HRT 201

We wrote here in Cyrsti's Condo yesterday about Connie's health problems. Just go back to the post and read her responses and see which treatment was started. The good news is she has not lost any of her humor or cynicism - at her age!

If she likes it or not, Connie is just my impetus to write about screwing around with your hormones at all IF you are "more mature." I believe the younger you do HRT the better -the older you are-the more you roll the dice on your health.

One of the main reasons I am so passionate about writing about writing on the subject is -it's one of the rare things I do know a lot about versus thinking I know about.

From the beginning. I knew HRT was a love/hate relationship for me. During my marriage, I knew starting hormones would be the end of life with her as I knew it. But when she passed on and several other things happened, amazingly the door to taking hormones totally opened. Which brought up a whole new set of problems.

First of course was my age and health. I was in my 60's and all vitals checked out-so I was fortunate. Even though I had to factor in HRT may actually take years off my life, I just had to do it. Had is the key term for me-had to.

I do have several warnings. First is, DO NOT do hormones without medical supervision. Blood clots, strokes and increased heart risks ARE potential risks.

So you may be asking why did I undertake HRT? To get a closer, up personal look at the feminine side of the gender fence and perhaps answer my age old question about my genderality. I did find out how natural the process was to me and how much more I was completed spiritually. Don't forget also, I am into three plus years on hormones, so the process for me was not overnight and of course is still evolving.

Sure, I gained some much needed "passing privilege" with my hair, skin and changing breasts etc. But my biggest changes were all internal and weren't achieved (or understood) overnight. Slowly but surely, my life became more layered, emotional and as I wrote spiritual. To me, an earth based faith which has become increasingly natural on HRT.

So these days I still get amused when the first comment I get from some is Wow! How does it feel to have your own breasts or hair. Naturally, great but if they had to go away tomorrow what would I do? Like any other strong woman-lose both and move on.

Get Well Connie

One of the very negative things which happen with a daily blog such as Cyrsti's Condo is when yet another of those of you I consider family fall ill. First there was Francine and now Connie. She messaged me last night when she had to go to the hospital for a swollen leg and intense pain:

" I dealt with no fewer than four doctors, 8-10 nurses & techs, and a half-dozen front desk people. The few awkward moments relating to my gender may have bugged me a bit, but the fact that I have a big f*****g blood clot, some of which may have entered my lungs, is so much more disturbing to me. It seems my reluctance to go with HRT was the correct route for me, since this very condition is one of the big possible side effects. Now that it's part of my medical history, I doubt any doctor would prescribe estrogen for me. I'll have to live without it, but at least I will live. I'm saddened by the fact that the option of HRT is gone for me - maybe better to know outright than being on the fence, though."

First of all get well Connie!!! Second of all, HRT should not be put ahead of life itself. In fact, I believe hormones should not be the be all and end all to a transition. (Similar to rushing into SRS.) Your transition is in your head.

Now, having said that, HRT will feminize your body, I have loved the changes to the lower half of my body these days. Plus I continue to love my hair. But! If I had to go back to wigs, I would and fall back on the padding I used to wear-to be alive.

So Connie, please take care of yourself and yes knowing for sure HRT won't be an option could indeed be better. My example comes from the old Vietnam War draft lottery days. If your number came up in the middle, you didn't really know what to expect. My number was like 27, so I was gone-in the military. I knew what was going to happen.

The world should never be able to take away from us our gender. Passing privilege comes and goes, as does life itself. As transgender women and men, we have been tossed a different deck of cards to play with. The secret (especially as we age) is to keep playing! 

Classic Binges

I am a huge fan of classic movies-specifically from the 1930's and 40's. On certain days/nights I'm stuck on the Turner Classic Movie channel. I love the fashions!!!

In the last day or so, TCM ran almost an entire day of my fave ginger ever-Ann Margaret and before that Robert Mitchum. Both of them stand out in my mind for two very opposite and confusing reasons. (of course.)

Although, I knew I found Ann to be impossibly beautiful, I especially was drawn to her smooth nylon clad legs. Even though I could never expect to look like her, I could experience the thrill of freshly shaved nylon clad legs.

As far as Robert Mitchum goes, my true feelings about him surfaced years later. Similar to Ann Margaret, I knew I could never hope to look as good and be as smooth (in a rough way) as he could.

These days I put Mitchum on a very short list of men who I would have their baby. How short you ask? Anson Mount from AMC's "Hell on Wheels" series and Zack Cozart-the shortstop for the Cincinnati Reds. (See I told you it was short!)

Ironically, the farther I progress into my transgender life, I understand more and more the true meaning of my gender and sexual fluidity. But, I still don't know how much of the sexual side I missed. More than likely quite a bit because the extra amount of suppression I put into thinking there was no way I was gay in anyway shape or form.

However, none of that matters now- Mitchum was too old for me anyhow!!!