Copacetic? The word nearly sounds like a new mouth wash.
Then again it means so much more to me these days.
I can tell you I have never been in this situation before. My constant internal gender battle has subsided.
I can also tell you I'm not sure I'm not in the calm eye of a storm.
For the meantime it's been a peaceful break.
Perhaps it's because I'm starting to finally realize this not the old me. I don't have to wait days or even weeks to externally appear as the person I want to be.
I do not have to suffer bouts of paranoia about being accepted in society.
I do know none of this is permanent. Everything and everyone suffers highs and lows.  The wonderful part of all of this is I'm not on a high.
I seemed have reached another level of gender awareness. Rather than running out and looking for the next, it feels good to stay here for awhile!

"Driving my Ol 55"

I discovered a couple nights ago how you just can't take the hippie out of the girl.
On the way to meet a friend I happened to glance in the rear view mirror and saw this girl with long straight blond hair looking back at me. I happened to be wearing my favorite worn out bell bottoms and a frilly black sheer top. I was even wearing my "peace sign" ring. I definitely did know the woman in the mirror!
She reminded me of an older version of women I admired during my "hippie" days
I turned my attention back to the road and as the summer sun was setting I flashed back on a relatively obscure 1974 "Eagle's" tune. It was from their  "On the Border" album. It was called the "Ol 55"  The song essentially was about a guy heading home in his old pickup truck on a busy highway. Here I was years later driving down a busy interstate in a small pickup truck. He was heading home at dawn and I was heading out at sunset. Differences to be sure but close enough for a mystical connection.
I never will have the chance and go back and be the blond haired girl riding beside a guy in an old pickup truck. Just for a magic moment my rear view mirror gave me a chance to think it was possible!

"Han's" Down, She's Got It!

From the "The Wall Street Journal" (really)..." The South Korean media almost never miss the story when a Korean, or someone of Korean descent in another country, wins an international competition."
According to "Evan Ramstad"  Han Min i didn’t get much attention for winning the 2010 Miss International Queen Crown in Pattaya, Thailand, last fall. The beauty contest is for transgender/transsexual contestants and went mostly ignored in South Korea's conservative press.

All of that is about to change with the first issue of "Yahae!"
The publication will publish a set of stories on sexual minorities in Korea and will feature Han Min i as a cover girl.
As of now we still can't claim an American transgendered cover girl star.
"Lea T" is from Brazil, "Andrej Pejic" is from Serbia initially and the latest rising star "Valentijn de Hingh" is Dutch.
It's time!

New Friends and New Ideas

I met a friend in person for the first time last night and she shared her thoughts on being on female hormones for a year.
Most of her thoughts I had heard before. It was really nice to hear them from a voice.  She felt the changes were more profound from a mental point of view. Sure her skin changed and she developed her own noticeable breasts.
We talked about the changes in perception she had gone through on an emotional level primarily.
The conversation moved on to actually having the opportunity to join the sorority, even on a temporary basis. Any small glimpse into the "other" gender will give you a definite idea if you want to continue to join the sorority.
"Jezebel's" Melissa Jeltson recently wrote an article describing how her best male friend became her best girl friend. 
Very important gender issues such as space and power are discussed in the article. Here is a sample.
"Juno's experience as a woman is so new. Over dinner and wine, we talk about what it means to identify as female. She tells me of the first time she experienced female jealously, felt the piercing glare from another girl, wracked with envy. She tells me about feeling a loss of personal space as a woman, of having to protect the area around her body in a way she never had to as a man."
So real! Men reach over and around me in a way that would never happen if I was a guy.
On the other hand the positives of being more in touch with your body are also discussed." She tells me about feeling the power of being a woman, how the world can be gentler to you, people smile at you more, treat you kinder. She says physically, she feels more relaxed and engaged with her body."
I am more in touch with my body already without the hormones. The different curves I have give me a completely different feel of the environment  Close spaces need to be negotiated different or a breast bump on an object or person is not out of the question! Sure guys may not mind it but it certainly is awkward.  Let's not forget the totally different dynamic of wearing a skirt. A skirt alone will make you very more aware of your body.
I agree the world is a kinder, gentler place as a girl...even a trans one such as I!

Picture Panic!

The new techno girl Cyrsti has a new "Android" phone. Talk about feeling backwards!
I finally figured out how to actually answer a call and more importantly text.
I'm a text "addict" and I look forward to seeing how the phone works with my nails.
Texting works well for me in the noisy places I hang out in.
I don't like the fact a mere phrase can be taken out of context though.
I have written about about the cell phone as an accessory. Now I can use it as better access to by blog and social media such as Facebook and Twitter.
If I can only figure out to use it!

Paying Attention?

I decided to split these two small posts up because I did "come out" to the female friend I mentioned tonight.
She is a dear "long term" friend and I really wasn't planning on saying anything.
The meeting we attended partially involved planning the future. As we talked about the future, I just had to tell her mine.
As I figured, she took it in stride and said "so what?" I had much more trouble telling her.
Now I have told almost all of the people I care about being transgendered.  What a relief!!!!

Who Wears The Pants?

Very rarely do I ever attempt to dress up a much as a guy.
I do my guy drag to go to work and other than that I just don't need male attire very often.
Tonight was one of those nights I was meeting a female (birth) friend who at the start of the evening knew nothing about me being transgendered. We were going to a meeting that required a male clothing upgrade.
It really wasn't until I started to go through the closet did it occur to me how neglected my male clothes are!
No real surprise as I started to think about it. The only real surprise was that I hadn't thought of it before.

"Two Spirits" and Four Genders.

Independent Lens   ("PBS") is airing a documentary on the brief life of  Fred Martinez. Martinez was one of the youngest hate-crime victims in modern history when he was brutally murdered at 16. Two Spirits explores the life and death of a boy who was also a girl, and the essentially spiritual nature of gender.Fred Martinez was "Navajo" one of the native American ancient cultures that believed people who integrated genders were indeed special.
In Navajo culture there are actually four genders and other groups recognize more. The site actually provides background into these beliefs.
I don't have to tell you the respect I have for the ancient cultures who knew what we know.  Any inside view of both genders at all  should enable us to be better humans
We of course have interaction problems with society which distorts our view. People who fear or hate us suffer from their own distortions. It is very easy to blame several "pseudo" religious groups in particular for distortions that lead to terrible stories such as Fred Martinez.
We as transgendered humans need to embrace the Two Spirits culture.
That does not mean to "turn the other cheek" to society.  It is our responsibility to share our knowledge with others and not hide behind our skirts

No One Cared!

Nothing to write about. A whole evening of hanging out as a girl. No reaction from anyone. Just one guy who I see quite a bit was looking me up and down. My outfit? Conservative but breast dominated.  My favorite jeans, black jacket and thin decorated white tee...Nothing sexy to write about though.
I have a very difficult time adjusting to all of this. The inner voice that says any second someone is going to approach and say "You look great...for a guy dressed as a woman."
Nothing similar to that happened or has happened for a while.
I even had to stand in line for a stall in a woman's room last night...nothing from any of the other women. (Is  standing with my legs crossed girly enough?)
Could I have nothing to write about again? I hope so.
My journey is far from over I know. As the small battles become few, crossing the gender line and winning the war is in view.
What will I write about then?