You Might be a Crossdresser If...

Tonight is the larger of my two cross dresser - transgender- LGBTQ support groups. I added the extra "Q" because lately, we have seen several more questioning individuals. At the least, they add quite a bit more interest to the groups.

Of interest, in the group tonight is the person who is a fetish cross dresser. He finally has cleared divorce proceedings and is deciding his sexuality may not be as specific as he once thought. Which is completely fine with me. He is the one who always proudly proclaimed he had to be a cross dresser because he is only into women. Now it seems, he "could" be into a guy if he was forced to cross dress in front of him. Again, nothing so rare about any of that.

Divine

What I think is slightly humorous is he thinks he is so ugly as a man, or woman. He finally is posting some pictures and in them he looks quite a bit like Divine out of drag.

If he comes tonight, I am thinking of bringing it up to him. At the least I can try to tell him to take the "drag queen effect" away from Divine and zero in on the fact they have basically the same rounded facial features.

At the least, it should be interesting and I will let you know how it goes.

John or Joan Q Public

I was out and about in several busy stores and a restaurant today.

Initially I was surprised by a couple of smiles I received by a couple women and one man while we were shopping at the grocery store we visit regularly. Exchanging smiles with cis women isn't so unusual because women are allowed to greet each other without knowing one another. The man, on the other hand was intriguing, because I normally don't get much response from my old gender.

Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary happened, even with the few kids I ran into.

As far as the restaurant went, I have been there several times before and tip really well, so we got the same server and she remembered us. During this food venue visit  I had to use the rest room and my potty PTSD kicked in. Nothing happened though, as I walked right by two servers and went into the women's room. My only worry was a big "red neck" looking very non personable manager who was "running the place. Again, no problems.

No body screamed "Hey! that's a man in the women's room." Actually, that hasn't happened to me in a long time. You would think, I would be working my way through it. But I haven't.

So, all in all, I had a fun day in the public's eye. Now, if I knew what that guy was thinking...

Rest in Peace

Last week, we lost two celebrities to suicide. Kate Spade of the hand bag fame and famous chef Anthony Bourdain. I was never in the financial position to purchase a "Kate Spade" bag, but, especially after my career in the restaurant business, I loved Bourdain. To the point of reading one of his books.

Kate Spade

Needless to say, I was in shock, then again not so much.

Anthony Bourdain

I have my own suicidal demons which are addressed with my therapist when they get too loud. Sufficient to say, my demons will be brought up this Tuesday during my next therapist visit. I am betting I will have to bring up the fact I am entranced not so much of the whys of their suicides (which I understand) but of the hows. The problem is I have learned to cover for my demons over the years.

Some even assume since I have been able to Mtf gender transition, it is all I live for.

Naturally, suicide is a very personal and complex issue and it is easier for me to write about it than speak to anyone about it. Plus, I know I have almost instantaneous access to various suicide hotlines. Including a Trans Vet Hot Line.

Also, in a sense, I suffer from going through three very personal suicides when I was younger, so I know the cost involved to the ones you leave behind. The guilt just builds.

Finally, thanks to all for reading my vent. I am OK and it means a lot I can write about something this personal.