Dysphoria

Recently, I happened along a couple of close acquaintances who were commenting on their gender dysphoria "raising" it's ugly head again.

I got to thinking about it and whose doesn't?

I thought back to the days (especially when I wake up) and look in the mirror and see male. Then again, other times, I see female, or a mixture of the two.

As negative as it seems, I am trying to prepare myself for the prospect I will always be gender dysphoric.

I might point out too, at least one of the people I know has gone through genital realignment surgery. She thought surely going through the procedure would relieve the problem.

I would suppose the only words of wisdom I could give anyone seeking to travel a similar transgender path as I have is...be prepared to never quite lose your sense of gender dysphoria.

Just use it to make yourself a better trans woman...or trans man. 

Dressing for the Troops?

Shelle lles sent in a great comment concerning my seemingly constant quandaries about what I wear to certain events, especially around other trans women or cross dressers: (the troops)

Shelle IlesAugust 4, 2018 at 10:27 AM

"You are a dear friend so I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I notice that most of the events you attend are with other transgender people or dressers.
Which may or may not drive your choice of wardrobe at these events.
I mainly go to just regular people events so I observing mostly cisgender lady's I tend to dress more like what I observe in a more or less normal type situation so I don't worry as much about makeup and that kind of thing because the women I'm around mostly don't do it. Of course I do enjoy having nice nails, hands and feet and some jewelry, but for the most part I'm pretty natural.
Just offering a slightly different perspective here.
I as I look at my life I have come to realize that I really didn't set out to be a Transgender, I just knew I was always a woman and not so much anything else. I guess being a transgender was never my goal, even though that's what I would be labeled by people on that side of life. I live in the regular world as a woman which is where I think I belong best."

To be certain, some of the events I go to are dominated by transgender women and or cross dressers. However, just as many aren't. For example, the picnic I am going to Sunday, I probably will be the only trans woman there. Plus on karaoke nights, the group meets in a very straight bar and I loath thinking I would stand out like a clown. Several of the "girls" manage to do it every week when they try to sing, or worse yet dance. I keep telling myself there is a place in heaven for a six foot two person in three inch heels trying to find rhythm  and then dance. Oh well, at least they are having fun, I just couldn't subject myself to that.

I like your perspective and attempt at all times to dress to blend. Sometimes though, it's fun to just try to show off. Being the bitch I can be (and I never say anything) I can't help but notice how many of the other "attendees" may spend a little too much time in the thrift stores.

One of the bigger compliments (I think) I have received in a while was last night, when Liz asked me if I was going to finish my make-up and I had previously. I too agree, iand as much as I can, I go the natural route. 

Thanks for the thought provoking comment!  

Good News!

 During the week of July 23, three federal courts issued welcome rulings about restroom access by transgender students at public schools — in Pennsylvania, Oregon, and Florida. In each case, the court agreed that schools are or may be obligated to allow transgender students to use restrooms consistent with their gender identity, and rejected arguments that allowing trans students to use those restrooms violated constitutional or statutory rights of cisgender students sharing facilities with them.

The most significant of the three rulings came from the Third Circuit Court of Appeals based in Philadelphia. In May, a three-judge panel of that court had unanimously affirmed District Judge Edward G. Smith’s decision to deny a preliminary injunction sought by cisgender students and their parents who objected to the Boyertown Area School District’s policy of letting trans students use facilities consistent with their gender identities.

The case was so clear-cut to the appellate panel that they issued a one-paragraph ruling shortly after the oral argument, indicating they would follow up with a full opinion later. The full opinion, written by Circuit Judge Theodore McKee, was issued on June 18, and was joined by Circuit Judge Patty Shwartz and Senior Circuit Judge Richard Nygaard. McKee was appointed by President Bill Clinton, Shwartz by Barack Obama, and Nygaard by Ronald Reagan.

In today's  political climate, I thought any news such as this was worth passing along.

Picnic

For some reason I pushed the wrong button and deleted Connie's comment by mistake. It concerned the outfit quandary I was experiencing as I planned on attending a couple of events this weekend.

In the comment, Connie mentioned the possibility of me singing at karaoke following a few voice lessons. My reply was, there wasn't enough Jagermeister in the bar to help me sing. :) Well, maybe not anymore. Connie also questioned my torn jeans. Yes, the tears were earned, not purchased. One good suggestion came when she (Connie) said picnics were great for going barefoot, if my flats became uncomfortable.

And Mandy Sherman, thanks for your comment. I'm sure a good time will be had by all!

Finally, for those of you who don't know, Jagermeister is a German hunting drink with a heavy licorice flavor. Some unceremoniously compare it with a certain cough syrup. I acquired a taste for it when I was stationed in the Army in Germany.

More Fun?

I forgot a couple of picnics we are hoping to go to in August. One of which is this Saturday.

Now, it gets down to what I have to wear. Since Friday night is karaoke night, I could wear one of my maxi dresses, because most of the attendee's have never even seen me in a dress before at all.

Then, I thought on Saturday, I could come back with my long black embroidered skirt and black and cream edged tank top, which you can see on the right.  My only problem is. I don't know how far I will have to walk in my flats. They are comfortable for awhile, but then get a bit iffy.

Also. I think the picnic is a little too causal for one of my "maxi's".

I guess, having all this social time is a good problem to have.

I'll Take the Rocket

One of the blogs I follow is "Emily's virtual rocket". The blog is a little different in that it revolves around transgender news issues. Why don't I let Emily explain herself:

Emily ShoretteAugust 1, 2018 at 8:30 PM

"Cyrsti:

I am writing to you to let you know about Emily’s Virtual Rocket. It is a news blog to keep people informed regarding transgender issues. In addition, gay, lesbian, and/or bisexual issues are also covered. Here goes:

Emilysvirtualrocket.blogspot.com

Thank you very much!

Sincerely,

Emily Shorette"

Thanks Emily!  And, all of you can follow her blog on my list of blogs to the right hand side of the page.

August Fun?

It doesn't seem possible, but July has come and gone. It's time again for the first Friday of the month when Liz and I normally meet an eclectic blend of transgender women and the occasional cross dresser for a night of karaoke "merriment."

Probably, the most positive part of the evening is it's an excellent chance for first time girls to come out in public and just begin their feminine journey's without a whole lot of potential hassles.

Of course, the biggest potential problems come from the petty in-fighting within the group. Sometimes it gets so bad, even I am embarrassed.

On the bright side, the month of August will be very busy for me. I have five medical appointments, including my first voice visit. I also have three support group meetings and one with my hair dresser, at which time, we make a decision on whether to keep my hair the color it is or let it keep progressing  (or regressing) back to it's original color. My secret hope is to some day get back to some sort of a blond shade but we will see...literally.

Also during the month, we are taking another mini vacation up to Columbus to revisit some of our fave spots there.

Mix in several other mini trips with Liz and August is turning out to be a busy month!

Trauma

I read a post today from one of my Facebook contacts I know in person. Plus, she also spent time in my hometown where she went to college.

It seems, she went back to re-live the "good old days" on the college campus, instead all she got was a sense of deep trauma. She couldn't figure it out because she was discussing the days before she transitioned into the transgender woman she is today.

Of course I got to thinking of why the town brings me so much trauma too. In my case it has to do with several factors. The most major of course, had to do with all the loss of life which happened around me.  From parents, to spouse, to close friends, I lost them all there. Then there were the two businesses I lost in the city I'm from. And, finally, there are the two properties I still own there I am trying to get rid of.

In fact, I don't have to go there to suffer the trauma, I feel it right now. I have my own little trick to get rid of the stress by using a phantom eraser in my mind. With my meditation it works fairly well...most of the time.

The trauma which I suffer which still baffles me is when I go for a night out. Literally, it has been over five years ago since I have received a very negative comment. Outside of the occasional mis-gendering, I just don't have many problems. So why the trauma? I consider it a form of PTSD which most likely will be with me forever.

Might as well learn to live with it. Such is a transgender life.

Finding a New Voice

As I am only approximately a week away from my voice therapy session at the Veterans Administration, I am keenly aware of any posts I find on my email feed on the subject.

I found one this morning on "The Washington Post" which put a bit of a different spin on the subject. 

I have decided to pass along a few excerpts:

 “We’re not just changing their voice pitch,” said Adrienne Hancock, an associate professor at George Washington and a pioneer in the field, according to many of her professional peers. “We’re changing how they express themselves.

”It is vital to transgender women to find the feminine voice that matches their gender identity, gives them confidence and helps prevent harassment.

Dena, the woman undergoing the training session — she asked that her last name not be used — explained the danger of being a transgender woman with a man's voice in the company of strangers.

“Passing is a safety thing for transgender people, and the voice is part of that,” she said. “It’s not just for me to be comfortable, but to protect me.”

The problem for transgender women is that finding a feminine voice is no easy task. As The Washington Post reported, testosterone, which transgender men take to build up their muscles and grow facial hair, also increases the size of their vocal folds, making their voices deeper. Estrogen, however, which most transgender women take, can’t shrink the vocal cords.

Go here for more.