Friday, February 2, 2018

The "Dating Pool"

I think it is so terrible we transgender women aren't given a fair shake when it comes to dating. After all, we have so much more to offer the typical cis man. I know years ago I could come up with a number of points, but as my memory serves me today, I can only come up with a couple of the most major ones.

Most importantly, I think, trans women like to be more traditional than cis women do these days. Plus transgender women have a tendency to have a deeper appreciation of the same subjects as men like.

For example, back in the day, I was very enamoured with a big teddy bear of a guy who rode a very nice classic "Indian" motorcycle. As I look back, if I was able to have grown out my hair, I may have tried to flirt my way into a ride. As it was though, I was able to understand on a deeper level, his feelings for his motorcycle. As destiny would have it, he got transferred to a different location and I never saw him again.

Along the way, I did have a couple other men who I went out with whom I really liked. Again, they weren't local and moved away. From then on, cis women were the answer for me and the men I continued to encounter were less than stable.

Let's check in with Paula Goodwin for her ideas:

"Sound advise, I suspect that most of us have found ourselves in "unfortunate" situations my few attempts at dating led me to the conclusion that I was fishing in a very limited gene pool; and that all the men (with one exception, but he turned out not to be available) I met were creeps only after one thing. Strangely the longer I am on HRT the less that matters,~~~ but I would like some male companionship."
And, from Connie:
"I think that the dating process may be the same in one way, although it is made different by the type of "suitors" a trans girl may be more apt to attract. We can go around declaring that gender is between the ears and sex is between the legs all day, but the truth is that, for men especially, there is an awful lot of sex going on between the ears, too. As trans women, we are seen to be attractive by others whose minds may be swirling with ideas of sex much different than our own. 
I may be old-fashioned, and even a bit of a prude, but I am not naive. I'll admit to allowing a man to go too far with his advances toward me - to the point, I imagine, he thought he had been given permission by me to use me any way he wished. I was a young 50-something trans woman at the time; not really young, but new at being an out trans woman. I was flattered by the attention, but I had no interest in a sexual encounter with this man, or any man. 
The privilege any woman should have is to have NO taken for an answer, but this can definitely not be an assumption. Whatever her reason for wanting to end the pursuit of her, a woman should be prepared to make her NO be clear and final. Before doing so may require physical means or the defensive tactics of pepper spray, though, a woman needs to learn to read the signs beforehand. A trans woman also needs to learn a few other signs than does a cis woman, I believe."
Thanks to both of you for your ideas!

Scratching the Surface

Under the facade I carry around with me daily, comes the worry someone, someday will "bust my bubble" and ruin it all.

Probably though, what is more likely to happen is someone will want to question me about being transgender. Although, it hasn't happened for years. I suppose my insecurities go back to all the days when I was cross dressing and the comments I received. Most because I deserved it for some ill conceived outfit the mirror told me was lovely.

Along the way, as I acquired my own sense of being and style, I did settle into a basic confidence which allowed me to navigate the feminine world.

I really wonder what would happen some time if I do run into a smart arse comment. I wonder if I could be as quick as Connie's retort (in the last Cyrsti's Condo post...Take That Bitches).

And, I'm not the only one. Check out this comment from Tanit:

"All I can say about this jaw-dropping story is that I would DIE if those idiots did that to me. I would never associate with them in ANY way, shape or form after that since I am not a person that could ever get over a "prank" of this caliber. OMG - the thoughtlessness of it! Good on you for taking it like a "man" though, I couldn't... Hugs,

Tanit"
Thanks for the comment Tanit. I have been known to be more than a bit cynical during my life but I would hope (from the amont of time I have known her) Connie and I are mainly on the same page...no pun intended. I wouldn't want to instigate a verbal sparring with her.
Or more precisely, it wouldn't happen because we are on the same level of transition. I don't mean that negatively. As all of you probably know, as you go through life, trans or not, there are different things that bother you. Take my hair for example. I know my long hair is very age inappropriate for a woman of my age. But I know I have waited all my life to grow it and I was fortunate it did to the extent which has happened. Plus, I feel in the absence of a real high quality wig, growing out my own hair was the one biggest step for me personally being able to negotiate the feminine world. 
In the meantime, we all have our transgender crutches to carry around, and sometimes they get quite heavy. 

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Take That!...Bitches!

From Connie, concerning rest room usage and a fun story:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 30, 2018 at 1:16 PM
The transgender/cross dresser group here in Seattle has bylaws that must be agreed to in order to join. The largest section of those bylaws is dedicated to proper ladies room behavior. I can only imagine this to be so because of specific incidents that had occurred over time. The fact that these rules are so specific in regard to "no brainer" behaviors has always been disturbing to me. I also imagine that alcohol was a factor in many of these incidents, but that certainly does not excuse them. Bylaws often don't mean a thing to one who is pumped up with alcohol, however.

The first time I went out with this group (about ten years ago) was also the first time I'd ever gone into any public establishment. My reluctance to use the ladies room for the first time had me reluctant to use it along with anyone else, as well (including, if not especially, anyone in the group I was with). While I was sitting safely in the stall, one of the members bought off a female server to walk into the ladies room and yell out, "Hey, there's a man in the ladies room!" I recognized it immediately as a prank, and I re-entered the main room with my head held high and walked confidently back to the table. Of course, the group was laughing and applauding, but I did not let it phase me. As I took my seat, I said, "I knew that there were no men in the ladies room because none of you were with me there."

Bullying can come from even the most unexpected people. I wrote this off as a sophomoric initiation prank to a "sorority" that I quickly learned I did not want to belong. Not only did I not want to belong, I simply did not belong at all. If nothing else, that experience confirmed what I had begun to understand about myself - that I was not merely a man in a dress.

I could have qualified that last statement with "not that there is anything wrong with that." Sometimes there is something wrong with that, however. Bad behavior has nothing to do with gender identity in any form."
I too really don't like the "team potty" effort, unless it is with Liz in a situation which I consider to be "iffy"! Otherwise I will "do it" on my own. Thanks for the comment.

Vacation Post

  Image from Johannis Keys on UnSplash. The day finally is here before my wife Liz, and I depart for our long-awaited journey to the Florida...