Trans-Sisterhood

Image from Manuel Cosentino
on UnSplash

 It is a powerful feeling being a part of the transgender community, or, the chosen ones (which I will explain in a later post). Recently I had a great comment through the Medium writing platform.  It comes from fellow writer "PL James":

".I always find I beat a drum. This drum is about embracing my trans-ness. I did always want to be pretty and slight like a lissome girl, but I am not. I have had too much of life dominated by testosterone...but like you, I lost a ton of weight, and am super-happy about the results of diet and exercise...and can be happy that I am beautiful...not in a classic way, but in a unique and transgender way...and that is fine because we are different...and our own experiences as trans people make us a tribe of our own...and that is the tribe whose standards I wish to be measured by. Yours in "transterhood"

First of all, it's a pleasure to be a part of your "trans-sisterhood" and thanks for the comment. I so agree many of us in the trans community have adjusted to our own standards of beauty as we present ourselves to the world. Years ago, I was invited to participate in a photography project which focused in on the differences in women. Even though I was scared to death to do it, I hitched up my "big girl panties" and went forward with the project. I felt even though I was far from the prettiest woman in the collection, at the least I would have the chance to represent an entire different look at women. Even though I don't have the final picture to post, it was quite the experience and I was honored to be chosen for another unique once in a lifetime experience.

Another very relevant comment came from the same post from another Medium reader "Ann Williams":

"I was recently invited to participate in a women's group, by one of the leaders. I was very flattered, and I would certainly love to do it. But I won't, and this is why. Because I know that none of the women there will see me as a woman, they will necessarily see me as an interloper. My presence will change the energy of the space. They will not feel as uninhibited to be themselves. They will not feel safe.

If I didn't know this, things would be different; but I do. I don't see this as a matter of rights; I see it as a matter of courtesy and kindness. The last thing I want to do is turn a place where women feel safe to be women into a place where they have to put their guard up. That's thoughtless, selfish and unkind --at least, I would find myself to be so, if I ignored their feelings by invading their space.

The fact I believe I am a woman doesn't matter. The problem is they don't believe it. And I cannot disregard the effect my presence will have on their experience."

Thanks Ann for the wonderful comment and I can only say, my experiences with being invited to "women's only" spaces have only worked out for the best. Maybe I am spoiled but I have had so many cis-women embrace me in their spaces, I was shocked on the rare times it didn't happen. I was even embraced and learned what I needed to do to be a more complete version of my new rescued feminine self.

I dare say, being accepted into the "transgender-sisterhood" has been more problematic for me.

Thank You All!

Image courtesy Howie R
on UnSplash

First of all, I would like to thank all of you who checked in and commented on my post about going to my endocrinologist recently. One of many responses came from Joanne (Jo):

"I'm fortunate in that I can see the results of my hormone checks before because the lab sends them to me as well and so I usually get them several days before my appointments. It will be interesting to see if my T levels stay stable post-GCS now that I am no longer taking Cyproterone to block. They are slightly higher than before surgery, but very slightly and that the very bottom for the range for cis women. On the plus side, my cold tolerance has improved a touch.

Good luck on the check up!"

Thanks for the comment and yes the visit did go very well. So well in fact, she set my next visit for a year from now. I was seeing her every six months. Plus Jo brings up a point we don't discuss much in the Condo, the regimen required when a person is ready to undergo "GCS" which I assume meant gender change surgery. I am far from an expert since I don't plan on undertaking any serious gender realignment surgeries at this late stage of my life. As far as hormonal levels go, I also have been at the very bottom testosterone level for years now. So much so, I have cut back my dosage of Spiro in half. Spiro is another med prescribed to limit testosterone levels. 

Through all the comments, I would be remiss if I did not mention the input from those who could not undertake any hormone replacement therapy due to recent of reoccurring health problems. A few even indicated they had naturally high levels of estrogen in their body so HRT was not really needed. A wonderful predicament to be in if you don't have to ingest any extra medications into your body. 

To finish off the news concerning my "Endo", all went so well, she was able to access my recent blood lab results without a problem from the Veteran's Administration website I am a part of. The problem I used to have was I was actually seeing two VA clinics and or hospitals and my records kept getting mixed up. The problem was finally solved and I was ready to move on.

Since I have entered the senior citizen part of my life, I realize the greatest gift you can receive is the gift of health. The gift of health is followed closely by having a loving spouse and or family member. I am so fortunate to have both. My daughter is completely accepting of my status as a transgender woman as is my recently married wife who I have known for over eleven years now. 

Plus, while I am on the subject of thankfulness, I need to thank all of you who read my writings on one of the two platforms I write on. Either "Google Blogger" or the paid "Medium" site which costs the reader fifty dollars a year for unlimited access to content. I don't thank all of you enough. Your comments and participation of any sort make the process so worth it. Thanks again!

A World Class Observer

 

Image from the Jessie 
Hart Collection

For years and years I needed to be satisfied with merely observing the women around me hoping to see clues on how the women dressed and interacted in the world, among other things. All along, I thought I was doing the best I could in my observation  techniques without coming off as creepy. 

All along, I was doing all the easy things right. I noticed fashion trends and also observed which women seemed to have conquered the fashion world correctly. Some of whom managed to take fashion to an art form. As hard as I tried, I was unable to go any farther than being a more than casual observer of everything feminine. I was always stopped at the door by gate keepers who wouldn't let me into the inner sanctum of what being a woman was really about. While I was stuck on the outside looking in, I needed to sit back and concentrate the best I could on clothing and makeup. So at least I was doing something positive. Or so I felt. 

As the years went by, I worked hard to perfect my feminine image. My peak of acceptance was the night I was refused admission to a transvestite mixer in New York because I was a "real" woman. The experience was all well and good until my second wife and I became embroiled in a huge fight about it. To make a long story short my still strong male ego got the best of me in a fight and I told my wife what had happened. At that point she told me I made a terrible woman. I was deeply defeated at that point when she backed off and said she wasn't talking about my appearance, she was talking about my inner knowledge of what a woman went through in life. From that point forward my life changed as I knew I needed to discover what she was talking about. 

The path I chose was very difficult and little did I know I would spend the next decade (at least) to learn what she meant. The biggest problem I found was I was automatically excluded from entering the inner workings of how women actually communicated and interacted with each other. Even though I worked in a woman dominated industry, the basics I learned such as the dominance of women in cliques and the passive aggressive nature of such cliques was new to me. In fact, it wasn't until after I began to transition in earnest into being a full fledged transgender woman did I understand totally the basics of how women communicated without men. Quickly I learned how feminine conversations could be built on silence with just a look of the eye. I needed to toss aside the old male patterns such as full frontal attacks when life came to confrontations and aggression. 

Naturally the more time I spent in the world as a transgender woman, the more I became a world class observer of cis women everywhere. In order to survive and make myself into a better person, I needed to step aside from all my old male ways and accept the direction my dominant inner feminine self was taking me. After all, she had spent years waiting for her chance to shine. As I always write about , I was fortunate to have strong cis-woman friends and role models to help me along. They embraced me when so many others wouldn't. My observation techniques with them most certainly became world class because they allowed them to happen. I finally was learning what my wife told me concerning making a terrible woman. I found out the hard way what a terrible woman was and made sure I didn't make that mistake again.