Trans Dar?

Our Friday night out came and went without any world beating changes.

The only points of interest came when another of the transgender women took it upon herself to critique my appearance from the support group to last night's "social" night out. Obviously, it was unsolicited. I was good and didn't ask if that was the only dress she had, since she has worn it the last three times I saw her. Sometimes it isn't so much fun being good!

Picture from my first "cis girls" out night.

Also of interest was the tall blond woman who walked in in the low cut dress. My trans-dar was immediately set off... but if she was trans, she had a wonderful singing voice singing karaoke. Liz though, noticed her very big hands, and was strongly thinking she was.

There was one potentially transphobic comment when one of our transgender members got up to sing and someone yelled "Show us what you got!"  What a jerk!!!

Other than those three happenings, the night was very enjoyable!

Another Day of Errands?

Yes, very much so. Today I usually go to Liz's karate class and from there, we normally stop two or three places to shop for necessities.

This is the spot I need to mention Paula Goodwin's comment about becoming the woman I was destined to become, not who I look like. Becoming an everyday woman has become a distinct reality for me for some time now.

That is not to say, I don't have my fun getting dressed up on occasion but now it is such a small part of me. The bigger part (as we approach the Transgender Day of Visibility around here) is making sure I present femininely correctly to the civilian community. Now particularly is not the time to be a bitch un-needlessly.

How do I do this? For one I dress to blend and wear a smile as my number one accessory. My problem is it's been so long since I have encountered any problems at all, I have to work to always keep up a semblance of a guard  So, as Mtf transitions go, I am still thinking I am on the path to stealth without ever thinking about it. Then again, I think I have such a long way to go with my voice and mannerisms, there is no way I will ever be able to go totally stealth.

Plus, there is the ever present paranoia of what will happen if I ever have to go into a nursing home. A long way (I hope) from worrying what I am going to wear to the grocery store and if  I should wear my hair back or not.

Decisions...decisions.

Building Walls

It turns out, we received quite a bit of quality mail concerning our Cyrsti's Condo post about the walls we have to climb as we transition as transgender women and trans men.

The first from Marcia:

"MarciaMarch 1, 2018 at 1:42 PM

Wish I lived close to you (I don't-I live in Portland, OR). I think this is a great topic-especially the walls part. Have you considered taping your presentation and making it available via You Tube or the like?"

That is a great idea! In fact, I have been considering adding a pod cast to the blog for a long time and most certainly I think Liz could tape the workshop. Thanks!

And, a unique look from Connie:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 1, 2018 at 5:00 PM

Your mention of levels and walls reminds me of my daughter's mastery, a number of years ago, of the Mario Brothers video game. I remember so well how I spent all night trying to figure the game out before giving her the Nintendo, thinking I would certainly need to show her how to play the game Christmas morning. Of course, while it took me all night to figure how to get through the first level, she was through the third level before the day was over. I was the one who learned from her that some walls need to be jumped, some crashed through, and some climbed. Between the walls are things you must learn to avoid, as well as others you can use to your advantage to take you to the next level.

My twisted mind makes parody of things, usually through analogy and metaphor. I re-imagined the game as "Mario Sisters," with the object of the game being the transition to finally becoming the Princess, rather than saving her. Revisiting that idea, now, has me thinking that my own becoming of the princess was, at the same time, saving myself."

I love it! Thanks :)

Finally, from Paula Goodwin:
"Paula GoodwinMarch 2, 2018 at 10:18 AM

This sounds like a very interesting idea, I would certainly be interested in hearing your thoughts on Walls, so next time you are in London.......

Thinking about my own transition it has certainly gone in stages as I negotiate individual walls. I have tried to only think about the next decision ~ or to negotiate the wall in front of me. i.e. "am I trans or do I just like dressing up?" "Should I go full time?" "How do I tell people?", once all that was in the past and I was starting to live my own life I then had to work out what sort of a woman I am, more than what I want to wear! Then I would start to think about should I go on HRT; now I have to decide about GRS!

I think for many of us there is an idea that just doing that one thing will solve all our problems, whether that one thing involves surgery, drugs, or clothing; and the answer is usually that it doesn't! We do that one thing and then hit the wall, we can look forward so much to climbing over that wall, that it is all we can focus on, then when we get to the other side we find that not everything is solved, we still have issues to deal with, not all our problems are solved.

I remember seeing a video during my Disability Awareness training, "Will the real Glynn Vernon Stand up!" Glynn Vernon was at the time vice-chair of Scope he had sever Cerebral Palsy was a wheel chair user and used an interpreter to communicate. He started his video with the line
"My name's Glynn Vernon, I have two problems, not enough money and not enough sex""

I love the part about working out what "sort of woman" I am...much more than what I wear! And yes Paula, I would love to make it to London some day. Almost made it when I was in the Army, but the tour was cancelled due to an IRA bombing (dammit!)

I think I will use the "love" word once again to describe how much these comments meant to me!