Sex Versus Gender-a Debate?

No, we all should know there is no debate. Put very simply sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears.

This post is part of a conversation Connie and I had concerning having a "brand new shiny vagina" at her age and what would she do with it? I gave her a partial pro/con answer using a woman in one of my support groups who is actually older than me who is going through (or has just) had SRS.

She considers it a life long culmination to a transgender struggle. Now and only now she can proudly claim "woman" hear me roar. (Sorry Helen Reddy.) In the same breath though she was telling me how her sister would kick her out of the house after SRS.

Of course only each of us can answer the separation of sex and gender we all experience and how far we are willing to go to achieve it.

For example, I live with a woman who would have no problems with me having a vagina because she has always seen me between the ears as a transgender woman. On the other hand, my deceased wife never would have.

Should the trans woman going through SRS only to join many of her transgender sisters on the street, do it and why?

And, where does sex enter back into it either way? Unless you had a hell of a sex drive as a man, estrogen/spiro does a pretty effective job of chemical castration. Plus as a woman, I can't see myself settling down any time soon with an elderly gentleman in the suburbs. Imagine being brought home to meet the the family on Thanksgiving? Either way, my idea of wild passionate sex is somewhere -lost in my dashboard lights (Sorry Meatloaf.)

Like almost everything else a trans person goes through in life, sex versus gender hassle is yet another which seemingly never goes away.

Now, if at least we could get a majority of the public to understand we are not just gay or playing dress up.

What's Next and Why?

Sometime ago at one of the transgender veteran support groups I go to, I found it interesting in the amount of push back I received when I mentioned my desire for a breast job. Specifically from one member who is 68 and going under the knife for a full blown sexual genitalia reassignment surgery. She could barely pee straight telling us all about it (and may not be able to afterwards.)

Good for her. I am glad she could achieve her life's goals and tell her detractors that once and for all she was a woman, including between the legs. I have said it many times though, there is so much more into "becoming a woman" than surgery. Somehow I don't think all the knives in the world can add or subtract the little extra which comes with being a "woman." It is my belief no matter your birth gender, you start the SRS process between and ears and finish between the legs.

Maybe I am wrong and when I see her next, she will be smiling ear to ear, still has a place to live, etc. (Yes, it still happens.)

In the mean time, I'm told by my partner Liz I can research having my breasts done if I prove I can go through the pain of a tattoo. The problem is what kind of a tattoo and where on my body. I keep telling her if I had the boob job first, then I would have extra space for the tattoo but so far she doesn't believe me.

So much for credibility, I might as well be a politician!

Unconditional Love?

From the "other" side I can't begin to understand the confusion and even the anguish involved for the wife and girl friend when her spouse/boyfriend comes out as a cross dresser or transgender woman to her.

I know there are the rare publicized relationships in which the wife "stands by her new partner" and I have all the respect in the world for those cis women.

In my case my deceased wife accepted from day one I was a cross dresser but rejected from day one any idea of me wanting to go the transgender route.

I can only imagine what she thought of me tottering around in skin tight skirts and high heels and don't want to.

I know too there would have been no way for our relationship to continue the way it was if she had not passed on, but I am sure we would have parted as friends.

What would have been very interesting would have been her take on the transition path I ended up taking.

She was rather conservative and would have approved for the most part of my jeans/flats style wardrobe but would have recoiled at my choice of hair color (violet.)

I have just met a fledgling trans girl who says she has come out to her wife and "she knows" I just wonder how much and if her and her family are ready for the rocky road ahead?