Feminine Socialization 201

 Essentially this is a continuation of my recent post describing portions of my early feminine socialization. Included  in the post, I wrote about almost being included in a bachelorette party get together. I say almost because I was briefly invited then heard nothing more about it. I didn't give it much more thought because the marriage only lasted approximately one week. 

The entire situation started when I expanded where I was going to socialize, or try to. If it sounds as if I was doing quite a bit of drinking during this period of my life, it was because I was. It is important to note I rarely drink alcohol at all now. Back then though I used it as a crutch in numerous ways. When I drank I was braver to go and try to socialize with others. To basically dive into the girls sandbox and see what happened. 

What happened was I found I was accepted into a small group of acquaintances who were socially interesting. Especially the exotic sister of one of the bartenders. She was truly exotic in that she was a dancer as well as being a hair stylist. This was in addition to her being a well tattooed dark haired beauty. To say I was envious is an understatement. She always threatened to work on my hair but I wasn't sure how that would work back in those days when I was wearing a wig. It turned out it never really mattered. The rest of the group included me (the transgender woman) a lesbian, the bartender and her husband as well as others who drifted in and out. 

How I looked back then.

Very quickly it seemed our little group of acquaintances who gathered in the venue for drinks grew. Included in the group was a big teddy bear of a man who worked in a local lumber yard  and rode a classic Indian motorcycle. He fell in love with the exotic one and they decided to get married at the spur of the moment. Ironically, I think most of the group thought it was the wrong move to make. I know I did.

We all were right because the marriage only lasted one week. After it was over, it turned out my feminine socialization was to take another turn into new territory. I was becoming attracted to a man who was paying some sort of attention to me. It all started when the marriage had dissolved. The poor guy still kept coming into the venue and I thought was treated rather poorly by most of the group. I felt sorry for him and let him know. By knowing both of them the short time I did, I didn't think the two were a match made in heaven. 

At any rate the group began to go in separate directions but I kept coming in the venue as did he. Surprisingly to me, he chose to sit next to me at the bar and all of the sudden I had the ultimate validation of a novice transgender woman...a man at my side. Especially a bearded one who rode a motorcycle. I always fantasized about how it would be to ride with him but never got the chance. Very quickly he took another job and moved away from the area.  

What did I learn? Even though I was having a difficult time being attracted to male companionship, I proved it wasn't totally out of the question. Also knowing the lesbian in the group was my introduction into knowing anyone who identified as a cis gay female. 

Most importantly I gained another level of confidence. I found I could socialize with a diverse group of other people.

I had graduated to another level of life on my transgender path and it was looking more and more as if there was no turning back.    

Feminine Socialization

Over the years I have mentioned all the obstacles I had to overcome on my path to becoming a full time transgender woman.  Many don't realize just because they were born a certain gender, the path towards becoming a woman or a man often is not assured. For transgender woman and men the path is infinitely more difficult because we have to tear down one life and start all over.

I have mentioned the losses of male privilege, gender communication as well as appearance in my transition. One thing I have left out was socialization. For me, becoming socialized or as I call it, being allowed to play in the girls sandbox was key to being able to live a feminine life. Overall it was a gradual process.  

What really aided me in the process was when I was invited along on several girl's night outs. The first was relatively easy as it was a Halloween party. I also had the benefit of having one of the other attendees go along who was every bit as big as I was. So, even with my attempt at a sexy outfit and big hair, she was right there competing with me. I am happy to say it was a friendly competition and was even more fun when we went to a straight tavern  for the party. It turned out the place was owned by Liz's (my partner) boss. I didn't know what to expect but had very little anxiety since after all  it was Halloween. Ironically I was asked by one woman if my big hair was my own. On the other hand, the evening still didn't provide the real feeling of a girl's night out.

My second and third tries at feminine socialization did. 

The second time I was invited along to a girl's only birthday party at a local restaurant. I did experience some anxiety before going. Of course I had to figure out what I was going to wear so I blended in with the other women which didn't turn out to be much of a problem. More importantly I had to figure out what I was going to say along the way. I was afraid just to sit there and not try to communicate at all would portray me as some sort of a bitch. The last thing I wanted to do. It turned out I didn't have much to fear as the conversation flowed smoothly enough  and I added in when I could. Only one of the other woman seemed to hold it against me that I was transgender. I figured one out of six wasn't bad. I ended up having a good time and made sure I expressed my appreciation to the person who invited me. 

It turned out my first invitation out with the girls shortly led to another in the form of cookout. I have added a picture to your left of the evening. I am in the bottom row, left hand side.

Not shown were the two or three men who showed up who had very little to do with me. Fortunately, several of the other women did and I had a good time. The lesson I learned was there was no huge mystique women go through when there are very few men are around. They do have a tendency however to talk more about family than men do. No surprises. 

Along the way, I did miss out on going to a bachelorette party I was "sort of" invited to, then not. Truthfully I don't know if it happened or not since the marriage only lasted one week. Which is another experience for another time.

The last meaningful girls night out I was invited to came several years later. I had became a regular at a couple large venues which served food and adult beverages. One of them was having a small get together with a few servers and bartenders at another nearby venue. Surprisingly I was invited along. This led me to quite a bit of anxiety since I needed to step up my feminine game. The other women were all younger and more attractive than I could ever hope to be. I went along I tried my best. I wore my long black skirt with the deep slit, black tank top and long dark wig. As it turned out, nothing seemed to matter. We naturally walked in together and no one seemed to notice me at all and I was especially not noticed by any of the guys who were trying to come on to the much younger and prettier group I was with. 

Over all I am just thankful for the women who invited me along to play in the sandbox. It did so much for my feminine socialization.

The Funniest Transgender Mean Girl

 

If you don’t have Peacock, there’s a good chance you’ve missed out on one of the best high school shows on TV right now: Saved by the Bell.

The reboot of the classic teen sitcom not only features most of the original cast, now as adults, but has a great cast of young actors playing current Bayside High students. One of those is Josie Totah, a young actress you might recognize from the film Moxie or Big Mouth. She plays Lexi, a popular girl and cheerleader at the school who is also trans.

Totah’s character is easily the funniest on the show, which is filled with hilarious characters and young actors. The series really knows how to balance her bitchy, mean-girl attitude and privilege with hilariously self-aware trans jokes.

Another highlight of the show is Lexi’s relationship with her boyfriend Jamie (the son of original Saved by the Bell character Jessie Spano). The two have been best friends since childhood, and Lexi regularly has to face her insecurities about the relationship.

The new season is currently streaming on Peacock.