Trash in - Trash Out

 By now you all should know how I feel about "Benedict Donald" tRump. From his election day on, I watched in desperation as he tried to destroy at the least the transgender community and at the worst our country as a whole. 

I can only share this screen shot taken from the "Tony Burgess Blog" and CNN which shares my shame and horror. It's what happens when a masterplan to dumb down the country by neglecting it's educational system and then lie continually to it by right wing media outlets. All of a sudden, being conservative in the country became the same as being a tRump supporter. Which isn't fair or good for the health of the political system.  

I'm not here to write another political post but I'm am here to say the shame of yesterday can not happen again.

The Past can Haunt You

 This morning as I was going through all my social media seeking topics to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I stumbled upon a transgender woman seeking any help she could find. Her problem was years ago she went to a therapist who used the Kinsey report to treat patients with gender dysphoria.

I know I am going to over simplify this but let me explain why I will. To make a long story short, the transgender woman seeking guidance was told to lead a "dual" existence because she looked too much like a guy. You know the old story, big stature, big bones...blah, blah blah. So the person in question decided the therapist was right and set about to live an ill fated dual gender existence.

I feel so deeply about this subject because I went down the same road with an early therapist I paid my hard earned money to see. He essentially brushed me off with the "man up" and get over it answer. Of course that didn't work and ultimately led me down the path to self harm. I realized quite early I was cursed with testosterone poisoning and processed the stereotypical male characteristics mentioned above. I just did my best to find women's clothes which helped me to disguise my male body and mold it femininely the best I could. I guess you could say I was obsessed.   

Fortunately, these days, times have changed and there are more and more therapists who have knowledge and understanding of what gender dysphoria means and how it impacts a transgender person.  

I'm not sure either how effective therapy is on communicating how little appearance has to do with actually living a feminine life. In many cases hormone replacement therapy, along with a basic knowledge of makeup can get you by in the world. Or farther. I can use Venessa as an example and can vouch for her appearance. I have had the opportunity to see it all.

Remember too, we transgender women suffer from societies view of women as a whole. The pressure to be attractive is intense. Cis women learn from an early age to work with what they have. Transgender women have to learn quickly without much help. Which is a topic for another post. 

In the meantime, if you underwent therapy years ago and are still trying to live within it's unrealistic goals. It could be time to try it again and get out from under the past. 

The Women in the Band...Part Two

 Recently, I wrote a Cyrsti's Condo post concerning a Connie comment about women in music and I asked about her perception of any kind of a future. In the live music industry that is. 

Here is her response:

"I feel for musicians who had been trying to make a living from their music before Covid. Typically, most musicians don't even earn minimum wage for the set-up and tear-down of their equipment, let alone their performance (after countless hours of rehearsal). This being New Year's Eve, when it may have been possible to play a gig for a decent paycheck, it's even more depressing. I never have given up on my music, and I will always consider myself a musician, whether I ever perform on stage again or not.

As a nearly-seventy-year-old transgender woman, I see very few opportunities for me to perform after this pandemic is over. I will probably only ever be able to sit in with other musicians for a few numbers, sign up for "jam nights," or (ugh) sing Karaoke. Those are what I had been doing for the last couple of years before everything shut down. I fear that even those opportunities will be limited after those venues who will have survived the long shutdown can begin to reopen and start recouping losses. If they had little money to pay musicians in the past, they will have much less of it in the near future.

My band mates were correct in claiming I was a "novelty." I understand how I can be perceived that way, even though I try very hard to show I am not. I don't do a drag act, but it can be difficult enough to change that perception from the get-go. I think the best I can hope for now is that I'm seen as a slightly washed-up lounge singer, using the piano as much to prop myself up as for musical accompaniment. Having given up on any notion of "making it," I picture myself singing the last lines of the Billy Strayhorn song, "Lush Life.":

Romance is mush,
Stifling those who strive.
I'll live a lush life,
In some small dive.

And there I'll be,
While I rot with the rest,
Of those whose lives are lonely, too.

On that note, have a Happy New Year! ;-0"

Happy New Years! Thanks for the comment.