A Woman's Perogative

To change her mind? How about her look?
About two weeks ago I settled into a new look.  My new hair color is almost black (very dark) and shorter and straighter than I've worn in a while.
I'm fortunate to know a couple hairdresser/beauticians who lend me their advice. One told me to "darken up the makeup and bring out the eyes with heavy black eye makeup." As I worked on the look, my eyes really did jump out.  I have greenish eyes that sort of took on a steel blue look. Very dramatic and quite fun! The final effect isn't so much Italian or Latino but somehow closer to a Native American look. (I'll have to get a picture to post)
The bottom line is that I seem to present better, especially to guys in my age bracket (more mature! lol!)
My problem is that I tried a longer strawberry blond look last night and fell in love with it! It's more of a fun (Harley Girl) look.
The bad thing is I hate leaving a successful look behind (for awhile).  The good thing is change is there for the taking. My friends are used to seeing me change styles.
In my eyes-it's a girl's birth right. I love it!

What's in a Name?

So many labels, so little time!
Are you a cross dresser or a trans sexual or a trans gendered person? As I venture out more and more I get those questions. The most confusing answer is "I'm a tweener". If you put cross dresser on one side of a spectrum and post op trans sexual on the other, I'm in the middle. I spend a portion of my life presenting as female. I'm too much girl for the cross dressers and not enough for the trans sexuals. I've had no hormone therapy or surgery.
But aren't trans sexual women cross dressers?  Yes in the sense they can never become full females in the strictest definition of the word. No if you consider they are totally feminized.
So it is no wonder the public is confused about us. So are we!
It is frustrating that the "T" in "GBLT" is only used when the gay community wants an extra group to push for their agenda. Plus, certain sites on the web seem to place more value on how far you've climbed up the TG ladder towards surgery.
The bottom line is that all of this revolves around labels. Humans need them.
Sometimes it's fun to describe a gender "tweener"! I love to be unique!

Media of One.

Recently Gladd released it's ratings of gay, lesbian and transgendered television shows and networks:

MTV, CW Top GLAAD 2009-2010 TV Ratings

All public scrutiny of the media is good and some day the stereotype of the demented crossdresser/transvestite may be behind us. In the meantime each of us who goes out into the public have an important job.

As we interact with clerks, servers or the public at large, we really are pioneers in a sense.  We combat the "Jerry Springer" sensationalism by showing people one at a time we are just people too! Rather than putting our pants on one leg at a time, it might be panty hose!

We are a media of one. We didn't ask for it but it is a huge responsibility we should be greatful for.

Another Book Excerpt.

Ft. Knox in January was not conducive to either Jessie or I.

“Back in the day” basic training was an exercise in team building and endurance. Survival was the number one priority not fashion!

Survive we did and in reality, basic training was the last I would see of the real army. During this period of time Jessie was totally a figment of my imagination. Mentally though, she was as strong as ever. Sweet memories of smooth legs, silky stockings and lingerie intensified how much I missed the physical essence of Jessie. Adding insult to injury, my tour in Southeast Asia was in Thailand.  Thailand of course, is the home of some the most beautiful “lady boys” in the world. I could admire the art form but couldn’t participate!  I was not stationed in Bangkok so I didn’t get to see the best of the best but I do remember a “katoy” (boy/girl) who spent a lot of time outside the front gate at the base. He was tall and beautiful! We all were known to pick up a girl or two on occasion. It would have been difficult to pick him up discreetly but it could have been one of those life changing experiences. I never got to Katmandu (which was only a couple of hours from Thailand) and I never tried to pick the “katoy” up. The only two regrets I can remember!

The good part for Jessie during this time was her return was becoming a reality!

The tour in Thailand came and went and Germany became the next stop. Wedged in between was leave time at home plus a brief stop at a base in the states. Thirty days was plenty of time to let Jessie out and let her breathe some fresh air! Thirty days was also long enough to shave the legs for a week or so with “grow back” time.  I had the budget to treat her to a shopping trip and was in heaven the night she stepped out of the shadows once again. It was kind of like riding a bicycle. I was afraid she would be out of practice with the makeup and clothes but it all came as second nature for her. Just a small insight into how much she dominated my personality and how close to the surface she really was. The freshly shaved legs, the soft perfume, clothes and hair made me wonder what a “real girl” would feel in the same situation!

I knew what this girl felt. The night should go on forever!

Jewelry Fashionistas!

One of the malls in the area just opened a store called "Charming Charlies" Of course I had to check it out.  My window shopping indicated it was a wonderful store full of purses and jewelery and other accessories. I couldn't wait for it to open!
I was able to shop it yesterday and was not disappointed.  My only problem was I did not have enough money to buy of one many items.
Maybe you are lucky enough to have one these in your area. If not they have a web site http://www.charmingcharlie.com.
Check it out!

Right Place-Right Time-Right Mirror.

Returned home yesterday from an extended weekend mini trip and I had time to head out to my favorite Tuesday night spot. Cool!
Tossed on a predetermined outfit (often the best kind) and headed out the door . With me over thinking is over rated!
Arrived in time to get the last seat which I was grateful for until I could move to a "mirror seat". If you a "card carrying" TG girl, you know how important a mirror can be. You can check your appearance and see if anyone else is checking you. If you do it right.
All of it worked to perfection last night as a middle aged guy slid in beside me and ordered dinner. After he ate we struck up a lite conversation about where he was from, sports and his work.
The place was noisy, so we had to lean into each other to talk which he didn't seem to mind. There was no way to turn fully and talk face to face, so I could watch most of the interaction in the mirror in front of us. He was standing and I was sitting on a bar stool, so he was probably 6 to 8 " above me.
All I could see was a dark haired girl close to this guy leaning down ever so slightly to talk to her.
I was in heaven! Everything around me became a blur. I wished it could have lasted forever-but of course it didn't.
We went our separate ways.
He'll never know what a fun time it was! Hope it was for him too!

If I was a Boy.

I'm a little slow. I finally got around to listening to the "Beyonce" song "If I was a Boy".
The meaning is actually very simple. She would be a better man from her experiences as a woman.
Could we better women because of our experiences as a man?
We certainly could be!
If we understood that listening was a better solution to a problem than a quick fix.
If we learned that slower and smarter was better than a frontal attack?
If we learned a little from both of these, a man could be a better woman.
Many men never understand the workings of the female gender which leads to ignorance, distrust and sometimes violence.
What a shame. As some of us know who have been fortunate to have lived on both sides of the fence-what better humans we could make!
Her follow up song "If I was a Girl who was a Boy! What fun would that be!

Transgendered parade marshall Candis Cayne marches to her own drummer

Transgendered parade marshall Candis Cayne marches to her own drummer

I Got It!

I've always wondered about a major disconnect in guy self.
As I was working on another chapter of my book several nights ago, I stumbled upon a huge epiphany! (I love that word!)
As we all know, males are very visual critters. Especially when females are involved. Much to the dismay of the female you happened to be with.
As my eyes wondered to the attractive girl who walked within eyesight, I would normally get in trouble with the woman I was with for looking. "Sneak-a-peek" became a fun game. Until I got caught!
As my dual gendered personality became more evident, I wondered where the problem was.
I looked, but not with a sexual intent. Something was wrong!
The answer? My female side was looking at the women... as women do.
How good did the "B" look? What was she wearing? Did she look good in the clothes?
How would I look and WOW where did she get those shoes!
All those years being glared at by girlfriends and spouses! The excuse was so clear!
It's not me looking...it's her!