Monday, March 6, 2023

"Trippin" Trans Style

Photo from Eduardo Soares
on UnSplash

To escape the Sunday shopping crowd at our local super sized grocery store, my wife Liz and I decided to get an early start. For the occasion I decided to just pull my long hair back, get a close shave, add some moisturizer, eye makeup and lipstick and went for it. Jeans, tennis shoes and a fleece finished off my shopping outfit. 

I suppose it is a good thing when I can be so mundane and seemingly invisible in public as a transgender woman. No one gave me an extra glance, not even the woman who took our order for  coffee in the in store coffee shop. I was allowed to push the cart which serves as sort of a walker so I could survive the long walk around the store. All due to my sore back. So it was good to relax the best I could while Liz did the serious shopping. 

For a short time at least, all the worry of being harassed because I am a transgender woman faded into the background and I was just living my life just like any other human being. The threat of not being able to do so is becoming very real because right across the river, the state of Kentucky is on the verge of passing another very strict anti transgender bill. I have several transgender friends on social media from Northern Kentucky who are rightfully ultra concerned. Once the LGBT dominoes start to fall, who will step up to stop them. 

Perhaps now, more than even before it is up to we transgender women and trans men to strive even more to blend in with the remainder of society. I also am of the opinion now is the time for anyone, even cross dressers in the closet, should be ultra aware who they are voting for. Because in the future, you could be the one who needs to go "trippin" trans style. Rest assured if the Republicans are making drag queens an issue, you could be next. Closets are destined to become darker and darker unless we unite to fight for our rights. 

These days, I don't get out much anymore and mainly when I do, I run into a sour lady at the pharmacy who glares at me everytime she sees me. I can never tell if she is reacting negatively to me or the world at large because she is miserable. Because as I was told years ago by my second wife, it wasn't all about me. We all know though during our times as novice transgender women or cross dressers, it is all about us. As we try to navigate the new gender path we have chosen on the road to our authentic selves the entire process is very intense. 

Now that we are starting here at home to actually go the grocery again away from having groceries delivered. Which just became too expensive, I can look forward to getting out another day each week. More "trippin" for this transgender woman is in my future. 

 

Sunday, March 5, 2023

Stay Safe out There

Photo from the 
Jessie Hart Archives

 These days it seems, with all the Republican anti LGBT bills which are mainly directed towards transgender women and trans men, it's increasingly difficult to relax in public. Who knows when the next shoe will fall and another person will confront you about living as your authentic self.  Sadly, in today's society people are less into minding their own business and more into minding yours.

All of this creates the extra gender pressure I previously mentioned. Through it all, the ability to present yourself authentically becomes extra important. Sadly for some of us cis-women are seemingly not so into taking advantage of what nature gave them. If I was going to go out and run errands right now, I'm sure I would see almost no women who took the time to wear any makeup and dress up at all. The real dilemma for transgender women is to look feminine without really trying. It is certainly a product of having to try harder than the average cis-woman to be accepted.  All ready there are stories surfacing about cis-women being rejected from using the woman's room by over zealous gender bigots. 

Rest rooms of course produce a unique challenge to the average transgender woman. Unless you live in the rare state or area which you are protected by law to use the restroom of your choice, it pays dividends to pay extra attention to your surroundings and be careful to use common sense women's room etiquette. Examples are many but a few of the most important ones are to sit when you pee (look at the seat first) always stop to wash your hands, don't be afraid to make eye contact with other women and don't put your purse on the floor. Perhaps the most important point to remember is to have the confidence to use the rest room of your choice.

It hasn't always been easy for me during my transition to use the women's room. Years ago I had the police called on me as well as other harrowing experiences. The scariest experience came when my wife Liz and I were on a tour bus trip from our native Ohio to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The bus made regular rest stops which were bad enough but the one at the border of Mississippi/Alabama was the worst. First of all, I had to wait in a line of women just to pee which I did. When I finished and opened the stall door I came face to face with two hostile looking women glaring at me. I hurriedly excused myself and went to wash my hands and got out of there. It took me a half hour on the bus to finally relax. I half expected a highway patrolman to pull the bus over and seek me out but it never happened. 

Of course, perhaps the major loss of male privilege we experience when we transition away from the "men's club" is personal safety. Growing up we never had the chance to learn what other cis-women are raised to know. Some men are predators and need to be steered clear of. As a male I learned how to not exist with toxic males by being the better guy no matter how hard that was. By bigger I mean the times I had to "puff" myself up to ward off any unwanted angry advances. It was a real gender upbringing when all of that was stripped away and one night I learned the hard way how a man can trap a woman and force himself on her. Nothing happened when my wife walked in except learning a valuable lesson concerning my new life. It could have been much worse. 

These days, more and more cis women face the same pressures we trans women do when it comes to their personal safety. It's important we all keep our heads on a swivel to stay safe when we go out in public. Stay safe out there.

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Vocal Transgender Presentations

Photo from the Jessie
Hart Archives.

 As  most of you know, I am a transgender veteran. This morning I went to the Veterans Administration local clinic to have them take blood for my latest upcoming appointments. Not so long ago, at the same clinic  I seemingly always faced someone who would mis-gender me. I was always infuriated and dejected for two reasons. The first of which I was not presenting well enough as a woman to get by and/or why should it all be on me and my transgender status to be accepted. It became up to the VA. 

I said exactly that to anyone who would listen at the VA. At least in the clinic I go to someone seemingly listened because the clinic has not mis-gendered me once in the last couple of times I have been there. Plus, others in the system have taken the pronoun usage such as "Sir" out of their vocabulary all together. 

Furthermore, this morning my voice once again had a chance to play a bigger role in my presentation because the clinic is still requiring facial masks to get in and be looked at. So, it was up to my voice to carry the day since most of my face was covered up. As far as my voice is concerned, I feel at it's best, it's borderline feminine. In my past I have taken vocal lessons to improve my voices feminine qualities and I do my best to remember what I was taught. It was an easy fix this morning because my technician was so chatty to begin with and started out the conversation with the proper pronouns. I didn't have to do anything but give my blood for the lab tests and I was free to use the exit through the waiting room so everyone could look at me. 

This morning, no one barely raised their head to look at me which is a good thing. So I removed my mask and headed back out to my car through the heavy rain we have been having. But...

Overall I still need to work harder on my voice. One of these days I am going to have to gather my courage to talk to my wife Liz about what she thinks about it. I look at the whole vocal process as putting on the finishing touches to any feminine gender presentation. It's a shame when we transgender women work so hard on our appearance from head to toe, to have it all destroyed when we open our mouths. I know there are many inexpensive tutorials around on line to improve vocal presentations. Many have to do with inflection and how you form your voice in your upper body. My training came through the VA and was very helpful in a short period. 

As with seemingly anything else these days, there are ways around any problem on the internet. I will probably seek out more help when and if I begin interacting with the public more. It's called having your voice and using it too.

A Complex Day

  JJ Hart. (right) Mother's Day  last night. Liz on left. Another Mother's Day is here and as always, it presents me with many compl...