Trans Girl and the Biker

Image from Gijs Coolen
on UnSplash

Several times during my life I have encountered key experiences which involved a motorcycle.

The first was in Cleveland, Ohio and involved my second wife. At the time I was a very novice transvestite or cross dresser out for one of my first ventures in public. Since my wife and I had some time to waste, we decided to find a venue to have a drink in during the afternoon. Before the mixer began. as we sat at the bar a loud motorcycle rolled up almost completely in front of the door. His "bike" was impossible to miss. 

As it turned out, he and my wife began talking. It was the first time I really had ever noticed her flirting with another man when I had been around. Naturally, this time, dressed the way I was head to toe as a woman, I couldn't do anything about it anyhow. The worst part to me was, she seemed to enjoy watching my reaction. For the first time in my life, I was competing with another woman for the attention of the motorcycle guy. Her conversation went to the point when and if he offered her a ride and I wondered if she was going to accept. After keeping me in limbo for what seemed like forever, he did and she turned him down and stayed with her husband/girlfriend. She had made her point and moved on as I was left to wonder what could have happened had she left with him. Since she has long since passed away, I will never know.

The second experience came years later in a suburb of nearby Dayton, Ohio. In a certain venue I had become a regular in, I had been accepted into a small group of rather diverse acquaintances. One lesbian and four or five straight folks. One of them was a big bear of guy who rode a classic motorcycle and ran the lumber section of a nearby large home improvement store. Another of the "regulars" was an exotic beautiful hair dresser who danced on the side. It turned out within a fairly short amount of time, she decided to marry the big guy. I thought at the time, she wasn't the marrying type and I was right. It turned out their marriage lasted  approximately one week and it was over. To make matters worse, everyone in the group except for me seemed to not care about his feelings. Slowly but surely, we began to chat and formed a small bond.

As we did, the rest of the group as well as some others in the venue began to notice. I just felt he was hurt and needed a shoulder to lean on and it almost worked out to taking a ride on the back of his motorcycle. Which would have been my first ever. I would have/should have pursued it more except back in those days I was wearing a wig and all I could imagine was my wig flying off when I was riding. The ride never came and shortly there after, he was transferred out of town to another store. Leaving me with another "what if" moment. He was one of the few men I had ever formed a bond with and I missed him.

Whatever the case, he left and life moved on as it always does. The only other encounter with a cycle man came at a highway waffle place when I suddenly encountered a real life outlaw biker type eating his breakfast. He paid me no real attention as I tried not to notice him and nothing happened. 

To this day, this trans girl has never even been on a motorcycle at all. It's OK though, I have enough other habits to keep me occupied.

Her World...Her Rules

Wedding Picture. My daughter on left, Liz
beside me on right with her son.
From the Jessie Hart
Collection

As I gender transitioned into a whole new feminine world, I discovered many more rules than I ever thought possible.

When I first started, I thought if I concentrated on how I looked, the majority of my work would be behind me. After all, I could immediately pad my body with falsie breasts and hips, then throw on a wig and have the process of looking like a woman very much behind me. All I had to do then was perfect my makeup and wardrobe then hit the world as my new self. Immediately, the problem I ran into was taking my mirror or photo image and putting it into motion. At that point I learned I had accomplished the easy part of her rules and she was laughing at me. Along with my second wife, who in no uncertain terms tried to tell me I had so far to go. 

I did the best I could as I took every opportunity when I was alone to walk femininely and most importantly attempted to remember to exchange the old male scowl on my face with a more pleasant expression. I wanted to try to make myself more accessible to other women and not scare them away by having them think there was something wrong with me. 

No matter how hard I tried (and still do), I still had to concentrate on her rules for me. No matter how much I didn't like it, there was still a double standard in the world for women. The better I presented in the world, the more I encountered it. It seemed my feminine inner person was saying welcome to her world. As my explorations into the world at large increased dramatically, the more male privileges' I lost. Especially in the area of personal safety. After a while though, I was able to discover and be accepted by a small circle of friends who provided me with a natural safety net as well as with other feminine needs.

Finally I had enough and I decided to enter her world full time and play by all of her rules. And, I still do to this day. An example was this morning when I went with my wife Liz to her Doctor's appointment. Before I went I had to make sure I was freshly shaved and had applied a small amount of makeup. After I tied back my hair, the easy part was done. Once we arrived at the office, I needed to do my best to move the right way and smile to other women along the way. Nothing out of the ordinary happened so I must have been successful.

Perhaps learning communication skills with other women was the most important rule I ever learned. At the least, it was the scariest and time consuming rule to undertake. It was certainly worth the effort.  

  

Energy Shifts

Image from Max Bender
on UnSplash

Those of you (and us) who are fortunate enough to have lived for a period of time in the two binary genders (female and male) know there is a very definite energy shift between the two.

When you were forced to play the male game, if you wanted to be successful at all, you had to adjust to a game of frontal assaults. Often you needed to gain your energy through achieving goals in anything from sports to business. I know I had to play the game by doing my best to be excellent in my career choice, So I thought my friends and family would respect me more. It worked relatively well for me until I began to make the necessary adjustments I would need to move ever closer to learning how it would be to live as a transgender woman. If you are into labels, I was moving from being a part time cross dresser to being a fulltime transvestite all the way to accepting I was transgender. With each came a change in the energy I was experiencing with each. 

I equate the changes with having a similar success I had when I was cross dressing as a man. The more positives I experienced, the more I wanted to try. More importantly, everytime I was successful in the world as a woman, I was learning new levels of energy shifts.  The most important one was discovering women have just as strong (if not stronger) public energies as men. Initially I discovered the pressure of always being on stage. Not only were men looking at me critically, other women were also. The energy pressure was on to be able to blend in with the rest of the world as a transgender woman. 

Other pressures women face more than men are when they have to battle their own biological clocks. All of a sudden when they reach the age of thirty, many feel the pressure to have children and get married. When you think about it from the time women start puberty until they reach menopause isn't that long and not to mention women get to have psychical periods along the way too. Anyway you look at it, certainly the high maintenance gender. 

Even with all those gender energy variables, I enjoyed the MtF gender transition I went through. I never really enjoyed the frontal assault or confrontational existence I lived as a man. From my experiences I was able to adjust more completely and without much effort to the passive aggressive world of women. I just had to learn to guard my back from unexpected knives or claw marks from other women. My scars healed quickly and I was able to move on.

My cis-woman friends were able to protect me from most of the potential negative gender energy I was exposed to. As they did, I knew I had made the right choice in which gender energy I chose to finish my life.