to get it rescheduled for October.

What I really wanted to do was work on my voice again in front of a bunch of people either I have never, or barely have ever met.

The branch of company too, is run by an out lesbian so there is a LGBT connection which helps.

I guess though I should stop my whining over four inches of rain from a hurricane. There were so many who had it much worse.

Tonight is Date Night

It is the first Friday of the month and the night Liz and I have been heading to Karaoke with one of my cross dresser-transgender support groups. Basically, I go to watch all the others and Liz should go to sing, which she doesn't.

So far, as I have written before, most of the attendee's conduct themselves in a civilized manner (as far as dress goes) and, to my knowledge haven't trashed the women's restroom. I have had times in the past with other groups which that has not been the case.

What am I going to wear is the question. We are supposed to be getting hit by the remnants of Hurricane Gordon  this weekend so I am thinking about a simple pair of leggings and a frilly top. The last time I went, I wore my empire green high wasted maxi dress and solicited  a little smile and goodbye from the bouncer checking I.D's at the door when we were leaving.  Hopefully, he was't just mocking me :).

Other than that, it probably won't be a very chatty evening for me unless I can break out of a little circle, I have found myself trapped in. I have grown tired of the "lead" cross dresser and her never ending crummy jokes. So, if no one says anything interesting, I just withdraw into myself, knowing though, Liz is having a great time.

I will have a chance to work on projecting my voice, as the place can get quite loud on occasion. 

The whole event is usually well attended (approx 20 peeps), so someone interesting is bound to show up.

And the Frog Said?

Yesterday was my third voice lesson and the first since still battling a throat cold.

Fortunately, I was able to battle my way through and get another good session out of the way. In fact now, I have a sheet of whole sentences to practice on. So, in three sessions, I have gone from making sounds to trying full sentences. Now, it gets tougher.

For example, I encountered the receptionist who called me "Mr. Hart" the day before, when she called to remind me of the appointment. With my speech therapist listening I told her "There is no Mr. Hart." I immediately then wondered if I had said it correctly with the proper intonation. At that point, I just wanted to get my point across and didn't much care.

However, I want to be perceived as more as just a good mimic and actually am learning. I think I am and the last dinner Liz and and I went to was a turning point. It was the first time in my life I actually felt my voice was beginning to sync up with the rest of me. Even though, I still have a problem using the phone. Because I still need to call Connie and check in.

Today may have been a good day since here in Cincinnati it was our turn it seems to have a active shooter situation downtown which resulted in approximately three dead. Obviously, I am OK and wasn't even close to the situation.

Selfishly, the problem I am having with developing a new voice, is learning how to use it in any situation. It is very much like a new toy.

Saturday Night Lights

Well, our Saturday night turned out to be a very pleasurable evening.

I wore what I wrote about wearing and was very comfortable doing it. I went with my long black embroidered skirt and cream fringed black tank top.

What has become fun now is the managers and some of the crew are beginning to recognize Liz and I as regulars and are reaching out to say hello. It doesn't mean they don't know I am transgender, it only means I have crossed into the "so what" mode. Plus I didn't notice any of the other patrons paying me any undue attention.  I still am waiting for the day when someone comes up to me and asks if I am trans because they know someone who is. It has happened to me from friends/acquaintances but never a stranger...yet.

Then again, very few of us can "pass" totally and I thought I would "boost" this post with a comment from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 3, 2018 at 6:53 PM

"I have to believe that very few of us can be completely invisible. What we can do is live in such a way that our transgender status is inconsequential. That is, we can define a new normal for ourselves, find a peace with it, and just go on with our lives. Although I'm quite certain that I will never go through a day without some sort of reminder that I am trans, I don't worry anymore about what that might mean to me, and I don't very often care what others might be thinking of me. Whatever being trans really means to me, I restrict those thoughts to the reading and commenting on trans blogs. I do feel that I have gone through quite a lot to get where I am now, and sharing with others - trans or not - those experiences and feelings may be of some help to them, just as it tends to be therapeutic for me. Otherwise, the rest of my life is not centered around my trans status, and I believe that most people sense that about me.

I hid myself for most of my life. I didn't start this transition journey with the thought of ending up invisible again. Yeah, I'm a trans woman - SO WHAT?! I'm so much more than just that."

Great points! Thanks

I am Transgender

Bye now, you should be thinking, well...Duh! But there is a reason to the madness of this post. The reason is:

I started playing with book ideas (finally) yesterday.

One of the happenings out of the past was just owning up to the fact I was?am transgender. The sentence went something like this: I am transgender...there I said it.

Before you judge, please remember all of this could change a number of times as I work my way through another "epic" non fiction work. This time, I am trying to structure the whole process to actually get it published in paper form. Not just in "E-Book" form like my last attempt which has just disappeared, along with the original publisher who shut down.

So, I am trying to make it more basic and informational than my first effort.

I need to focus on the fact this whole process  wasn't a choice and took a long decision process. I'm still amazed I can remember the night I came to the conclusion I was trans is still so clear to me, it seems like yesterday. 

At that point I backed track a bit an explained what being transgender means to me.  More precisely, trans to me means exactly what it says...crossing genders.

I also want to point out early in the book the idea transgender people live in the world often invisible to the public. And do I very good job of it.

All of this now is such a daunting task as I get started and (as I said) much of it will change numerous times as I work my way through it.

Then again, you have to start somewhere,