Another One Bites the Dust

As you may have heard by now, Matt Lauer of NBC's Today Show followed CBS's Charlie Rose out the door for alleged sexual misconduct at work.

You may ask, what does it mean to the average transgender woman? Quite a bit, if you ever have been accosted by a so called "trans admirer." Unfortunately some of the worst admirers may be cross dressed. I know of one who always seemed to be "helping" young pretty transgender girls/women in need. Including a close friend of mine who ended up with an unwanted tongue down her throat during a so called "innocent" kiss.

In fact, over the years several of you Cyrsti's Condo regulars have written in depth about their interactions with often intoxicated cis-men. All of a sudden your validation as a woman becomes a case of very unwanted attention.

From those instances we (as trans women) should learn what cis women understand from an early age. No, simply does not mean no to some men and it is very difficult to gracefully exit the situation.

Depending on how well you transition and where you go, unfortunately you may have to live through this distasteful business.

Be careful and don't become a statistic!

Transitioning Later in Life

Over the past several days I have received here in Cyrsti's Condo, several comments about accomplishing a MtF gender transition later in life (such as I did). The first comes from Emma:

" I started my transition room roughly five months ago. I’m 61 and, perhaps like you, had always feared the slippery slope. With much help and support I started facing my fears about three years ago, and especially in the last few months as I gradually started dressing in public (now full time), started HRT, and now, just living my life. I no longer see it as a slippery slope. Each step was/is an experiment where I gauge my feelings after allowing them to settle. I will probably change my name legally in the next year but I’m not at all sure if I want or need surgery(s). Time will tell!

But as you wrote, the landing has been good. I’ve never felt better in my life than I do today."  

Congratulations Emma! Yay!!

And thanks to Paula and Connie for these comments!::

1. Paula GoodwinNovember 27, 2017 at 7:00 AM

   "I have often observed that coming out is a process not an event, in a similar way I now coming to believe that Transitioning is a life not a process. I am constantly finding new things about my chosen life, not simply the physical changes but in many ways the mental and social changes are more dramatic.
   
   I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."

   
   
2. 
   FABULOUSCONNIEDEENovember 28, 2017 at 3:25 AM

   "To "b" or not to "b"; that is the question. It's not really the point, however. I'm not really sure that I believe, totally, that life - and transition - is a journey, but I do know that my transition - and my life - will end at the same time. There are so many things left to REdiscover; I really have not enough time to get to them now. I'm sure as hell gonna try, though."

   
   

Another Victory

From NBC News:

A federal judge on Monday ruled that the government must allow transgender people to enlist in the military beginning on Jan. 1, 2018.

The order came after the government asked Washington, D.C., District Court Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly if it could push back the Jan. 1 enlistment date, which was established under President Barack Obama.

Last month, Kotar-Kelly issued a preliminary injunction that blocked the Trump administration's plans to exclude transgender people from the military. She said the government had offered no solid evidence that showed why the ban was necessary.

“This is an important clarification because it means the military can’t do an end run around the judge’s decision,” said Jennifer Levi, of the GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders, or GLAD, said about Monday's order.

GLAD and The National Center for Lesbian Rights represent the five longtime transgender military service members who sued the government in August, claiming that Trump’s efforts to ban transgender people from military service was unconstitutional and denied them equal rights and due process.

For more, go here.

Transgender Mirrors?

This post comes from 2012 and was a popular look on a mirror's effect on a cross dresser or transgender woman:

"In Cyrsti's Condo, I like to discuss the powerful role of the mirror in the life of a transgender person.

Mirror Picture.

The big problems with mirrors are they are pathological liars. They can only do what you want them to do. As you become lost in the eyes of that bewitching creature looking back at you in the mirror-in mere moments you can become just as lost out and about in an unforgiving public.

Let's call the process trans-physics.

Mirrors and pictures are one dimensional and just happen to make you look better if you take a picture from a mirror.

I have a friend who critiques the most attractive Flickr and YouTube cross dressing pictures and videos he can find. Rightly or wrongly, he uses other objects in the scenes to judge (among other things) the size of the person. Certainly the majority of us born with a taller, thicker body. No problem, we can use any number of photo tools to be one dimensional attractive. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that until you walk out the door.

At that point you have moved into advanced trans physics. You are a three dimensional person - suddenly the good old mirror doesn't mean that much.
At this point, if you aren't scared to death-check yourself to see if you are still alive!
Assuming you are alive, lets work a couple of very real factors into our formula. (Bare with me, I didn't mention I'm a functional illiterate in math!)
Studies show human beings determine things like gender very quickly as they observe others. This is good or bad. Good of course if you are successful in projecting your gender, even if it for a couple seconds. Bad of course if you don't. That's another topic for another day.

The other factor is the blood smell.  Humans are predators and are quite capable of picking up the vibe of "something isn't quite right" with that picture. The genetic female of the species is quite good at it. Many times eye contact and a little smile will disarm the situation.

I can write literally pages and pages on this causing your eyes to bleed.
Lets try a formula: Tr+P-B= Pr or Trans person + projection - blood = presentation.
Just remember it's a highly simplified idea from my highly simplified mind but all in all it works.

Finally, let me toss in one more word about those pesky mirrors...they can be a girl's best friend when you are out. A quick check to make sure your hair, makeup or outfit is not off kilter is always a good thing. A good hint is to hold an article of clothing up in front of yourself in a store in a mirror. It's a great time to give yourself a good once over!"

Transgender Actress?

When will we come to the point when there is no such thing as a "transgender" actress? Take actress Hari Nef for example. When will she become just an "actress?"

Hari Nef

It's no different in calling Denzel Washington a "Black" actor after all, or Ellen a lesbian comic.

I suppose it's no different for all our new transgender politicians. The fact of the matter is, they won their elections not because they were trans, but because they spoke to the issues.

I know I am biased and impatient, but the time is upon society as a whole to accept us for who we are...human beings.

It's All Fun and Games Until:

As I go back through the 5200 plus Cyrsti's Condo's archive posts, I normally come across several points to consider.

Perhaps the most important one today was the fact how wonderfully new and exciting the transition from cross dresser to transgender woman was.

Circa 2011

So many years later, sometimes I miss the "good old days" when a trip to the mall included seeking out as many mirrors as I could to catch a glimpse of the "beautiful" creature I had become. These days, all mirrors have become more utilitarian.

It's all good though, for the most part, even though I have lost almost all the childlike wonder of this adventure, settling into a new life is amazing in itself. How many other people can say they have had the chance to start over in a new life?

The Moving Parts of a Trans Woman

This post is actually a Cyrsti's Condo "archive post" from 2013:

Disclaimer! I shop for two things I use to ship my Etsy and Ebay items from a certain leading big box store which I feel has done more to destroy the inner fabric of America than any other.  I refer to them as the "Nazi's" and I buy regionally produced cardboard boxes at literally pennies on the dollar and Scotch Tape. I literally can't find what I need anywhere else and even I can't resist the price.

This morning as I went to the shipping section at the Nazi's (Walmart), I had a rare chance to see two women in my town at the same time who made the almost "beautiful" category.  First of all, I am and have been a "student" of women. I have said and written many times on how long it took me to figure out why I didn't have a sexual attraction to genetic females per se' but wanted so badly to be one. To have the hair flowing in the breeze, to be able to fill out a tight pair of jeans or shirt without padding.

This morning I mentally stopped to consider the many moving parts a woman has to contend with and how I was checking them down in my mind- and finally how did all of this relate to me a transgender woman on HRT.

Obviously, I don't live in Hollywood or down in Miami where all the very beautiful people are. Actually, I don't fare too badly with the lot of genetic women around here who do nothing for themselves physically. So I don't know if that is good or bad.

Plus a woman's look is like a poker hand. You hold some good cards like breasts, hair or legs but lose the hand in other areas like face or proportion.  If you care, naturally you try to build up the positives and bluff the opponent into thinking you have the winning hand.

You know I have heard seemingly 16 zillion times from my genetic women friends "welcome to our world".  I know it's all in good fun but sometimes I don't think they realize I'm a "A"  student of their world and loving to finally get some on the job training.

A big part of the training is knowing "parts is not parts" when you are talking about a woman.  Any sort of skill I can acquire in the big picture furthers the success of my "moving parts".

Flattered

Last night quite unexpectedly, I received a call from a close friend of mine. As it turned out, after exchanging pleasantries, he blurted out his brother had came out as transgender to the shock of many in his family.

He simply asked if I would talk to his new sister if she wanted. Of course I said yes and I began to pass along some ideas. For example I asked how much his sister has been physically out in public and what did the majority of the family think. Whatever the case, it does take a certain amount of the people time to process the change and quite frankly, some may never will.

But, first and foremost I told him to tell her to get in contact with any local LGBT resources (if there were any.) From there she could discover any support groups if needed. From there, we went on to talk about the actual act of a MtF gender transition and how most all of us take a quite similar but different path. Plus, one of the more concise definition of a trans coming out was recently passed along to us by Paula, which would have been nice to quote had I read it yet. I still might if she contacts me! Here is the quote:

"Paula GoodwinNovember 27, 2017 at 7:00 AM

I have often observed that coming out is a process not an event, in a similar way I now coming to believe that Transitioning is a life not a process. I am constantly finding new things about my chosen life, not simply the physical changes but in many ways the mental and social changes are more dramatic.

I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."

Thanks Paula, I agree once you think you have experienced all the changes, an unexpected one comes along. I equate the process to my very early cross dressing days when I was trying to negotiate a new pair of high heeled pumps in a mall. My new found "gracefulness" became bruised and battered when one of my heels became stuck in a sidewalk crack. Lesson learned, the hard way.

At any rate, I hoped the conversation did my friend some good. I was flattered and humbled he chose me to talk to.

Transition by Definition?

Several years ago, we ran a post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Beyond Transition. At that time I mentioned I had a few more thoughts to share on the matter.  I was curious to see how many (if any) of my ideas had changed over the years:

"Beyond Transition" is a huge idea to be sure. I look at transition as a passage from point "a" to point "b".  When I look at the transgender community as a whole, does anyone ever really get to point "b"? My only point of reference is when I'm out with friends and I lose any sense of gender. I simply just am who I am. Have I transitioned, am I done? Am I the same as a transsexual woman who has gone through SRS and lives her life with no fanfare down your street? Could be...or not.

Although I have not had the surgeries the trans woman down the street has had, would her transition qualify as being more complete?  Probably not. In essence if either of us is facing taking estrogen till the day we die, we are still transitioning.  Perhaps the only defining separation is one of us is determined to talk about our life to hopefully lend some guidance to others - the other not and that's fine too.

On the other hand transitioning does imply a certain series of events.  The external move from gender "a" to "b" is very clear. You decide you need to change to live, you begin to socialize yourself in your non birth gender, you decide you want to ingest chemicals into your body to further the process and you go "under the knife" to complete any physical changes you may deem necessary. This black and white process looks very good on paper and especially works well with a male mind but often runs into problems with the mental processes.

In my case, some would assume I already have the problems with my mental processes, so it's been damn difficult on occasion to sort out what is coming from where.  An example is years ago on my first visit to a "gender therapist", she asked if I had any problems with my cross dressing. I said no but I did have problems on the effect it was having on my marriage.  To make a long expensive story short, the only good result of the visits was that she diagnosed me with a very clear bi-polar disorder.

So I guess MtF transitioning is in the mind of the beholder.  The TS woman down the street may be "snug as a bug in the rug" in her stealth life.  On the other hand, I don't think I have ever been snug at anything. If the river is calm, bring me a boat to rock to see if I can tip it in my heels. Plus I hope I never lose the wonder of where this life has taken me.

Years ago when Uncle Sam let me go after three glorious years, I was discharged at Ft. Dix in New Jersey where my car was waiting from Germany.  I threw my duffel bag in the back seat of my 1973 VW Beetle and headed home to Ohio.  The next morning was clear, blue and beautiful when I got onto the Pennsylvania turnpike.  Just for a split second at a toll booth on a hill and had a chance to look at the road in the valley ahead. What a rush of freedom it was!  I thought I would never have a chance to reclaim that moment again but guess what - I'm close. Never say never.

So I guess my transition will only end when I depart this life and I look back and think how crazy it was that being transgender was so earth shattering. I will get back to you on that!